My sister is getting married soon, and it's time she picks the bridesmaids. She has a friend whom she's very close with but this girl is very unreliable. She would like to involve her in the wedding but knows that she will mess it up somehow- either not be able to come up with the money for the dress, arriving late to the wedding- something. My question is, if this were your wedding, would you suck it up and have her as a bridesmaid, considering that they have been close friends since high school, KNOWing that she will most likely mess something up, just so there are no feelings hurt, or do you make it a "family only" bridal party (just the sisters of the bride and groom) and risk hurting the friend deeply, because she has expressed how excited she is to be in the wedding, even though she hasn't been asked yet?
2006-08-17 02:21:18 · 12 answers · asked by Kimmie 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I think you need to evaluate what is more important, having the 'perfect' wedding, or having everyone happy, and taking the little imperfections in your stride. Rarely do things go perfect in life, and at the end of the day, as harsh as it may sound, a wedding is only one day of your life, whereas friendship is something that canvases your whole life. I think a wedding is about showing everyone you are ready to love and commit to one person, no matter what, not about showing your guests that you can orchestrate a mistake free event. She should do what makes her happy, and in the long run, maybe she would be happier knowing that she included her friend, despite the little imperfections.
2006-08-17 02:29:36 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would do the "family only" bridal party. If she is such a good friend she will want what your sister wants. This is your sister's wedding and she shouldn't have it messed up by an unreliable person...even if she is a great friend. Is there something else the best friend can do so that she's still an important part of the wedding...helping make choices, important decisions that your sister "couldn't do without her help"? Seating, food choices, colors, etc? Best of luck!
2006-08-17 09:29:12 · answer #2 · answered by grannyhuh 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would let her read something and also have her handle the guestbook table. two jobs will help make up for not being a bridesmaid. the guestbook can fend for itself if she's late and someone else could read the passage if "something comes up" for her. tell her the bridesmaid line is going to be family only to cut costs, keep it small, etc. you can find a good enough reason. she will probably be hurt but if you are really worried about her being unreliable then giving her jobs that can be done by other people gives you a backup. just get her a special corsage, make sure she dresses in the wedding colors and i hope your sis enjoys her day!
*but if you are all afraid she is going to be be extremely hurt, you could invite her to be a bridesmaid, take your chances. she may really dedicate herself to this and surprise you all. but you'll have to be pretty optimistic.
2006-08-17 09:26:31 · answer #3 · answered by BeeBee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i've got the same situation, my sister is my matron of honor, my fiance's sister is a bridesmaid, and my best friend is the other bridesmaid.
my sister is the only reliable one out of the whole bunch, so i'm putting her in charge of the other 2 girls. make sure they have what they need, and are there on time. just state exactly what needs to be done. tell her times to be at events that are actually early to make sure she's not late. it can and should be dealt with if she's a true friend.
2006-08-17 12:24:35 · answer #4 · answered by TN girl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Would she like her to be in her wedding? If she would, then the person she needs to be speaking with is her maid of honor. As the "leader" of the bridesmaids, keeping this girl on task will be her responsibility, and she needs to determine if the MoH is willing to help her out by making sure to keep her friend on schedule. If her MoH is not willing to do this for her, then she has to decide just how much "drama" she are willing to risk in order to have this friend stand up with her.
Best of Luck!
2006-08-17 12:01:57 · answer #5 · answered by Shower Gal 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't consider that girl being a bridesmaid... but seeing she's your friend, you can give her an opportunity. But just to prevent, try to help her out get the dress, like you both do the same thing at the same time together, so nothing can get messed up.
PS> If she's your friend you can always talk to her, tell her if she's really up to it :)
2006-08-17 09:46:44 · answer #6 · answered by yamaryliz94 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i wouldnt know...my fiance and I are going to be planning a wedding...here soon...My best friend is the matron of honor...and my fiances best friend's girlfriend is my bridesmaid(which she happens to be a best of mine)and also My fiances two sisters are bridesmaids...there is a girl I work with...she wants so badly to be in my wedding...however..i dont really trust her...when things dont go her way people get hurt and theres bricks through windows of their cars..and i dont want to deal with this on my wedding day..i think your sister and i are kinda in the same boat here
2006-08-17 09:27:43 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would give this young lady a part in the wedding that IF she were late, didn't make the wedding, or do her part, it wouldn't affect the outcome drasticly. Something that someone could step in & do, last minute, or the Officiant just skip right past.
2006-08-17 09:32:05 · answer #8 · answered by weddrev 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i wouldn't have her as a bridesmaid, i'm in a similar situation, my best friend since elementary school is very unreliable, instead of a bridesmaid, I asked her to be my personal attendant, helping me get ready and all of that other stuff.
2006-08-17 09:27:28 · answer #9 · answered by mightymight 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if she is such a close Friendd, your sister should trust her. Otherwise, break the rule and do not choose a bridesmaid. Just remember that if that happens, she might just loose this frien
2006-08-17 09:31:01 · answer #10 · answered by poepies 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋