Ive been together with my boyfriend for about 4 years, after he got out of prison he was in for 14 years for some robberies that he did back in the 80s. We got together again actually he was my boyfriend I was 18 years old he was 16 we have a daughter together she is 26 this year he also had used drugs back than in the 80s . He was on parole for 3 years got a job and has always gave me the impression of being a very hard and reliable worker. It seems like a little after he got off parole he started his old ways again, I have talked to him over and over again, last night I had a very serious talk with him I even cried my heart out the topic of course was about him using drugs and being irresponsible. I told him that I just can't live like this anymore and said to him if you are man enough you would leave me willingly and go get help. Meaning leave with out a problem, the triplex we live in is under my contract name. Please give me some more advice, i just want my sanity back.
2006-08-16 17:23:39 · 26 answers · asked by Loveley 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Sounds like you are a strong woman, you have survived without him in your life for many years. Its not a easy situation, if he wont leave willingly and is up to his old habits, you know in your heart it wont stop. I "assume" since he did 14 years for robbery there must have been violence involved. If there is any type of threat to your well being, go to the court house and ask to file for a Order of Protection.I'm not sure, but if you call the courthouse, see if you can legally file a motion to have someone removed from the home that is not on the lease. If he is violating any of his parole stuff, call his parole officer (be careful and be safe if he will get angry with you)
Been there, done that, its not easy, but you can do it
2006-08-16 17:38:53 · answer #1 · answered by Amy S 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Since you two have a child together, it's best if you end your relationship with him on an amicable level.
Express to him that he's not the man you loved when you first met him. That you, yourself, have changed into another person and that the years that have separated the two of you has only damaged that relationship. No matter what he can promise you today, it can NEVER change what you've missed out on over the years. Growing apart from somebody doesn't mean you don't stop loving them. Be honest with him about his habits. If your honest with him, and he leaves, at that point it truly is up to him to become the man you once loved. Giving him an ultimatum only causes tension and recognition of failure. Straight out tell him he needs to leave and not to look back if he doesn't care to be at the same level you are at in live.
The old saying goes "If you love him, set him free. If he loves you, he'll come back."
2006-08-17 00:43:33 · answer #2 · answered by Min 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please get this man to agree with you on a certain date by which he will move out of your apartment. You can't just thrown him out on the street or call the police and have him taken away if you don't have proof that he has done anything illegal. You have to take your daughter's feelings into consideration, too. Even though she is 26 he is still her father and I'm pretty sure she will be upset with you if she believes that you are treating him unfairly. You might even consult with her to let her know that you are going to give him a certain amount of time to find his own place. Then she will understand that you are trying your best to help him not hurt him (or her). You must move on with your life without this man. His drug problems could become your problems if he is living in your apartment or driving your car.
2006-08-17 00:34:31 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally I say pack all his clothes and put them outside change the lock on the door. If comes there and doesn't want to leave and banging on the door call the police and tell them to tell him to leave and not come back. Since your daughter is grown she can decide if she wants to see him or not on her own time. You don't need him around. You can be miserable by yourself instead of twice as miserable with him. If is doing drugs and back to his old ways he can make you lose everything that you have worked for and accomplished. Make him leave and don't except his calls that way he can't make you feel bad. It is his own doing. You are doing the right thing. Make your self happy. You deserve better than that.
2006-08-17 11:45:27 · answer #4 · answered by WildChild 0 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is time to call the Sheriff and have him thrown out. Get a restraining order to prevent him from coming within 1000 yards of you. If he won't leave, it's your only recourse.
(And make sure you know where the closest police department, women's shelter is located with phone number - change your locks immediately).
Too bad he is off parole - you could turn him in for violation due to using drugs and he'd really be out of your life.
I hope he left.
Good luck.
2006-08-17 00:32:31 · answer #5 · answered by D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Change the locks, throw his crap on the street, get a restraining order to keep him away. Or, you could just screw the lease and leave. Sanity is more important than a broken lease. Who knows, your landlord may be sympathetic and release you from it. Then, go find a real man. Good luck.
2006-08-17 00:45:22 · answer #6 · answered by MaqAtak 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are in a tough situation.
It is highly unlikely that he will leave of his own volition, as he most likely does not see options on what to do next, or where to go.
You'll need to take tougher approach. Some options are:
- change the locks (give him suggestions where to go, or refer him to social services)
- move out.
Either way, you will have to take the step, he won't do it, no matter your requests, or tears.
Be strong, and do it. Your future is at stake.
2006-08-17 00:34:22 · answer #7 · answered by Silvana 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him he's out of last chances. Pack his stuff, put it outside and change the locks. Do what the rest of us do when we get ourselves mixed up with crappy people, if you want your life and your sanity back you are going to have to fight for it. He'll get his butt thrown back in prison before long anyway and when he does end all contact with him. And try hanging out with a better class of people in the future.
2006-08-17 00:30:57 · answer #8 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just tell him to hit the sticks. get lost move out we are over were threw were done. and if u are scared he will hurt u or something call the police.
is ur daughter 26 years old or 26 months old??
if she is 26 years old well han u have no ties to him what so ever
2006-08-17 00:29:32 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If drugs weren't involved, I'd change the locks. Since they are- please be careful! How long do you ahve on your lease? If not long, wait for it to come up and don't renew. Move out of the apartment but in with someone. Don't live alone after leaving someone with a drug problem. They might not seem like the type to come after you, but anything is possible. My aunt had to move to a different city cause her ex kept coming after her. PLEASE BE CAREFUL!
2006-08-17 00:29:54 · answer #10 · answered by I_heart_anderson_cooper 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋