A Very Lost Young Woman, Advice?

Question

I'm a college sophomore with a 4.0 and in the honors program and various honorary greek societies. I've been told I'm gorgeous. I don't believe any of it. I have no self-esteem and grew up in a verbally abusive household. To this day, my parents threaten to kick me out and stop funding my college education, though I've done nothing but prove just how capable i am of acheiving exceptional grades. This has got me so tense, I feel like taking up smoking or drinking, I'm already borderline anorexic. I'm so depressed, I'm never good enough. Please, can someone give me some advice? I never had a mother to talk to, and I'm so lost I cry myself to sleep.

Answer 1

Don't be held hostage by your parents; with your GPA you could probably easily obtain a scholarship. You could also take out student loans to be paid back once you secure employment after college. Are you attending college because it's something you want to do, or to please your parents?

It is hard to do, but face the fact that no matter how successful you are, you may never please your parents. You had a dysfunctional childhood, and that has severely affected you. What you can do, and again this will take effort, is decide that from this day forward you are going to be the parent you never had, for yourself. You are going to be the one to tell yourself you did a good job, you are gorgeous, you are worthy, and you are good enough. You are MORE than good enough.

Stop playing the same old negative tapes in your mind and replace them with positive thoughts. Take it one day at a time, and don't add destructive habits like those you mentioned. Get a good night's sleep. Every day, do something nice for yourself to reward yourself for your outstanding efforts.

I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 2

Sweetie, you should be very proud of the accomplishments you have made. And you know you have made some great ones. You have even said that: "honors program", "4.0"... etc.

You know you are doing all you can do. But, PLEASE see that you are doing all these things for YOURSELF. DON'T do it for your parents. If they cut you off from money, go to the financial aid office and get some grants and loans. Prove that you can do it on your own, and your parents will not be able to take credit for your accomplishments. However, if you drink or start using drugs, you will just prove to the verbally abusive that you can't make it on your own. YOU KNOW YOU CAN.

I can understand the feelings of low self esteem at times, but turn your experiences into a learning experience instead of a cop-out and prove to the world that you can do it on your own.

"when life throws you lemons, make lemonade and have a few friends over".... Great quote but not sure who said it.

Answer 3

I feel that I can very much relate to you as I live with my father becasue when I was little CPS took us out of my mothers custody for Physicall and verbal abuse. I also have a 4.0 GPA, but in High School, and my dad is constantly threatening not to take me and my siblings to school yelling at us and just bringing my self esteem down. I have to try to let out my stress someway and because my dad wont let me do any extra curricular activites I chose to read and when I read im in a different world where no one can hurt me anymore. Basically I just block it all out. I hope this helps you in some way my suggestion to you is to see a therapist if thats possible (because of money and transportation) and just believe that it gets better you have to. And feel lucky that you are in college when people like me will never be able to expierience it because of similar situations.

Answer 4

Your college probably has free counseling. Please check it out. These kinds of problems can't be fixed with a few wise words from someone in cyberspace.

It's not unusual for smart, attractive people to feel inadequate. You are not alone, and there's nothing fundamentally wrong with you. You just need someone to help you see what a wonderful person you are.

It's not going to happen overnight. You didn't get this way in a few weeks, so there's no magic that will fix it quickly. However, since you are smart enough to maintain a 4.0 GPA, you will go far in life. Just be patient and seek the free counseling that your college probably offers.

Answer 5

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Answer 6

Talk to counselors at school. You need therapy to help you get your self esteem back. Your self esteem has nothing to do with what others think about you, it is what you think of yourself. It doesn't matter what anyone thinks about you. The people around you will be different from semester to semester, year to year. You will always have yourself. So do what makes you happy. (Please stay away from smoking, drinking, and drugs. That will only make you more depressed). Stay in school. Get a job. Get a student loan. Try to support yourself as much as possible so they can't hold things over your head.
Take Care, good luck.

Answer 7

Best advice: seek PROFESSIONAL help.
Do not rely on these boards for quality advice as most of us are amateurs.
I have experienced some of what you are going through.
A very good therapist helped me.
I cannot guarantee that one would help you, but you need to start somewhere.

It also sounds as if you have a type A personality...an overachiever that will never be satisfied with anything you do or what others say about you.
My wife is very similar.
The bar is always raised just a notch above from where she wants to be...she just can't stop and say "that is good enough".

You've got to find a place within you to just stop and enjoy life.
Good luck to you.

Answer 8

the most honest opinion that can be said is go see the college counselor. also if you are in a large campus, they might have some kind of counseling services or even in the psychology department you might be able to get some help.

honest: we are all gorgeous in our own way. we are women and we are the stronger sex/ we live longer, give birth and live longer.

i am sorry that you had to indure so much in life. that is not fair and not right, but continue to achieve all that you are doing, and make something out of your life. it is your life.

Answer 9

It sounds like you should be commended. Do you have a grandmother, or aunt maybe? How about an older friend that you might call "aunt - "somebody"? If you are in college, don't they have like a student health clinic? Someone there I am sure would get you in touch with a counselor.

Answer 10

You should have a long talk with your parents, to try and figure out what their deal is. Good luck to you.