were both in low paid jobs, weve been boyfriend and girlfriend for 4 months and we always argue. i was thinking about finishing with her when i got back off holidays but she said this and i couldnt leave her. its not that i dont want the baby it would be great but we live with parents, have no money and i dont think its fair if we havnt got a stable relationship!
2006-08-17 01:40:13 · 33 answers · asked by steveo 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Try counseling together. Planned Parenthood usually has information on how to get joint sessions together, or advice on how to talk things out about having a baby and relationships.
2006-08-17 01:44:37 · answer #1 · answered by Naomi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dude, I am not going to tell you that you brought this unto yourself and yada, yada, yada. Everybody else has done that already. I will tell you this.
First, make sure she is pregnant and that is your baby. I am not implying anything. You just have to be certain.
Second, a BABY does not RUIN things. It CHANGES things. You will never be prepared for a baby. No matter if you have a low or a high paying job, the impact is just the same.
If it turns out the baby is yours, you will not be forced to marry her - if you do not want to - but you will be forced to take care of the child - you want it or not.
It is not easy. You will cry like a baby. However, be a man. Take responsibility. Now, you have somebody that will depend entirely on you. Be a great dad.
If you decide to stay with her, not for the child or because it is "the right" thing to do, but because you love her, rent a place of your own. Small, but decent.
When both your parents find out, after their initial shock, ask them for advice and assistance. After all, they raise you - NOT A GOOD JOB! -- ***smiling*** Joking.
Take it easy. Be calm. It is not the end of the world. You will be surprised on how many people will try to put you down, but more surprised of the people that will go out of their way to help raise this child.
2006-08-17 02:07:02 · answer #2 · answered by guerritajr 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first your relationship was over the day you asked her out your a selfish child who needs to grow up at 20 i already had 2 kids and worked in fast food making very little money i barley scraped by but i found a better job whent back to school and got an even better job. i hope your girl saves this question so she can show your child what type of man you realy are if you didn`t want a kid you should have put on a condom so get off your a** and find a job that will pay for your child support and maby your child will never need to know you didn`t want him/her you have about 5 months to get your act to gather thats more than enough time to find a better job and get your own place then go to school so you can get an even better job
2006-08-17 02:06:51 · answer #3 · answered by steamroller98439 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're wise beyond your years, my friend. If you don't have a good relationship with your lady BEFORE the children come along, having children will NOT make it better. It WILL make it worse. The problem is making her understand that. Don't be surprised if she won't accept that, no matter what you say. I agree with my colleague here that said you should get a paternity test unless you're 100% sure that the baby is yours. If the baby IS yours, you will be expected to pay child support if you don't marry your girlfriend -- and under the circumstances I would advise you not to. However, you still need to be a man and take your parental responsibilities seriously, so don't shirk child support if the baby is yours.
2006-08-17 01:48:53 · answer #4 · answered by sarge927 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sadly, in America, you have little choice in the matter.
Although both of you will be its parents, only she has the right to choose whether to terminate the pregnancy or keep the child and saddle you with child support payments for 18 years.
If staying with her and raising the baby, keeping it yourself and having her pay child support, or leaving and paying for it for 18 years, do not seem like reasonable alternatives to you, find out if there is a way for you to terminate your parental rights (and obligations) legally NOW, before she realizes that she can't afford a child. I don't know if this is possible, but a consult with a family lawyer wouldn't cost all that much, and could provide you with much-needed information about your legal rights and obligations.
If you do have some legal way out, it may cause her to rethink her choices.
It's certainly unfair that "pro-choice" is only for WOMEN with unwanted pregnancies. The only choice men have is whether to lower the zipper or not.
2006-08-17 09:55:20 · answer #5 · answered by LazlaHollyfeld 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Three words – counseling, counseling, counseling. It's time time grow up a little and take some responsibility. You won't be in low-paying jobs the rest of your life, but you will always have a child.
It is possible, even in this world of seeming to want every last luxury that comes down the pike, to have a family and provide for them on limited incomes. Hang in there; it might seem rough at times, but you can decide to make it.
2006-08-17 01:48:59 · answer #6 · answered by artboy34 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ultimately the decision is hers to make. you can either support the child when its born or you can disappear. i was 16 when i fell pregnant with my 1st child, i had no money, nowhere to live etc... but i chose to keep my baby and i found somewhere to live and i made it work, i now have 2 beautiful children at 21 years of age. my advice to you is if the relationship isnt working break up now before you hate eachother, but remain supportive. pregnancy is tough not just for the woman but the man aswell. dont disappear because that child needs a father, you have to think of the baby not yourself.
2006-08-17 02:33:54 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you fight and argue NOW...is it going to change because of the baby?! I don't think so...and being with her because of the baby will only make you resent HER and the child...because you will feel STUCK!!! My husband TRIED to work something out with the mother of his daughter...BUT she started smothering him...so he left...he still pays child support and talks to his daughter at least once a week and emails her(she's almost 12) He said if he HAD stayed with her...he would have hated EVERY second of it..and probably would have resented his daughter!!
Being a father doesn't mean you HAVE to be with the mother...even if she would like this..it just seems you have NOTHING in common...except the baby NOW! Best of luck..
2006-08-17 02:15:44 · answer #8 · answered by just me 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
suck it up .......... baby doesntmean amrriage butit does mean being a good parent even if u dont stay with ur sig other i mean if u doing it out of loyalty ur messed inthe head its better to have 2 healthy parents than 2 parents who resent each other and thats what it sounds like on ur part............and ur right its not fair to this child who didnt ask to come ehre but if u all cant wrap up ur dinks or women cant take a pill or a needle or make a man wear a condom too bad for u guys . babies are expensive dont muddle it up with fake love and bull ^^^^. kids grow up and they know when there folks arent right for each other. so b a man step up be a dad but dont out of any sense of i cnat leave b/c she is knocked up stay with someone u dont love not onlywill ur child willsuffer but both of u broke a^s soon to be parents will too .
2006-08-17 01:52:05 · answer #9 · answered by ashley 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's time to start growing up and take responsibility for your actions.
It sounds like you're looking for a way out, but there is no such thing. No matter what course of action you both agree upon, this will have a long term effect on your lives.
Good luck.
2006-08-17 01:48:40 · answer #10 · answered by Ginbail © 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋