How can I make my inlaws understand that they're not free to invite too many people to the wedding?

Question

My parents are paying for the whole thing, and we had agreed that we were going to make it a 150 person wedding. Now my In Laws went crazy and began inviting too many people! And they're not paying for anything, How can I mak them undrstand that that's just not right without creating a major problm??

Answer 1

I would tell them they have a limit - 50 on his side, 50 on your side, and 50 for you both to decide on

tell them if they want to give up their seat they can so you can fit all the strangers.

Answer 2

First try to have you soon to be husband talk to his parents about going over your allotted 150 guest list. If that doesn't work plain and simple let them know that your parents are paying for the wedding and 150 people is the max because that's the budget your parents have to work with. If they feel they must invite extra people tell them that they will be held financial responsible for the extra guests. Let them know exactly how much your reception hall is charging per person and inform them that they will need to present you with a check (or cash) for all the extra people they've invited that you and you future husband did not o.k.. Also let them know that this money needs to be given to you, your husband or directly to your parents (at least 1 month before the wedding) so that they may apply it to the balance of the bill for the 150 guest that you have approved. Inform them that this is non refundable whether the guest that they've invited show up or not. Tell your future in-laws that the reception is by invite only and anyone attending the wedding will need to have one to gain entry.

If this doesn't work give them an itemized bill of what needs to be paid for i.e. flowers, transportation, DJ etc. and have them pay for one or a couple of the unpaid bills that should cover the cost of the extra people invited to the wedding.

If they are still unwilling to cooperate explain to them that you are unwilling to cooperate with their demands and implement the "Everyone (accept the wedding party) needs to have their invitations on hand to gain access to the reception" stance and have someone at the door. (you may have to pay a teenage kid a couple of bucks to do this)

Answer 3

This is probably the toughest thing you will go through. Some in-laws still believe that the Brides parents pay for everything! Well those days are over. So if they are not chipping in...then they should not be taking advantage of the guest list. Give them a limit and then if they want to keep adding tell them they will have to pay for the overage of guests that they would like to invite. It's only fair!

Answer 4

Just give them a set amount of people that they can invite and they have to stick with it. I would say like 75 people - that's it! That is enough to include probably everyone in their family and a few friends. 75 people is plenty! They don't have to invite everyone in the Universe just cuz they know them. Tell them this should be for close friends and family only. Not every Tom, Dick and Hank! I feel for you! My wedding is probably going to be the same way. My in-laws have a lot of family and friends and before I got pregnant, and we were planning on a wedding, they were telling me how many people they were going to invite and it was a sick amount. Only, my parents aren't paying for it, me and my fiancé were. Now that I'm preggers, we are putting the wedding on hold. Congrats and good luck!

Answer 5

I'm getting married in a month and was very upfront with my inlaws and my fiance. Let them know what they are free to make a list for you but you will not go over the limit that you have already set for invites. It helps if they put the list of people in order of who they want to come the most. The inlaws are always a touchy situation but I'm sure they understand if you hold your ground. Good luck w/ the wedding!!

Answer 6

You and your fiance need to sit down together with them and make out a list of the people they truly want to have at the wedding and explain that because of budget constraints, the total guest list is 150, not 150 per side.

I'm assuming these are "verbal invitations" they've given out and not actual, printed invitations. They quite possibly got too excited about your upcoming marriage and wanted to share the special day with the people they figure would be important to your fiance to have there.

Perhaps if they absolutely cannot retract any of the invites they've verbally given out, they will concede to help pick up the extra cost for the guests (meals, alcohol, favors, printed invitations etc.)

Answer 7

You must tell them the total # cannot go over 150 -- you're the bride, take charge. What you say goes so make it happen!

I married a Greek and his family could've invited 400 people, at least, to our wedding. I also wanted only 150 so each side invited around 75 people and it worked out great. About 130 came to the wedding, which was perfect.

This can work, you just need to be firm and stand your ground.

Answer 8

Put your foot down hunny! You are the bride and groom...you guys should be making the guest list not them. Work out a deal with them. Tell them that since your parents and you have agreed not to make it more then 150 people invited to the wedding then every person over that they will have to pay for. They might either chip in or come to their senses.

Good luck!

Answer 9

Call a meeting of your parents, his parents and you and your future husband. Set up an agenda. Stick to your principles and insist that they uninvite those over the 150 mark. If they insist ask if they are willing to pay half the wedding expenses. If they agree get it in writing or better still in cash. If your future husband sides with them and they do not agree to pay, lay down the law and say 'More than 150, pay the cash - or else no wedding'. Mean it for if you do not, you will have them interfering throughout your married life...............

Answer 10

This exact same thing happened to me. You're in for a problem, no matter. Here are the steps you should take, in order:

1. I assume that you told your inlaws an amount of people that they can invite (like 50). If you didn't give them a limit, give it now and let them cut it down to that amount. Even if your parents are hosting, it is fair for his parents to be able to invite as many guests as your parents do, or close to it. Our wedding was for 150, and we had my parents pay for their 50 guests, his parents pay for their 50 guests, and then we paid for our own 50 guests.

2. OPTIONAL: If you did give them a number (say, 50), and they came back with 75, then tell them that they are welcome to invite the additional people if they pay the additional costs. Be careful with this, because they might decide that their budget is big enough to invite a lot more people.

3. Tell them no. When they say "Well, we invited 75 but only 50 of them will actually come" respond with asking why they want to invite people who don't care enough to come. There are responses to every defense they have. They're too long to list here, but contact me directly if you want more specifics. Tell them that they have to cut it to 50, or you and your fiance will.

4. Have you and your fiance cut the list if his parents didn't do it themselves. Parents coworkers and extended family that he won't even recognize at the wedding are good places to start. It is important that everyone there be important to you and your fiance.

5. If they complain even more, suggest that they host an informal get together for the rest of their family/friends when you return from the honeymoon. Friends of mine did this when his parents wanted to invite almost his entire hometown, and it went over really well. If they jump at this one, be sure to let them be in complete control over it, even it sounds horrible to you.

Best of luck!

Answer 11

i would ask them how many people they have invited. tell them that there can't be too many people at the wedding because not all of them would get enough food and may be dissapointed that they as guests weren't taken care of. tell them that for the well being of the guests that it is not possible to invite too many people because you promised your parents that you wouldn't. there isn't going to be a super easy way to do this because it involves confrontation. you have to do it also for the sake of your parents wallets and the agreement you made with them. be honest and tell them the situation. tell them how estatic and complimented you are about the guests coming but there has to be a limit. try to put emphasis on how great the wedding it will be or how happy you are that they are going to be there. just slip in the little hint that there can't be too many people. don't accuse or point fingers just mention it like you're telling them a story. if that approach isn't comfortable you're just going to have to be direct. nobody likes to but everyone needs to. congrats on your wedding!!!!