I am a young bride who makes a living as a server. I have a small family on account that I don't know the other half (my mom). My dad only will contribute $2,000 for our wedding, however his parents feel they shouldn't have to pay anything due to "tradition". I feel a little upset because my groom has two parents and double the guest list and don't seem to want to help finacially. I have considered eloping put his family put up a big fuss. How do I get them to help us?
2006-08-16 19:26:54 · 35 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
get a job and pay yourself. Independence is hard to do but seems you need it about now.
2006-08-16 19:28:53 · answer #1 · answered by Southie9 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Do your wedding your own way. Find a place you both want to
be married at, a park, the beach, somewhere free....get a friend to
register online so they can legally marry you. Instead of a catered
dinner, just have cake and coffee or punch. You don't have to
throw a big wedding the traditional way. Figure out what would
feel right for you, not the parents. Its your life and you should
start it in a way that makes you happy and stress-free. When I got
married we didn't have much money, we had our friends make a
pot-luck dinner and I borrowed a dress from my friend, bought a few simple flowere to put in my hair and for his suit, had a friend
with skills take photos. We were able to have about 100 of our
friends at our ceremony and really enjoyed our day. No parents
were involved
Tell the parents what you are going to do, explain that since you have a limited budget, this is it. If they have a cow, tell them
you are more than willing to let them pay for the ceremony they
want. The tradition of the bride's family paying went out the window a long time ago, nowadays , most weddings I know of
both sets of parents pitch in.....
2006-08-16 19:38:41 · answer #2 · answered by Caiman94941 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell them to fork out the dough especially becaue they are the ones wanting the huge wedding with a giant guest list. I say if they have 50% of the guests they should have to pay 50% of the fees. If they have 70% then so on. That seems like a logical way of dealing with it. If it were me I would elope and then come back and have a nice potluck dinner where everyone brings food. (cheap) I have been to one of these receptions and it was very welcoming and homey feeling. Made it seem more family orientated which is what you want in a new marriage. All theposh stuff is just to show off. Keep it simple and small (KISS)
2006-08-16 19:33:20 · answer #3 · answered by bookizzie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The best advice I got when I was getting married was "This wedding is the first thing that you and your spouse do as a couple in public together. This is how you will start off your life. People will learn a lot about you and you will set the tone of your life together, based upon your wedding day. It is your day to show the world who you are as a couple and what you can accomplish and what is important to you. You make sure you do it your way."
If you force his folks to contribute they are going to want to make decisions and you will be starting off your life endebited to them. They will have the upper hand and honey, you don't want that.
Be glad they won't contribute. Put on the perfect party that really let's the world know who you are. There are all sorts of ways to manage the finances without having to beg them to share in the most important day in such an important way. It will probably turn out that they give you a large amount as a wedding gift - feeling it should go toward your house down payment rather than on the party or something.
Let it flow and visualize exactly how the day should be and it will come. Be sure to visualize both you and your fiance as happy and calm all the while too - it's work to make the big day perfect and so totally worth it (though we put most of our money in the Honeymoon cruise to Alaska!)
Peace and Best Wishes in your new life together!
2006-08-16 19:37:36 · answer #4 · answered by carole 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
According to tradition, when the brides family pays for the wedding then they decide how many get invited and where it's going to be. If the grooms parents are not paying for anything then they have no say in the wedding preparations. They will just have to limit their quests. Just tell them up front that you are very sorry but you have just so much to spend on the wedding. If they want to invite more quests then they have to contribute.
2006-08-16 19:36:57 · answer #5 · answered by Izzy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are an adult. Adults pay for their own weddings. If any other family members VOLUNTEER to help with any expenses, that's icing on the cake. The responsibility is mainly on the couple.
Advertising has people all over the coutry believeing that they have to throw a celebrity-style $20,000 wedding. You don't. Almost no one does, or else they've gone into debt to throw it because they are suckers for advertising.
It's actually more traditional to have a non-meal reception at a non-meal time of day, like just a wine and cheese party, or just cake and punch, or just coffee and danish.
We didn't do the engagement ring thing because our entire wedding budget is what other people spend on their engagement ring alone: $4500-5000 dollars. That includes a reception for 130 people, all attire, the rings, AND the mini-honeymoon.
2006-08-17 05:51:13 · answer #6 · answered by Etiquette Gal 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OK, who is in control here? That is, who is hosting the event? If you are the person in charge, then it is up to you to be firm about telling each side of the family "You may invite up to 30 people" and sticking with it. It is up to your groom to tell his family that the more they fuss, they more attractive the idea of elopement becomes.
You can't compel the groom's family to pay for anything; that is strictly voluntary. However, it works both ways. They can't compel YOU to take on the expense of giving a larger wedding than you can afford. The groom should be dealing with his own family on this, laying down the law on the number of guests they may invite.
2006-08-16 20:47:57 · answer #7 · answered by kill_yr_television 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you and your fiance can't afford to finance your wedding, you shouldn't be getting married yet, or have a way smaller wedding that you can handle. These days, with both bride and groom working, parents don't have any obligation to pay - look upon any amount they are willing to offer as a gift. Sounds like it's time to get both sets of parents together for a family meeting...
2006-08-17 03:22:11 · answer #8 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Congrats! Well first you gotta find out your budget. And that is were you are stuck, is your groom pitching in? My husband and I did half and half. I had been saving up money just because and he made the money in 7 months while we were dating. Is there anyway you can post pone the wedding until next year? Because I wouldn't advise you to do it all on credit, it's not worth it, being a newlywed and already in debt. If he has that many guests then talk to him about it, is he willing to pay for them? Good luck, I wish I could do more but it's really up to you
2006-08-16 19:51:13 · answer #9 · answered by Angel 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
$2000 is more than my parents gave me. You should pay for your own wedding. Have the type of wedding that you can AFFORD. Elope if you want to, his family can't complain about you saving money if they aren't prepared to pay for anything because of tradition. They can't have it both ways, either they contribute or you have a small wedding.
2006-08-16 21:56:09 · answer #10 · answered by maigen_obx 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cut down the size of the guess list from his side to fit your budget better... if you get complaints from his side then simply explain that due to the small budget you had to make some big changes. They may decide that having their family at the wedding is important enough to help out some. If not then maybe you should consider a much smaller wedding & inculde grandparents, parents & immediate family members only
2006-08-16 19:36:06 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋