Why do I have to be nice to my mother?

Question

My mother put me threw hell as a child. She would manage her marriage with complete disregard to how her fighting and arguments with her husband affected her childrens state of mind. Then, as I grew up she continued to treat me like a child and still does: disrespects my wishes, insults my decisions, and treats me as though I was still 3. So why should I "honour thy mother...?"

Answer 1

Consider your honoring her as more of simply taking the high road. She's petty, inconsiderate, hurtful, etc.: make the decision NOT to be like her. And this certainly doesn't mean you have to like her. If it works better for your life to have little or no contact with her, then that's what you need to do. If I were you, I'd also get some counseling. You need to work through your feelings about her, and make sure you are or become a different kind of person than she is.

Finally, it doesn't always happen (probably rare, actually) but people, especially as they get older, can change. Someday, you might decide she deserves a second chance of some kind.

Answer 2

As a mother that problem is hard for me; I don't disrespect my children or insult my children so I can not relate; however she is still your mother and maybe she thinks she is doing you a favor, not that I agree but without her you would not have been born nor would you know how you really should treat a child (by doing things different then her)!!! Try talking to her as an adult and if she still can't handle what you tell her and gets nasty just tell her I love you but I can no longer be a part of your life until you change some things!! Hope everything works out for the best and you and your mom can become friends!!!!

Answer 3

Nobody says you have to "honour" her but ask yourself, what is the use of treating her badly? What will you get from it? I think the honest answer is "nothing". You already suffered a lot because of your mother's attitude. And you, as a child, were smart enough to realize that what she was doing was wrong. I assume you are a grown-up now, why would you want to act towards her the same way she acted towards you? It would be a pitty and you would end up being no better than her, which I am sure it is not the case. Bad habits are easy to pick and hard to get rid off. Always think that the way you treat your mother now, that is the way your own children might treat you one day.

Answer 4

There is no biblical mandate that we must continually allow ourselves to be mistreated by anyone, including our parents. I too grew up in an abusive home. I honor my father by sending him a Father's Day card, calling him to thank him if he sends me a gift, and by never speaking ill of him to anyone. I probably won't see him again until his funeral, but I'm okay with that. I do not treat him disrespectfully, and I do not allow him to treat me disrespectfully either because he never has the opportunity. I speak to him once a year on the phone, and only for a few minutes, no more than five. Any more than that, and he starts speaking inappropriately to me.

He continues to speak ill of me to others, and he is a bitter, angry person, but that is not my problem. I have worked hard to have a happy life and be a decent person, and I think that honors him too, whether he contributed to my success or not.

My heart goes out to you, and I wish you strength, confidence and peace.

Answer 5

It's one of the Ten Commandments - Honor your father and mother.

Now - aside from that - you need to gain some distance from a hurtful relationship. Tell her you need to have some space from her, because she makes you feel bummed out being around her because of the way she treats you. That should surprise her enough to make her ask why - then tell her just what you have told us.

Next - you need to say what happened in my childhood doesn't have to affect my adulthood. Don't let it run your life or ruin your life.

Answer 6

You can honor your mother by eliminating her from you life. I have. My mother has a narcissistic personality. She treated me like crap for years until I had enough. Hours before I gave birth to my baby girl is the last time I spoke to her. She made the conversational all about her. She was going on and on about whatever and I told her what I thought. She has never tried to contact me or see her grandaughter. it is tottally her loss she is losing an awesome grandaughter.


So, you can honor her by not allowing her to cause friction or tension in your life.

Answer 7

Even after all that --she is still your mother and you should respect her..My mom treated me like dirt all my life..but even now as an adult i still have respect for her..even though i still think she was so wrong in her actions..but i put that aside--it gets me no where to dwell on those thoughts..it won't change or make all those memories go away..I don't want anything bad to happen and my last thoughts were bad,,you know what i mean??

Answer 8

Honoring our mother is a command, not a choice. And it is in our interest to honor her. Strange as it may seem and absolutely contradictory to how we may feel at some point, the directive is beneficial to us because choosing the other course of action, i.e. hating our mothers, or dishonoring them, will not bring about any benefits to us in the long run. When you honor your mother, you are playing above board. When you are above board, you have a clear conscience and a peace of mind. Separate issues from emotions. We honor our mother because our physical existence comes from her.

Answer 9

If you have carried a child for 9 months is a good enough reason to love your mother. She has provided you with everything she could at that particular time. You will always be your mothers' baby! We all are!

Answer 10

If your mother is harming your mental state of well being then you need to take action to remedy the situation. Your choices are to avoid contact or both go to a counselor.