A distance cousin of mine has been searching for his father for 40 years. His father walked out on his mother when he was a teenager and hasn't seen him since. Recently, we found a man in Oregon by the same name and year of birth, so he called the man. When he called the man's new wife answered the phone and when he talked to the husband, he asked him if he had ever lived in WI. The man answered 'yes,' but when he asked if he had any children, the man snapped at him, said 'no' and hung up. My cousin remembers the sound of his father's voice, and knew it was him. But now his father won't answer the phone. How can someome get someone else to admit who they really are? Help, Please!
2006-08-16 16:38:28 · 7 answers · asked by fonzfan_2006 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Genealogy
If his goal is simply to prove who his father is, you can use a peoplefinding service like veromi.com to prove it (birth dates, social security numbers, etc.). A private investigator would do that for you. But now that the cousin is an adult, he should find out from mom why the man left in the first place - the real reason. If he was a teenager, then, it's been 40 years. He should be able to find out why they fought and have a better understanging of it, without all the emotion he felt as a child.
If you have the correct person, then look at why he wants to find him. Take the time to write a letter explaining this. With a letter, the recipient has time to think about the whole issue and to decide how to handle it. With a phone call, he probably reacted with shock and fear. And he may regret how he handled the call but not know how to fix the problem.
If the first letter doesn't work, send a second. Don't ask for anything from the person and send it with something that requires a signature. That way you know he's reading it and just explain in the letter that that's why you sent it that way. Don't ask him to contact you, just talk about your life, what you've done with it to make him proud, and let him see that you are interested in the person now, not the past. You may even have to say you realize that this man may not be your father, but without having one, this man is the closest you have to one. And that by writing, it gives you a change to say the things to him that you would say to your father if you could find him.
If the second is received, send a third, and so on. He will be reading the letters and eventually, may decide it's time to reconnect. But you can't make someone admit they are your father. He's had 40 years to deny it. That's hard to undo and he may well be afraid there is 10 years of child support and interest you're trying to get him to pay.
Hope this helps.
2006-08-17 03:18:25 · answer #1 · answered by An Oregon Nut 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have your friend write a note a very sincere note and ask for a reply. Make sure your friend know's this is his dad.. if the wife gets the letter there will deffinately be some persuasion on her part to get the father to call or write back.. Good Luck. This is sad. Note's will work best cause they will have to listen.. If the dad is that uninterested tell him to give up or fly there and make some more bolder attempts...
2006-08-16 16:45:41 · answer #2 · answered by simple 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, at this late date, I doubt there is a way. This man has managed to forget his own son for 40 years; a note's not going to change that now. If he does decide to send a note, don't send it to the father; send it to his wife. She is the best bet to get this to happen. Shocked women can manage all sorts of things, and I'm sure discovering that her husband of however many years has a son he abandoned will shock her sufficiently. On the reverse side, she may the grasping type, who wants nothing to do with a long-lost son of his, and goads him to ignore the son. She is the one to judge for that. Her stance will determine his, because if she wants to know this son, it WILL happen. If she doesn't, it won't, regardless of what the father wants.
2006-08-17 02:05:18 · answer #3 · answered by graytrees 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Why is it so important? If it is his father, the man obviously does not want anything to do with his son. You have stated no proof that he is the correct man. In my genealogy research, I have found a few people with the same name and same date of birth who do not seem to be related at all. If you cousin is looking for a relationship with this man, face it, it's not going to happen. If he is looking for back child support, hire a private investigator.
2006-08-17 06:16:17 · answer #4 · answered by Gypsy Girl 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
get a private investigater ,to collect the evidence and then presure the guy with that .
2006-08-16 16:44:34 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Luke,I am your father ! I just know oh, pull my finger slowly.
AAAAhhhhh , thanks, You need a friend and not to worry about
who anyone is and remember who you are in life.
2006-08-16 16:45:29 · answer #6 · answered by baddog 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Get a private Investigator!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2006-08-16 16:46:34 · answer #7 · answered by K White 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋