My dad doesnt understand why I'm having a hard time trying to forgive him. What should I do to help?

Question

My parents have been divorced for eons now. I lived with my mom for most of the time. My dad never stood up for me when my step-mom punished me for things I didn't do. I seem to think he loves her more than he loves me. Now to this very day I have a hard time telling him my true feelings. I'm afraid I'll make him sad after all these years. I want to mend our relationship. What should I do?

Answer 1

if you address it to your dad be senstive about it put it in sentences that star with: I feel...
I wanted...
I wondered why...

That takes a lot of the accusation away and helps you to maintain a calm situation to talk about things

if you cant talk to him like that than write it in a letter and see how he responses

Answer 2

I think you should tell him you want to talk and mend your relationship but also at the same time warn him that some of the things that hurt you may also hurt him. Just be sure he knows how much you want your relationship to be better, not worse, first.
There are times when you should be able to forgive (you don't have to forget). It would be OK if he felt sad, its a part of healing.
Let him know how much you want to put these things behind you and be his little girl again.
Definatley start with a big hug at least.

Answer 3

He is too sensitive for your own good. He'd like (like every parent) to think he's done an excellent and perfect job with you. No parent is perfect. So, you open up and you're so sweet, but don't worry about the way he'll feel. Honesty is best and since he loves you, he has to listen. You will feel so much better when you get it out. The truth really really does set you free.

Answer 4

Sit down with him and have a heart to heart talk and tell him how you feel. Don't worry about making him sad. He is probably sad now because he doesn't fully understand what is going on with you. Tell him, clear the air and hopefully things will get better between the two of you.

Answer 5

You should tell you dad how you feel (even know it is hard sometimes to do so) But he is your father, the only one you will ever have. and you don't know how much you love someone till they are gone.
Think about this, what it your dad died today, you would(1) regret the time you never spent with him? (2) never forgive yourself for not talking to him and telling him how you felt. and (3) you are going to let your dad go thinking that his baby does not love him anymore???

Answer 6

The first step is telling him how you feel and then listening to what he has to say. Once you hear his side then determine if you can forgive him. If you decide you can then you have to make a real effort. if you can't then you may have to settle for a polite arms length relationship with him.

Answer 7

Let it go. Assume/accept that your dad was doing the best that he could as a parent, forgive him in your heart, and then let it go. Write a long letter about how you feel, write that you forgive him, and then burn it.

You can't change the past, you can only change the here and now.

Answer 8

I think you should just tell him how you feel,and he if loves you he will understand.I have the same problem, except its the other way around , I like my mom does not stick up for me when my so called stepdad tries to punish me. just be your self,and be honest you wont hurt him.

good luck, Giselle

Answer 9

You won't make your dad sad. If you don't tell him holding a grudge will take up all your energy. Talk to him and go on with your life. If he listens that is well and good, if he doesn't well.....you go on with your life.

Answer 10

By telling him the truth,It will indeed hurt but it won't kill him.That's the only way out of this.Being truthful is the only way to be able to forgive and forget and grow.Do it before it's to late.Good luck.Write back and tell us how things turned out please.