how does one love without attachment?

Question

i'm not asking if it's possible (obviously it's possible, look to buddhism, etc)-- i'm asking HOW. i've read on this many times, and i understand it in theory, but i still feel a bit unsure of how to go about it. does anyone have experience with this that they'd like to share? has anyone attained this? i realize it's a choice, but we can't help what we feel, only how we respond to those feelings. does non-attachment diminish what you feel for your loved one? do you honestly not feel at least a slight pang when you lose your beloved?

Answer 1

I had a NDE years ago and after that I developed empathy. I was really, really screwed up for awhile. I almost had myself checked into the wacky ward when I stumbled on empathy. This was right before 9/11 happened. When 9/11 did happen, I was a mess. I constantly cried, I then just stopped watching tv, reading the newspaper...although I could still feel the people around me. I got emotionally connected to a co-worker who was bi-polar, Another roller coaster ride for me. Because of my empathy, I learned how to detach myself. The best way I can describe it is that you have to step outside of yourself and see things. I love my husband, but if he died right now, I know that it was his time to go home. When you detach yourself, you have to realize that every good, bad, sad, horrible thing that happens is supposed to happen for someone to learn and experience. Everything that happens is connected, not only on a small scale, but to the big picture.

Answer 2

This is a common derivative used in Buddhism all the time. Loving without attachment means to care about what happens to something or someone without actually carrying the hurt that comes with a perceived seperation (I.E. Death or loss) If one is never attached, one can never feel the seperation that comes from disattaching that attachment. Therefore, Loving without attachment is a form of indifferent love. You love all things equally, without consent to personal egotistical preference. In a term, It means to love the universe, and things consisted within. That sometimes means even loving the natural disasters, hurt, pain, and killing that comes with universal life. But in the ideology, the universe is as though a human body. Human bodies consist of many many cells. Each cell has it's own organs and things to keep it itself living. Cells live in your body, and Cells die in your body but the body itself thrives. If you love your own body, i'm sure you've never cried when you lost hair cells, skin cells, or the dead nail cells that you clip off with a nail clipper. That it is similar to universal love. You love the universe itself for it's ups it's downs and it's sideways'. No personal consent to one thing or the other. You simply chose to be a loving being that never experiences pain due to personal egotistical preference that chooses this over that, that over this. Because when those temporary things go away, you're usually just left with a lot of mental and emotional hurt. A statement that all things material are impermanent. It goes to show that the idea itself is a very deep and spiritual thing. One cannot have a material thing without a thought first creating it, because thoughts manifest. When you have an idea or revelation, it comes as an idea. There isn't a creation out there that didn't start as an idea. Look at everything in the room you're now sitting in. Everything in that room started as an idea. So ideas being permenant is the best way to describe disattached love. You cannot see, touch, or taste an idea, only it's manifestation. Keep your eye on the big picture or the main idea and you'll begin to understand the spiritual form of disattached love and oneness. Focusing on the Universal ideas of love and existance, through meditation and the like. You'll be more caring and compassionate throughout your life with all lifes things without actually feeling the pain and hurt that comes from loss of an attachment. It's a very spiritual form of love, A very pure love, and to me, the best kind.

Answer 3

By respecting that person's freedom and need to exist as their own- not your own- being, which is actually a critical part of love itself. You almost must have self-love, and that forces you to realize your own boundaries and independence/value, such that another person is not mingled into your self-perception, and thus attachment is not needed.
Attachment is selfish, and displays weakness or immaturity, Within a family it is understandable becuase that is what a family is for, but beyond those boundaries, unless it is agreed upon to be attached (ie through a mariage pact) then it only reflects an unmet need or appetite. To me it represents a lack of focus on your true purpose (destiny that you have the repsonsibility to fulfill, if you will) in life, rather than just your private desires. And still marriage is not an agreement to mix yourself with your spouse, or vice versa. It is only an agreement to mix material existence. Love is universal, not uni-personal; attachment to one person is in conflict with love.

Answer 4

Love is different from attachment. If one has attachment, one is not in love. Love is a state of being. Love is a calm yet powerful energy that flows and touches everything. True love is free. It does not attach itself it to any one thing but to each and every thing. True love does not distinguish one from another and for that matter one thing from another.

Attachment on the other hand is what we develop out of being in contact with people around us or things around us. When someone who is close to you is affected by a problem, one is concerned out of this attachment. Yet when the same problem afflicts another, one is calm. This concern that was in the former instance is a variation of love - of a tainted and impure aspect of the same love energy.

you can love without attachment, when you have given up expectations. Give up all expectations and do not be desirous of any particular outcomes and results in a relationship.

Love lives by giving and forgiving. Self lives by getting and forgetting. Live in Love.

Answer 5

If you love someone without attatchment (do you mean in the Buddhist sense?) it means that you care for them deeply and accept them however they are without trying to change them. Even if they want to leave you let them go . . . it's just complete acceptance of the way things are.

From studying Budddhist concepts this is my best understanding.

Answer 6

Love is an emotion. By attachment, I presume you mean some kind of commitment. The later requires that you not only love the person but also wish to put work into maintaining a relationship with that person.

If you have a relationship, it lasts between feelings of emotion.

Answer 7

To me, love is acceptance, peace, tolerance, kindness, patience, forgiveness.... Love is overcoming the need to control and change things. I can do all of these things without being attached and without possessing.

Blessings )O(

Answer 8

If you are speaking of love for another human, you can't. If you are speaking of love for the world it is entirely possible. I love this life but if asked I would gladly lay it down for God.That attatchment is stronger.

Answer 9

Love is unconditional, but most people think they should have or put conditions on love. They always loose in the end.

Answer 10

Since you asked this question in Religion & Spirituality, I assume you're referring to "love" in some religious way, like loving god or Jesus? However, when I think of love, I think of romantic love between two persons, and/or family love between two relatives. Please edit your question to explain a little bit more about the type of love YOU are asking about, otherwise it's hard for the rest of us to tell, and you'll likely only get vague answers.