She and our son had a terrible dispute which they are working at repairing, but because we would not take sides she has cut us out of her life, our son is walking on thin ice so he is in a delicate situation and cannot fight our corner too vigorously, but we are just completely shut out now and also out of our Grand childrens lives too.
2006-08-17 01:05:56 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I would give it time and do anything to make it worse. In the meantime your son maybe working on the issue with her. It is best if he does since he sees her everyday. She will feel bad soon and let herself back into your lives.
2006-08-17 01:10:19 · answer #1 · answered by nastaany1 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First, your son needs to remain nuetral as much as possible, vigilantly watching how things develop so that the rift does not become so wide as to be unbreachable. With that said - your son should be seeing to the fact that you remain active participants in your grandchildren's lives. That is not taking sides it is keeping a family together - nothing more imortant!
Now, as for the childish daughter-in-law: Send her favorite flowers to her with a simple note that says something to the effect that you (the parents) have had your own moments and did not appreciate it when others chimed in with their two cents. The dispute was between the two of you and only the two of you can mend it. So, having respect for her and your son and faith and hope that they would work through their dispute you stayed out of it. Nothing good could have come from taking sides as it would have alienated you from the other whom you dearly love as well. Tell her that you are glad that they have started working through the problem and are confident that the both of them are mature and intelligent to see things through. Tell her that you hope she can understand and respect your position and that when the two of them have repaired their rift perhaps she would be willing to work on the one between you. Do not bring up the grandchildren. That will seem like you are using them. Trust her (if you do that is) to make the right decision. In the meantime be sure to maintain contact with the grandchildren even if it's through phone calls, letters or cards. If she continues on her current path then you need to reconsider whether she is worth it all to begin with. Good luck and you did the right thing. It will work out.
2006-08-17 08:33:45 · answer #2 · answered by iuud2noitall 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try and give as much cooling down time as possible. I would recommend writing a letter saying how you are sorry that you could not support her during this time. Things have been difficult for everyone and you now want to help her and your son move forward if they can. Tell her what happened, happened, and you handled it as best you could. If appropriate, apologise, but don't bend too far. Gently remind her that a grandparent is one of the most important relationships a child has. Tell her you care about her and her children and just want to be a part of their lives.
An offer of baby sitting, if you can, so they can have some time together might be a nice opener.
2006-08-17 08:20:23 · answer #3 · answered by Nneave 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to give these two space for a time to work things out - i know that is hard because of your son and grandchildren. Far better to do this though and have them come back to you than make a song and dance now and risk alienating them altogether. Reading between the lines I assume your son has been unfaithful and she is probably feeling really hurt that you did not sympathise with her. Maybe you could write her a letter to say just that - you realise it is your son's fault and that you are sorry if you have hurt her and hope to see her soon. Then sit back and wait.
2006-08-17 08:19:27 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, For one, she can't take you out of the grandchildren's lives. You have rights to those children. If she wants to push that, then go and get grandparent's rights through the court. Maybe try talking to her as well. If that doesn't work then maybe give her time but make sure she knows you have rights to those children and if she's not going to let you be a part of their lives then you will take action.
2006-08-17 08:14:55 · answer #5 · answered by instilleddistress 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this happens apologize if she wont listen write u have concerns about both of them and grand kids u have the blood law rigth as a grand mom to be able to love ur grand kids and son.. next time have her keep her probs to themselves as this is why people hate marriage the mother in law syndrome u heard jokes about it growing up u heard jokes from don rickles and all people this is why as moms are not head drs or counselors and ususally they fend fro childrens side but they are out of their parents life so u have to cut them short and say i understand but dont tell me this as i will be opinionated or i will be in the middle as it is not ur problem but do shopw sympathy in future this will pass if anyone is got class and dignity and lower the pride as pride comes before a fall and humility sometimes we go thru as we have too. say u love them both and u dint ask to hear about the dispute how the hell would u know if someone dint drag u into it?
2006-08-17 08:26:50 · answer #6 · answered by gypsygirl731 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh I am so sorry for you. I do know how you feel. I dont really know what to tell you to do other than pray ( unless you dont do that), and just be patient. She sounds like she is in complete control of your son. He needs to stand up to this woman and tell her that you have every right to see your grandkids. I know that you said he is walking on thin ice, but he really needs to stand up for himself and let the cards fall where they may. This has happened to me so many times it isnt funny, only it was my daughter doing it to me. God bless and alot of luck..
2006-08-17 08:13:38 · answer #7 · answered by shirley e 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He cheated and I can see how you wouldnt want to take his side, its wrong.
If I were you I would sit down and explain to her that you know what happened, and you have your own thoughts about it. You dont want to defend your son, but you dont want to go against him. Talk to her, and leave him out of it. I recommend a dinner. I think its best if only you talk to her, it will be easier for a one on one. Tell her you know he is wrong, and you dont accept it. (You know he is wrong so stop being like typical "shut mouth in laws" have a brain and use it) what your son did was wrong and you know that. Talk to her and tell her that you will always care about her, and you would like to get past what your son did, it was his fault but you dont deserve to suffer.
2006-08-17 08:13:02 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well its much better if you stay out for a while situations like your son is in is a serious one and your d.i.l needs time of her own now let the both of them work things out on their own ways eventually they will find ways to be with together again
2006-08-17 08:14:21 · answer #9 · answered by sliver 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are planning to rape her, and I know you. So I have told her to call the police on you.
2006-08-17 08:14:13 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋