My sister has a 4 year old and a 1 1/2 year old. The 4 year old is always hitting/tripping/pushing the baby.. nothing she tries works?? Anyone else get over this problem? What's your advice.. cause I babysit them and have to try to deal with it too..
Time outs don't work, taking away toys don't work.. nothing works.
(WITHOUT GETTING CPS INVOLVED)
2006-08-17 07:11:08 · 6 answers · asked by Imani 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
It is very common for children to be jealous and mean to the newborn. He was the center of you and your sister’s world for a long time and now he has to share you and mommy. He is trying to feel powerful. Make sure you take time everyday to show you're love. When toddler is sleeping, read him a story, do an art project (make a Froot Loop necklace), and things that show he is the "big boy" (he can help make dinner, help with the toddler...getting a diaper, let him pick out toddlers's outfit...)
When he hurts his brother, rush to his brother and empathize. Say "Ouch! That must have hurt! You must be so upset! Let's get some ice too put on your sore." Shut out his brother. He will not like the feeling of being ignored. Try and have the younger child tell him "No! I don't like that." (in a 1 1/2 year old version). It is a very powerful message coming from another child.
I would also be overly dramatic when he gets near his little brother. Rush to the child and pick him up. Say "I'm worried you might hurt him. I need to keep him away from you until you're ready to be gentle."
Time outs and taking away toys don't work because they are not a logical consequence. You can, when he hurts his brother, take him to an area away from his brother and say "When you are ready to be gentle then you can come back with us." This is not a time out because you are not giving him a time limit (you controlling him). He returns when he is ready to control himself.
Empathize with him when he is calm after a hurting incident. “You must have been really (angry, upset, hurt, frustrated) when you hurt your brother. What can you do next time instead?” He will soon learn to better express himself.
Help him to gain confidence and a sense of power by saying things like "You did that by yourself. Look how high you can climb! You used so many colors on your picture!" Let him know that you notice him. This is a great way to show attention and love.
Tell him that he is so lucky because he is a big brother (maybe even get him a big brother shirt). He can do so much more than a baby because he is older. If he keeps getting messages like these, he should start to feel more confident in his new world. Hope this helps! Good luck!
2006-08-17 13:07:27 · answer #1 · answered by marnonyahoo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been through this exact situation. You must establish a star system. When ever you see him being nice and helpful with little brother, he gets a star. If he is mean, he loses a star. At the end of the day, if he has five stars left, he gets a dollar store prize, a trip out for ice cream, special time with parent or you, baking cookies, etc. Remember, it takes consistency. Try to envolve him in taking care of little brother. When he does something nice with little brother, give him lots of hugs, kisses, and praise. Let him then put a star list. Make sure the star list is up where he can see it to remind him. Make sure he goes to bed later than little brother and let him help put little brother to bed. Then spend next fifteen minutes giving attention to him, like reading a book, etc. Good luck hang in there and remember consistency is the key to child rearing.
2006-08-17 14:37:39 · answer #2 · answered by kb 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Imagine when the 4 year old turns 16 and the 1 year old turns 13. haha wow!
Its life. Older Siblings try to harrass and harm their young siblings. They will grow out of it and learn to accept each other. Its all about respect.
2006-08-17 14:17:37 · answer #3 · answered by vinible2006 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get both children into an activity they can do together. Use tons of positive reinforcement & praise for both. Patience is the key!!!
2006-08-17 14:17:51 · answer #4 · answered by Tortured Soul 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds as if the 4 year old is jealous - give him or her some special time alone when the babe is asleep - when the babe is awake, give her or him somehting to play with and again give special attention to 4y/o. If he/she hurts the babe STOP the attention, sit 4 y/o alone and give all your attention to babe
2006-08-17 14:20:31 · answer #5 · answered by hemsty 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2006-08-17 21:54:54 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋