what my mom shoud do about my 17 year old brother?

Question

its a very long story but here is it summed up as best as i can.My dad left us when my brother was two or three so he has no memories of him on the other hand i was ten so had very vivid memories of the alcohol and violence towards my mom.well my mom raised us alone from then on.My brother started becoming really angry at age 9 or so.My mom remarried to a great man that tried to be a father to him.My brother has done nothing but take advantage and steal from my parents and lie and quit school.Well it is getting close to adulthood for him and he is still lying stealing gas from my stepdads truck,cussing the family,doing drugs,and doesn't work,i don't know what to tell my mom because she kinda created this monster and now wants him to change.I can't even hold a conversation with him i don't know whats on his mind why hes so mad at the world but in a way i do because i was the same way.he has no respect for athourity and we have a baby brother to think about also he is 18 months.

Answer 1

You must sit down with your mother. Tell her how you feel about the changes in your brother. Ask your mom to do what is best for him. If he will not seek counselling, mend his ways, or get a job and be responsible, then she must exercise tough love. She should kick his butt out of the house.
He sounds old enough to start making his own way. If he is that cocky, then he should be a Real Man and put it to the test by being his own man.
So put it to her that way. If he thinks he is grown, then let him go be grown.
IN the meantime, your parents need to focus on you and your younger brother. Just because one child is demanding all the focus by being bad, doesn't mean he deserves all the focus. Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. I know there is a lot of pain involved to make a decision such as this. Let your mother know you will support her in her decision. Let her know she has done her best, and now it is time to let him go and be an adult.
Good Luck!

Answer 2

I'm kinda in a similar situation. People have a bad habit of overcompensating when somethings missing--in this case your mom did that for your brother. I think the situation calls for tough love. There is really no reason your brother should be freaking out about a situation he doesn't even remember. His reactions and behavior have no real validity. But the real problem is the strain he puts on everyone else. Imagine how hard it must be on your mom and step dad to deal with him. Imagine the tension that the baby must feel when something happens in the house. I think your mom should kick him out when he's 18. The longer she continues to overlook it and coddle him, the worse it will get. At this point he's not an asset to society and at the rate he's going he'll end up in jail or something. Cut ties and let him work himself out. When he wants to come back to a good family and act like he has some sense, then let him.

Answer 3

Be a good big sister to him. Be there to talk to him and support him when he needs you (but don't let him take advantage of you). Listen, hug, and talk.. but I wouldn't necessarily recommend giving him any money to blow on drugs. Tell him about your concerns and approach him only with love.

Your mother may need to consider some more tough love on her part. If he was stealing from me at age 17 and using drugs, I'd have him arrested. It would do him a world of good. He can't rebel and then demand protection. Your mom needs to get the message across that he needs to choose the right path now.. she can't protect him from the world anymore. He's 17 and isn't a child anymore.

Encourage your brother to start a career.. go to college.. quit drug abuse. Maybe he needs counseling. Maybe the whole family should go - it sounds good to me. Make sure he knows that you know he can do anything.

Answer 4

sounds to me like he needs a stern father figure in his life. Your step father may not be viewed as such. Does he enforce discipline? And does your mother stand by your step father's decisions with regards to discipline? Another issue might be affection. Are your parents affectionate with him and give enough attention? There are also other factors such as the kind of peers that he spends time with. There are so many things to look at here. Has he ever been in counseling? This too may help him.
One way or another he hasnt learned to respect your mom or step father. Try and take a good look at why this is. Try and get him a Dr. if you can. He may have ADHD or even worse, antisocial behavior disorder. Good luck.

Answer 5

I'm having the same problem with my 17 yr old step son. I also don't know what to do. He steals, lies and also does drugs. Now his mom left him about 2 yrs ago and she hasn't seen him since. I don't know if this is the problem or not. I sent him to Texas maybe to get away from the bad influence of his friends. He is coming home Monday and I'm kinda hating it. I know when he turns 18 I want him out. I talked to a couple of people and they said to call child services on him. But I don't want them to think it's the home I live in and I dont want no problems with them people coming in and trying to run my household. My b/f and I have a 6month old baby and if she is taken away from me I don't know what I am going to do. Good Luck.

Answer 6

Being a parent is tough, we would like for our kids to be good without having to make them mind, but it don`t work like that, you HAVE to be in control as the parent, you help your child make the best decesions, sometimes kids get out of control, then its time for the parent to take a stand, STOP IT, If he Is stealing, cursing,doing drugs, this didn`t happen over night, and its not because his dad left, Its because he has no respect for his mother and step father or you. What ever is most important to that boy, needs to be taken away from him till he learns to act better, If he has a car, he should be grounded from the car for a couple of weeks, he needs to earn the money for gas, he needs to be punished for talking nasty in the house, he should not be allowed to scream and yell, If he starts that, he needs to be sent to his room till he can talk civil to the parents. My son was 21 yars old, living on his own, and everytime I went to visit him it seemed we would get into it over nothing, I found out about a month later he was on crank, he tried to choke me to death, I stopped talking to him, and threatened to turn him into the law, he also had a little boy, that was being raised around that stuff, he knew I was serious, that i would do whatever it took, and that included having that baby of his taken away from him, HE GOT IT TOGETHER, and he became the dad that little boy deserved. he has been off drugs for 2 years now. Its sometimes tough to do what has to be done, but in the end its WORTH it all. Hope this helps your family.

Answer 7

If he is doing drugs your mom needs to put him in an inpatient drug program for youth (they will deal with more than just the drug issues). It may be a little late but she could try a counselor.
Ignoring it has only caused it to escalate. Someone needs to intervene before he is an adult and held legally responsible for these action he is committing thinking everyone will let it slide-it (it is not that big of a deal) like your mother did.

Answer 8

First off you shouldn't be blaming your mother for your brother's faults. Your mother I'm sure raised you both to be independent adults to live your lives as best you can. Your brother is a person all his own and your mom did what she could to care for you guys. He (your brother) needs to take responsibility for self. Your family can only do so much to love and care for him. Your brother created his own behavior. I'm sure your mother has tried to reach out to him. Your mother can't control what your natural father did to the family. I hope that isn't the reason your brother is treating everyone like dirt. Maybe he needs tough love from you all. Set limits to how much you can take from all that he does. There will come a time when he will have to take responsiblity for himself.

Answer 9

It sounds like your parents need to sit his rear end down and let him know that they are boss. They should make him get a job and pay back all the money he's stolen from them. He should lose all of his privledges until he can straighten up. Once he turns 18, they can show him the door if he doesn't straighten up.

Answer 10

I have a step brother who is always in trouble. My step dad kept getting him out of trouble. It got to a point were my mom said she couldn't take the lying, stealing, and fighting from my step brother anymore. My step dad finally had to stop covering for his son. He is 20years old and in jail for theft. I know it is hurting my step dad but he had to draw a line somewhere. It''s time for your mom to do the same. She needs to let your brother take responsibility for his own actions. He will hopefully learn from it and at that point she open her home back up to him.