i have been with my bf for five yrs and two months ago we went on a holiday to ghana to meet his mother she turned out not to like me because i am white and she had a bad experience when she was younger. now she doesnt even ask or think of me and it really hurts me wot should i do. my partner says not to bother.
2006-08-16 23:53:26 · 36 answers · asked by sexy babes 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Sounds like a biatch to me!!!! Just be grateful you guys have a country between you! Your boyfriend sounds level headed so just listen to him!!!!
2006-08-18 01:23:31 · answer #1 · answered by Little minx 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well she shouldnt be racist or judge you because she had a bad experience. If we ignored everyone thru bad experienxe we had what sort of life would we have. Its ok for your partner to say don't bother but you deserve respect as you have done nothing wrong. Some cultures just dont want to learn about others dont want to accept that all people are the same who cares where we come from or what colour we are. Just you be happy with your partner his mother is not the one you have to spend your life with.
2006-08-17 00:03:14 · answer #2 · answered by a mother 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well my MIL is the Anti-Christ so I feel for you but hey there is hope! #1 never let her move in with you! If you don't wake up in the same house as her then what she thinks doesn't matter! #2 If she doesn't like you that is her problem to live with! (This is the best part you then get the chance to make her live with her choice!) There is no better way to get back at a mother in law then to prove her wrong! (I know 1st hand) Love your man with all your heart, be true and faithful to him, give him lots to brag about, be sweet to all his other relatives so they can look at MIL and then wander what her issue is and never invite or involve her in any of your plans...sooner or later it all comes back on her and then she realizes she made a mistake that she can not take back! What goes around comes around in the land of In-Laws! Remember if you marry you are marring him not his family! So in the end...it is all good and doesn't really matter! I love just smiling at my MIL and never saying a word to her. She knows I feel she isn't worth the effort and I know it drives her nuts! Life is great! :)
2006-08-17 01:28:23 · answer #3 · answered by lil redneck 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can feel how u feeling now. Even if ur bf ask u not 2 bother u cant help to tink abt his mother again again rite?
Spend more time with her or making her favourite stuff when u visit next round. N check out y the bad experience be4, can helps u to avoid the same problem?
2006-08-17 00:19:27 · answer #4 · answered by HazAver 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think she is using the race thing as an excuse - I don't think any woman would be good enough for her son.
By the way, it's interesting that we would all be horrified if she was white and YOU were black - she is being racist.
Ignore her - you can't get through a life time of prejudice. Just thank your lucky stars she lives in Ghana!!
2006-08-17 00:06:15 · answer #5 · answered by Pommie girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a predicament that nearly every one of my friends has had to go through as well!!! Some of them are coloured and have mixed race families. Some are just not liked - in the eyes of their mother-in-law, maybe just because they breath the same air as they do - who knows!!! But one thing that seems to carry on over generation to generation is that a mother never believes that any girl is good enough for her son.
Dont stress too much in this respect. But MOST IMPORTANT is that if your boyfriend understands where you are coming from and is there by your side - lean on him for support. In this way you have nothing to lose. If you lean on him and it doesn't work out - well you tried. Put it this way you are only in the relationship/family because of him. There is no point on leaning on "Her" for support is there.
He is the important one. It is a relationship between you and him not you and her... Good luck...
2006-08-17 00:04:10 · answer #6 · answered by Pooroldpossum 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Aww sweetie, i know what you mean - things are a lot easier if your partners parents did like you... but theres nothing you can do, you, yourself haven't done anything in any sort of way hurt her feelings, shes just against you because of something that has happened in the past, maybe you should talk with her about it? and when she tells you how she feels just explain that you would never hurt her in the way that someone has previously done in the past.
Listen to your partner, because as much as you want to get along with her, she may not change her mind, but in the end, shes gunna have to repsect her sons decisions in life, if it means hes gunna be happy.
Don't let this get to you, you sound like a very nice girl, and your partner is lucky to have you
good luck sweetie =)
2006-08-17 00:07:10 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
hummmm yeah well, could tell a story here BUT won't it toooo bl..dy long. Best thing is she lives in ghana, which I pressume is miles & miles from you. The only thing is to be nice and put ya foot down a bit when she around AND IF EVER she decides to come and live with Her SON, show her the brochures for retirement homes, honest Honey don't let her into your home otherwise she will make your life HELL I promise.
2006-08-17 00:08:33 · answer #8 · answered by Denise W 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do understand that her behaviour towards you was hurtful and Not nice, unfriendly inhospitable, rude and unnecessary.
However basically I do not think she is racist just because she had a bad experience with someone does not make her a racist it makes her more defensive and cautious but not racist.
I think the way she is behaving towards you is that she might not approve of you because you two are not married and she is probably more concerned and protective towards her son and wonders whether you love him and this relationship is serious and not just a one off.
Also it is because she does not no you and you are a total stranger too her I think once you start to see her more and write to her more often she will get used to you and warm up to you.
I also think because of her experience she is cautious about you and not sure about you.. You have to just try to gain her respect. and trust.by proving your self to her and making an effort with her.
2006-08-17 00:09:14 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with your parents.
If she cannot get past what happened to her years before & treat you as an individual instead of just a white girl then she is the one with the problem, not you.
Be polite to her & include her in things but make it plain that you are not bothered by it. She may come around. She should be happy that her son has found a caring, loving woman to share his life regardless of her colour.
2006-08-17 00:37:51 · answer #10 · answered by monkeyface 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Speak with your partner about this issue. If in the future you marry him, this situation may get out of worse. She (mother-in-Law) cannot judge you by her other experiences with Caucasian people. This is just an excuse to what she really feeling towards you.
2006-08-17 00:12:26 · answer #11 · answered by wilfredo a 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋