A couple years ago, my parents moved 1800 miles from home to another state. Well they talked us into moving there too and trying it even though my hubby did not want to. Ever since then he's been miserable so we decided to move back. Well I am my parent's only daughter (their sons all moved with too) so when I told her we were moving back she spazzed out on me saying I am making a big mistake moving so far away (we have kids, too) and that she hates it back home (even though they lived there their whole life ti then) and she cant support the move. Then she later told me that she feels like she is losing me as a duaghter. Since then the move is never mentioned (our house is for sale) becuz I cant bear to bring it up becuz I feel too guilty and she wont becuz its too painful for her I guess. It is very uncomfortable but we still talk and stuff, just not nearly as much as we used to and I know she is extremely hurt. What can I do to make both myself (the guilt) and her feel better?
2006-08-17 03:44:01 · 12 answers · asked by dream_fairy55 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
They have 2 sons still at home and they also have 2 dogs and 2 cats!!! And the rest of their sons live in the same town as them, too. I'm the first to move away.... :-S
2006-08-17 03:51:39 · update #1
Yes I have been married for 10+ years and we have 2 kids. And yes we chat on the internet.
2006-08-17 03:57:46 · update #2
At first I was against the move becuz I felt bad moving so far away from my family.. but now I see there are both pros and cons to the move - I feel conflicted about it but I feel it is the best thing for my family (hubby and kids) at this time.
2006-08-17 03:58:48 · update #3
wow these are great answers, tyvm!
2006-08-17 04:21:49 · update #4
Most moms will make you feel guilty.. Thats their job.. However, you are a grown women now with a husband and your own family..... That is where you belong now.. Make sure your husband is happy because you live with him. Make sure you call your mom, write or email her and visit her often.. But stay where you and your husband are both happy together....
Signed from two sisters advice.. We have been there with a mom who makes you feel guilty. Don't ever do that to your kids once they start their own lives
2006-08-17 04:01:45 · answer #1 · answered by Linda B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The choice between parents and your own life was made when you were married. Your father gave you away and that is what happened. You are not the property of your husband but the two of you have obligations to Your children and part of that is to create your own priorities. Respect the parents but let them know that part of living is separation. One of these days they will reach the end of their time in this life and You will have to deal with their passing. They should be happy to have lived a full life with good children and grandchildren and perhaps someday great grandchildren. Instead of dwelling you Your moving away they need to build on their lives together.
They should spend the golden years traveling and enjoying the fruits of their labors. Life is more than huddling in a group exchanging the same old stories and memories. Finding new parts of life and seeing new places provides conversation that is interesting instead of the same old remember stuff.
2006-08-17 11:15:59 · answer #2 · answered by mr conservative 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She needs to respect you as an adult. You have your own life now and your husband is a huge part of that. Explain everything to her even if it will hurt her feelings. You have nothing to be guilty of. It's life. My daughter lives in another state and I have to let her make her own choices even though I don't like her spouse. She calls when she needs us. Promise to keep in touch and visit often. Have you tried to talk to your father about this? He may be able to help you smooth things over. Good luck.
2006-08-17 11:00:08 · answer #3 · answered by b's wife 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your place is with your husband. But if you will be in the new city a long time, they might want to move there with you! I have a friend who lives in AZ and her brother died so she is all they have left and her parents have been with her in Tempe for at least ten years. She means more to them than anything.
2006-08-17 10:50:01 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My adult daughter moved to Costa Rica with her husband and their 2 children because of his work. I am sad and miss them but, it is her life. We talk on the phone frequently and they visit every 3 months.
Your mom is being selfish. Don't fall for the guilt thing.
2006-08-17 10:52:47 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The thought of my daughter moving away from me kills me. She is the reason I get up every morning. However, I do realize that for me to force her to stay near me all of her life would be selfish and would only cause her pain; therefore, I could not ask her to stay. Your mother is hurt right now and blind to her selfishness. Give her sometime and you both will be ok.
2006-08-17 11:05:55 · answer #6 · answered by HazelEyes 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd move and live my life the way I wanted. If someone has a problem with that, then they need to work on their issues about that because that's not going to stop me from going and they need to understand and accept that. A parent should be the 1st one to understand that.
2006-08-17 11:02:14 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My mom live a long way from me, but I call her every week and visit when I can! Your place is with your hubby. You shouldn't Feel guilty you have to move .
2006-08-17 10:56:07 · answer #8 · answered by SUN FLOWER 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like your mother is being selfish. she is with the man she loves. And are you not also married????? What do you think of the move ??? Can you not chat on the internet with your mother or on the phone. today the distance is not that far away .. there are chat programs that allow you video access so you can also see who you are speaking to...... geeze It's time to let go....
Don't sweat the small stuff..........
2006-08-17 10:55:15 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
there comes a time wen we all must grow up and do exactly what you have stated, what is best for you & YOUR family. you already served your time as their daughter now its time for you to live your life not go out of your way just to make your parents happy. i vote MOVE! goodluck!
2006-08-17 11:25:30 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋