my 9 month old daughter cries uncontrollably everytime I leave for work?

Question

she cries so much to the extent of throwing herself on the floor. My husband says it's because I spoil her. I'm so concerned I've thought of seing a child psycologist. Any suggestions?

Answer 1

How long have you been working? Talk with her pediatrician if you are concerned. This is a very normal reaction and she is probably perfectly healthy, both physically and mentally. I doubt you spoil her. My husband says that to me all the time but only when the kids whine. He is very proud of "his" children when they behave.
Some tips for transtitions that I have found to work:
* Establish a routine. Have very strict (but short) rituals before you leave. My kids' favorite rituals are: a goodbye song, a special handshake, and a playful and melodramatic hug and kiss.
* Get ready a little earlier so that she has some time after you are ready and right before you leave to get used to the idea.
* Though tempting, do not sneak out, even once; it will just make everything worse.
* Your husband is more responsible for her reaction than you are. He needs to get her involved in a fun activity before you leave. (Not TV or something fun for him, it has to be him on the floor playing with her.)
* Always leave happy, no matter how upset you feel, always have a big, confident smile when you hug and kiss her and tell her bye.
* Get her a special box of toys that are only for after you leave for work. Make sure Dad takes them out RIGHT after you leave EVERY TIME. A few super special toys like a Little Touch Leap Pad or something that makes music or some "work stuff" like Mommy's are really good choices.

All kids have a time when they do this, they are trying to exert their newfound power to get you to stay and are trying to test just what it would take. It will pass, and if Dad gets involved to help, I bet she will stop crying sooner after you leave and will eventually learn to accept and cope with you leaving. You may want to remind Dad that it is HIS job to teach her how to cope, so laying it all on you is not only mean, but wrong. He needs to not just watch from the sidelines while she struggles with your absence, he needs to hug her, hold her and play with her so she can see that Daddy is fun, he can take care of her, and she can be without you.
Good luck.

Answer 2

Don't worry. There is nothing seriously wrong with your child. At right about 9 months most babies go through what is commonly called "separation anxiety." Basically they are just learning that things (and people) leave the room and now they need to learn that they will also come back. During the learning phase, they cry and scream and put up a fuss that rips out the heart of the most sedate mother.

What you can do is be as calm as possible. Don't drag out the leaving process. Usually the baby will calm down after you've been gone a few minutes, so the longer the goodbyes, the more time baby has to be upset. Don't try to sneak out and trick your baby either (that can backfire). Instead, just calmly kiss your baby goodbye and head out the door. Ignore the screams. They will stop. You can tell the person caring for your child to call you if your baby hasn't calmed down in 20 or 30 minutes (you decide). But chances are your baby will be fine a short time after you leave, especially if she becomes interested in something else.

Take heart in this--as quickly as this all began it will disappear. You will say, "Good bye," and your baby will barely look up from what she is doing. The key is for you to remain calm and not to overreact. Don't let her feel like she's getting extra attention from you when she screams or she will scream all the more. Stay calm. It will soon be over.

Best wishes.

Answer 3

She is a little young to have seperation anxiety, however i know that sometimes younger children will have it. Did u have any problems with your pregnancy? I say this because my friend was having complications the last two months of pregnancy and her child had seperation anxiety starting at 5 months. He would trow tantrums and make himself throw up. For some reason I remember reading about how children who had some problems in the womb will be VERY attached to theor mothers. Anyway I would try to not make a big deal when u leave. Dont say bye and let the person who is caring for her when u leave have her preoccupied doing something else. Maybe if the person can take her for a walk while u are getting ready and u can leave when they are gone. I wouldnt worry about a child psycologist. This is a normal behavior, it just a little earlier than normal. She will eventually get over this. Im sure if u ask your peditrician they will tell u that nothing bad will come out of this. Good luck!

Answer 4

It depends. If you are away most of her waking hours, then she misses you. A bond between mommy and baby is intense. To her you are all she has. The safest place in her world is your arms. I mean if she only sees you a few hours a day, thats not enough time.
If you see her most of the day, and spend more than say 15 hours most everyday with her, than its just seperation anxiety and she needs to grow out of it.
I wouldnot suggest a child phycologist, goodness, she's hardly even had time to devolop a personality. She doesnt need a doctor, she needs her mommy.

** I think most of the other people are missing the age factor here. You do NOT SPANK a 9 month old. Also telling her why you're leaving wont help because she wont understand. She way too little.

Answer 5

I got a 9 mo. old girl too. And she is doing the same thing. Especialy at bed time she wants to be in bed with us and not in her crib. Separation means that she is distressed to part from you. All babies experience this problem to some degree. It's a normal development stage. What gives way to this anxiety is your babys new ability to understand when you are not around. for more infomation check out Boston's Children Hospital guide to your child health and development. And tell your husband to be PATIENT!!

Answer 6

She probably stops 5 seconds after your gone. In fact when your leaving her and she starts crying don't give her the chance to throw her self on the floor in front of you. Just kiss her, tell her you love her, and leave. She'll stop her tantrum as soon as your gone and that will just keep it from dragging out and breaking your heart even more. My mom used to babysit and she had a baby that would do that and his dad would just stay and try to wait for him to stop crying. He always stopped after his dad left. She won't always do it. And I disagree with "spoiled" being the reason =-) ......... I think it's just a phase that alot of babies go through.

Oh, and don't lie to her.....That's really a bad suggestion.

Answer 7

Don't let her see you leave... Tell her that mommy has to go to work in her bedroom and you will be in there while her babysitter watches her in the other room... then sneak out when the babysitter is entertaining her in another room.. Have the badbysitter tell her from time to time that mommy is working in the bedroom....Dont let the baby see you walk out the door is just too hard on the baby right now.. This might cushion it a little... Try it

Answer 8

Are you absolutely sure she is not being abused in your absence? I worked with abused children and this was a behavior they would exhibit. How does she act with her care giver? Look at ALL the signs, not just the uncontrollable crying when you leave. If she is otherwise happy (especially with the care giver), it could just be separation anxiety. Otherwise, I would question what is happening when you are not there. Frequent rashes, unexplained marks, constantly being injured inexplicabley, nightmares, wanting to cling to you or other "safe" people. There is probably more to look at that you are not seeing.

Answer 9

I know just what you are going through!! If you spend alot of time with her, doing things with her and for her, playing with her etc. she is going to miss that when you aren't around.. and at that age she isn't going to understand that mommy will be back after work.. but do not just leave without telling her goodbye and letting her know that you will be back soon... she will eventually realize that mommy leaves but mommy will be back.. I had made the mistake of trying this with my son when he was younger... not as young as your daughter, but it was very hard to leave when he cried for me so I would "sneak" out when he was occupied by someone else or playing with his favorite toy, the last time I did that I was able to watch him, without him seeing me, when he realized mommy wasn't around he litterally freaked out... it was the saddest thing ! he went around crying and looking for me... and I wasn't there.. as far as he knew.. I didn't say goodbye or mommy will be back later so it was very traumatic for him.. and for me.. so I never did that again.. it's hard when they cry for you... my son still does it sometimes... not as much.. and he's five now.. it'll get better.. good luck

Answer 10

that is totally normal between 8 and 12 months. They outgrow it quickly. The thing is, once you leave, it doesn't take her long to calm down and start playing and having a good time.