hey!do u have any jokes?tell me!?

Answer 1

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out his pants.

The bartender says, "Hey pirate, did you know you have a steering wheel in your pants?"

The Pirate says, "Arrrrr, it’s driving me nuts."
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George Bush, Albert Einstein and Pablo Picasso have all died. Due to a glitch in the celestial time-space continuum, all three arrive at the Pearly Gates more or less simultaneously, even though their deaths have taken place decades apart. The first to present himself to Saint Peter is Einstein. Saint Peter questions him.

"You look like Einstein, but you have no idea the lengths certain people will go to, to sneak into Heaven under false pretenses. Can you prove who you really are?"

Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I have a blackboard and some chalk?" Saint Peter complies with a snap of his fingers. The blackboard and chalk instantly appear.

Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his special theory of relativity. Saint Peter is suitably impressed.

"You really are Einstein! Welcome to heaven!"

The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again Saint Peter asks for his credentials. Picasso doesn't hesitate. "Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?" Saint Peter says, "Go ahead."

Picasso erases Einstein's scribbles and proceeds to sketch out a truly stunning mural. Bulls, satyrs, nude women: he captures their essences with but a few strokes of the chalk. Saint Peter claps.

"Surely you are the great artist you claim to be! Come on in!"

The last to arrive is George Bush. Saint Peter scratches his head. "Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity. How can you prove yours?"

Bush looks bewildered, "Who are Einstein and Picasso?"

Saint Peter sighs, "Come on in, George."
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A string walked into a bar and asked for a drink
The bartender pointed to a sign behind the bar that read
"We don't serve strings".
The string asked for a drink and the bartender said" can't you read, we don't serve strings."
Another string who had been watching this all transpire walked up to the bar and asked for a drink. The bartender said "Didn't you just hear me tell your friend we don't serve strings? Ain't you a string ? To which the string replied "No, I'm a fraid knot."
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After living in the remote wilderness of Kentucky all his life, an old
hillbilly decided it was time to visit the big city.

In one of the stores he picks up a mirror and looks in it. Not ever
having
seen one before, he remarked at the image staring back at him, "How
about
that! Here's a picture of my daddy."

He bought the 'picture', but on the way home he remembered his wife,
didn't
like his father. So he hung it in the barn, and every morning before
leaving
for the fields, he would go there and look at it. His wife began to get
suspicious of these many trips to the barn. One day after her husband
left,
she searched the barn and found the mirror. As she looked into the
glass,
she fumed, "So that's the ugly ***** he's runnin' around with."

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have fun

Answer 2

New Teacher

A new teacher was giving an assignment to her class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the male students. She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny Pat?"

"Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters."

"Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days."

The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment; she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny, Billy?"

"Well teacher, I just saw both of your garters."

Again she yells, "Get out of my classroom!" This time the punishment is more severe, "I don't want to see you for three weeks."

Embarrassed, she drops the eraser when she turns around, so she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an all out belly laugh from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom.

"Where do you think you are going?" she asks.

"Well teacher, from what I just saw, my school days are over."

Answer 3

Yes...CASH AND COLD
Two thieves cleaned out a drugstore. Said the first to the second: I better take all the cash".

Second one - " How about me"
First thief - "You better take the medicine for your cold"

Answer 4

Q: what's the difference between medium and rare?

A: Medium is 6 inchs and rare is 12inchs

Answer 5

http://www.comedycentral.com/jokes/index.jhtml
http://www.ahajokes.com/
http://www.the-jokes.com/
http://www.lotsofjokes.com/
http://www.jokesgallery.com/
http://www.workjoke.com/projoke.htm
http://www.jokes2000.com/
http://yahooligans.yahoo.com/content/jokes/
http://www.xs4all.nl/~jcdverha/scijokes/
http://www.kidsjokes.co.uk/
http://www.ahajokes.com/yo_mama_jokes.html
http://www.allfunnypages.com/funny-jokes/yo-mama-jokes/funny-yo-mama-jokes.htm
http://www.africanjokes.com/africanjokes/?id_category=98
http://www.blonde-jokes.info/
http://www.zelo.com/blonde/index.asp

Please visit the above pages to find different variety of jokes. I hope, it helps u in making u laugh. Enjoy and have fun..

Answer 6

A guy takes his pit bull to the vet,,,he say's "Doctor,,Doctor,,,why my dogs eyes are crossed what the hells going on???

The Vet bends down and picks up the dog,,,, looks at it straight in the eye's and say's,,,,
" Well,,,,,I'm going to have to put it down,,"

The guy freaks out and screams,,,"What the ***k !!!, your gonna put my dog down because he has crossed eye's???"

The Vet say's,,,,,"No,,,,,,,,I'm going to put it down because the dog is F**king heavy !!!"