I have been dating my bf for about 6 years now...and not once has he talked to me about talking the next step...it seems like I am the only one who wants a future in this relationship... He says he loves me, he says he can't live without me, and he says he knows we will end up together someday...but why won't he ask me to marry him?
He has had a steady job for at least 3 years, and I just graduated from college...I think I am ready for the next step...and he still says he is not ready. How can someone not know if the relationship will progress to marriage or not after 6 years?
2006-08-16 15:46:10 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He is almost 30, and I am 25...
2006-08-16 15:56:59 · update #1
He wants to wait another 3 or 4 years before he even thinks about the idea of marriage.
2006-08-18 10:49:12 · update #2
Your boyfriend must have some issues surrounding marriage. Has something occurred in his life that gives him this type of outlook toward marriage? If you have been together for 6 yrs, there is no doubt that he is committed to you. Could it be possible that he is wanting to be in a position (for the both of you) where he feels there will be more security? This will be up to you as to how long you are willing to wait. Are you usually the one that brings up marriage and do you do it quite often? Some guys want to feel like the proposal of marriage is their idea and to surprise the woman when she least expects it. There are people that don't get married for awhile and are just fine as long as they have the type of relationship that is fulfilling them. It sounds like he is planning on you being the one....maybe if you don't push this issue, he might just surprise you sooner than you think!
2006-08-18 10:37:58 · answer #1 · answered by Geez Louise 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like either he is telling you the truth and isn't ready for marriage, or that he just doesn't know how to break things off. Everybody matures at their own rate and not everybody will be ready for marriage right after college, so give him some time. Ask him to think seriously about whether you two will get married in the future, if the answer is no then I would break things off if marriage is what you want. Remember there are a lot more guys out there who are commitment ready and if things aren't working out, maybe it's time to move on.
2006-08-16 22:53:58 · answer #2 · answered by jellybean24 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion 'don't try to fix something that isn't broken'.
If you guys are getting along fine then there is no problem. Don't pressure him it can be a real turn off. I have been with my partner for over 6 yrs now also, and neither of us are fazed about the whole marriage thing. As far as I am concerned I don't need a piece of paper to show my love.
Rather than worrying about marriage, why don't you focus on things on a day to day basis, that's what I do. Maybe become involved in something like travel, another way to share interests to help solidify a relationship.
Good Luck and Take each day as it comes.
2006-08-16 23:00:46 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good question.
I think one has to make up their mind where this is going at some point. If there is a future, it is something that needs to be expressed pretty soon. I would not waste my time on someone if they cannot after this many years cannot make a commitment to something more long term. Set a time to make a decision that if they do not take a next step you consider walking.
2006-08-16 22:52:45 · answer #4 · answered by Kerry Z 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just an opinion based on my life an experience.....
I married young (18)....... Was married for 18 years......
We had some great years together, we aslo had some
crappy years together......
When we met I had only been with a few females
so I had very little experience in love and relationships. My ex on the other hand had plenty of experience (many relationships).
She was in love with me and I with her...........
we were very happy together and really truely enjoyed being together.......
I was sure that if such a thing as True Love really existed than , this was surely it...... :-)
Our sex life was spectacular , sometimes we would make love for more than 15 or 16 hours....
My Desire for her was enormous , the passion we had was not even describable.......
After about 10 years things began to change......
I felt that she was not as happy but I said nothing......
In my heart I could feel her slipping away but when asked
she would reply, " I am happy. Your the one that isn't happy "
Nothing could have been farther from the truth....
I know my own heart and I know even if my life coulda been a little bit better, this was now my life.......
After several confrontations about our relationship and careful consideration and deep thinking, I became aware that the only chance that my beautiful wife might have to be happy was for her to not be with me........
Well she had no place to go other that to live with her mom so she couldn't just leave..... Thus I told her till she could get on her feet I would gladly help her to survive.....
This went on for several years meanwhile our sex life never changed, I know that sounds kinda impossible but let me assure you we always had spetacular sex and Love Making.....
Well when our daughter was old enough (17+) my ex was still unhappy. This is were it gets weird......
After many discussions with my daughter about her abusive mom, and what we were gonna do , it was decided the best move would be for my daughter to secretly talk to our Mexican neighbors that knew plenty of single, working men.......
The plan.....
After confiming that the neighbors knew that her mother was unhappy, she would in confidence ask then to set her mom up with a single man........
This is when my ex and I parted ways......
She met an immigrant that spoke no english, but with the help of the neighbors she began a relationship with him behind my back while I was at work......
This went on for several weeks during this time we had no sex...
Almost one month after meeting him and dating him and having sex with him she decided to tell me.....
I had just returned home from workand she said she would be leaving..... She was not allowed to take any of her things, cause she said it would make him jelous.....
Now some may think I'm a bastard for manipulating our situation, but I felt that if she wasn't happy with me her only chance for happiness would for her not to be with me.......
Thus my actions (above)
I guess it all amounts to this, now I believe if two people love each other that marriage isn't really neccesary.....
If one becomes unhappy they actually can just leave instead of being stuck in a relationship that has fallen apart.....
Ultimately she is still not happy but has been with the same man for the past 8 years......
I am not happy now either but I have chosen to wait for the girl of my dreams........ (currently no sex or dates for the last 8 years)
:-( Maybe I shoulda tried to harder to stay in a bad relationship
But I feel I did more than most would have done to at least give her a chance for happiness....
So getting married is not all that it's cracked up to be, things change after marriage thats a fact.............
Watch what ya wish for......
2006-08-16 23:56:47 · answer #5 · answered by Larry 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He probably scared of commitment. He says he loves you and cant live without you. He does mean it but hes probably not ready or is just to scared to make a commitment. Just give him alil bit longer he will come around. Yeahh its been 6 years but guys are scared of saying how they truely feel about a person. So just give some more time.
2006-08-16 22:53:58 · answer #6 · answered by age 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
he sounds like he really loves you, and wants to be with you, hes just not ready for marriage. Alot of guys have a hard time committing to that. It just seems to big to them (even when they know they will be with this person for the rest of their life) Guys are just weird like this. I went through the same thing with my boyfriend, and he just wasnt ready. Im glad we waited entil he was ready though, because i know we both put our heart and soul into it, and have no regrets.
best wishes and good luck
2006-08-16 22:52:31 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why should he buy the cow when he's getting the milk for free. You're putting out. If you weren't this would have been over a long time ago. That was mistake number one - getting involved sexually.
He's had enough time. It's time for an ultimatum. Either he makes an honest woman out of you or you're finding someone who is willing to commit. Period. Make up your mind, bub, you have one month to decide.
In the meantime.....cut him off.....no sex.
2006-08-16 22:53:57 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's gotta be up to you and what you want. Committment and marriage are not important to him. They are important to you. I decided to not date anyone but my husband 3 years ago and now he is sleeping in our bedroom as we speak. Earlier that year I broke up with my fiance whom I'd been with almost 6 years You won't get what you want until you decide you'll settle for nothing less than just that. Are YOU willing to wait... and what are you waiting FOR? Fast and pray.
2006-08-16 22:54:40 · answer #9 · answered by Sleek 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're want to get married you should level with him and ask him what his deal. Maybe he's just afraid or something juvenile like that. Just so you know you're description of him makes me think he's joke.
*ALERT*
Whenever a guy tells you he can't live without you it's 90% of the time total Bullsh*t
2006-08-16 22:57:50 · answer #10 · answered by rogue chedder 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋