My fiance picked his "best friend" to be his best man. Well, it had been 5 months since he'd heard from him. The friend ignored his calls, and my fiance got really upset and picked another best man - who has become his new best friend. He thought that since his friend's wife and I don't get along at all, that the friend was going to back out of the wedding.
Last night, my fiance finally heard from him and found out that he had been having a lot of marital problems and acted like nothing ever happened. My fiance feels weird about the situation, and didn't tell him that he picked another best man to replace him because he didn't want to hurt his feelings.
Now, my fiance has two best men. I have two matrons of honor.... should we still keep him in the wedding, even though he could do the same thing and not talk to us again for another 5 months......? Or somehow find the words to say that he's been replaced?
2006-08-17 02:57:15 · 12 answers · asked by Rock Goddess 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Just tell him the truth, you're sorry about his problems, but you had to make sure you could get someone to fill in, because he wasn't reachable. If he doesn't understand, then he isn't the friend you thought.
You could still involve him in the wedding elsewhere, so he doesn't completely feel left out!
2006-08-17 03:04:59 · answer #1 · answered by rdhedhottie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, he has marital problems and that is an awful thing to have. It's not all about you, you know. Be sensitive and grateful that is not you the one with marital problems. YOu probally don;t understand now, but later you will learn to be compassionate to those that are in pain.
I urge you not to diss him from the wedding just because he has problems. Since you already have two matrons of honor, pair it up with two best men! It will be a good arrangementment that won;t hurt no ones feelings.
One of the secret of having a great marrriage is to be a gracious hostess. Start now.
Congratulations and good luck.
2006-08-17 03:44:03 · answer #2 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask the 1st bestman if he, considering his recent problems, still feels up to the obligations and has the time to invest in being best man. Be honest with him and tell him that you guys understand the hard time he's gone through but a 5 month lapse in communication doesn't work for what you need/expect in a best man. Tell him you still want him in the wedding but if he doesn't have the time to devote to you that you would like to get a best man that does and ask him to just be a groomsman.
If he says that he can do his part as best man then let him stay. Good luck, that one's tough.
2006-08-17 03:06:45 · answer #3 · answered by rose t 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Despite his problems, that was very rude of him not to respond for that long. I would tell him that they have been replaced because you weren't sure if they would even come and you want your wedding to go off without a hitch! You can still have them stand up in a different capacity and this way if they don't show up, you're not running around at the last minute trying to work things out. And if they don't talk to you for another 5 months....look at it as a blessing!
2006-08-17 04:29:37 · answer #4 · answered by hummingbird 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand your concern. Yes, this friend should have contacted your future husband before now, but his man has also been preoccupied with some very serious issues in his life. I doubt if he's even known his own name!
Tell Bman #1 that the groom chose Bman#2 to help with things, at hand. Tell Bman #2 that there will be 2 Bmen. Let them both stand stand up for him.
And if Bman #1 can't make the wedding or doesn't, then no one will be the wiser.
2006-08-17 04:01:25 · answer #5 · answered by weddrev 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kind of weird to have 2 of each dont you think ? If someone doesn't call you for 5 months I dont think you should feel bad. I understand he was going through marital problems but it only takes a minute to make a phone call. You guys need to tell him straight out and ASAP.
2006-08-17 03:07:01 · answer #6 · answered by JustMe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its a wedding. If he is having marital issues, he is not in a position to help you and be there with you in the first steps of your married life. Find someone who appreciates the wedded life, and will carry the spirit to see you happy, and not envy/long for that moment.
Yep, it means, its time to tell him that he's been replaced.
2006-08-17 04:42:35 · answer #7 · answered by Phaedrus 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have two best men, it's not really his fault that life problems got in the way of keeping in touch. You will find that out soon enough after you are married. The other guy should not be shut out either because the first choice reappeared.
2006-08-17 03:05:06 · answer #8 · answered by Terri A 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you could one of two things - explain the situation - you dont have unlimited time in planning such events - so you had to make a change do to not hearing from him - or you could take a separate route and explain the situation to both and have two - the more the merrier - good luck
2006-08-17 04:01:28 · answer #9 · answered by g g 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From what you wrote, I would suggest keeping both with the idea that at some point he may back out and go back to have only one. This is really between your f.h. and hie friend, let hime decide, afterall it is his friendship.
2006-08-17 03:07:50 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋