I am SOOOOO bored at work!!!! Anyone got any good jokes, anything to help get through the day?

Answer 1

so this guy has a multiple personality, and he wants to commit suicide. Would that be considered a hostage situation?

So this professor is lecturing about spontaneous muscle spasms, and he realizes that it is very boring, so trying to get his students to relate he asked a girl in front what she thought her asshole was doing when she had an orgasm.
She replied "Probably playing golf with his friends!"


David Letterman's Top Ten Reasons
Why Golf Is Better Than Sex.....

#10... A below par performance is considered damn good.

#9... You can stop in the middle and have a cheeseburger and a couple of beers.

#8... It's much easier to find the sweet spot.

#7... Foursomes are encouraged.

#6... You can still make money doing it as a senior.

#5... Three times a day is possible.

#4... Your partner doesn't hire a lawyer if you play
with someone else.

#3... If you live in Florida, you can do it almost everyday.

#2... You don't have to cuddle with your partner when you're finished.

And the NUMBER ONE reason why golf is better than sex.....

#1... If your equipment gets old and rusty, you can replace it!



How do you bless holy water? Burn the Hell out of it.

How do you find a dog with no legs? He's right where you left him


11 PEOPLE ON A ROPE
Eleven people were hanging on a rope
under a helicopter, ten men and one woman.
The rope was not strong enough to carry them all,
so they decided that one had to leave, because
otherwise they were all going to fall.
They were unable to decide who would let go,
until the woman gave a very touching speech.
She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope,
because, as a woman, she was used to giving up everything
for her husband and kids and for men in general, and was
used to always making sacrifices with little in return.
As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started
clapping.

hope you like them- Cheers

Answer 2

One day an Irishman, who had been stranded on a desert island for over 10 years, saw a speck on the horizon. "It's certainly not a ship," he thought. As the speck got closer and closer he began to rule out the possibilities of a small boat and even a raft. Suddenly, there emerged from the surf a wet-suited, black-clad figure. Putting aside the scuba gear and the mask, there stood a drop-dead gorgeous blonde woman. She strode up to the stunned Irishman and said to him, "Tell me, how long has it been since you've had a cigarette?" "Ten years," replied the amazed Irishman. With that, she reached over and unzipped a waterproof pocket on the left sleeve of her wetsuit and pulled out a fresh pack of cigarettes. He takes one, lights it and takes a long drag. "Faith and begorrah," said the Irishman, "that is so good, I'd almost forgotten how great a smoke can be!"
"And how long has it been since you've had a drop of good Irish whiskey?" asked the blonde. Trembling, the castaway replied, "Ten years." At this, the gorgeous blonde reaches over to her right sleeve, unzips the pocket, removes a flask and hands it to him. The Irishman opens the flask and takes a long drink. "Tis nectar of the gods!” he exclaimed. "Tis truly fantastic!"
At this point, the beautiful blonde starts to slowly unzip the long front of her wetsuit, right down the middle. She looked at the trembling man and asked, "And how long has it been since you played around?" With tears in his eyes, the Irishman fell to his knees and sobbed, "Sweet Jesus! Don't tell me you've got golf clubs in there, too!"

Answer 3

http://www.comedycentral.com/jokes/index.jhtml
http://www.ahajokes.com/
http://www.the-jokes.com/
http://www.lotsofjokes.com/
http://www.jokesgallery.com/
http://www.workjoke.com/projoke.htm
http://www.jokes2000.com/
http://yahooligans.yahoo.com/content/jokes/
http://www.xs4all.nl/~jcdverha/scijokes/
http://www.kidsjokes.co.uk/
http://www.ahajokes.com/yo_mama_jokes.html
http://www.allfunnypages.com/funny-jokes/yo-mama-jokes/funny-yo-mama-jokes.htm
http://www.africanjokes.com/africanjokes/?id_category=98
http://www.blonde-jokes.info/
http://www.zelo.com/blonde/index.asp

Please visit the above pages to find different variety of jokes. I hope, it helps u in making u laugh. Enjoy and have fun..

Answer 4

I hope you're a guy, otherwise you might not like it :))

Why do women have shorter feet than men?

So that they can stand closer to the kitchen counter.

Another: Why women don't ski?

Because it doesn't snow in the kitchen.


And another: When does a woman tell something smart?

When she starts a sentence with: "My husband once said....."

Answer 5

My old standby favorite...

Why did Tigger jump into the toilet?

To get Pooh!

Funny and clean...

Answer 6

what goes in straight and hard and comes out soft and sticky?
it's not a dirty joke get your mind out of the gutter

Answer 7

What do you call a cow with no legs?





Ground Beef!

Answer 8

Mary4jokes - It's gum

Answer 9

look at my questions and open the one titled "What do you think...?"

Answer 10

my dear friend! just watch this