Does my daughter hate her dad?

Question

My daughter is two and a half. Every morning I meet her dad and he takes her for the day. Every morning I have a fight on my hands with her. She screams and kicks and says she doesn't like her daddy. But then once I finally get her into his car and they pull away she's fine. So I've been told. At least when I call she's still not crying. My therapist says it's not normal for a child to not like her dad with such passion. She always says "I don't like my dad" But when asked why she doesn't answer. This morning I fed her breakfast before sending her and she was just fine. She didn't even care he was picking her up.

Answer 1

This is something that needs to be looked into, kids don't act out unless something is very wrong.

Answer 2

I would hope that you have no reason to be alarmed and if you were to suspect anything I would also hope you would take immediate action. That said, my third child who is 3 is a complete moronic idiot any morning her dad goes in to get her out of bed instead of me. She screams at him to get out and that she wants mummy and I thank God he doesn't take it personally and loses his cool in frustration because while he's trying to give me a little sleep in and a break, he's getting complete abuse from her. Even my feelings are hurt for him and I'm angry but he just tells her plainly over her screaming that it is him or nothing so while he's in the bathroom getting ready, she can decide what she wants to do, stay in bed or come with him, simple as that. I have often wondered what anyone walking by in the morning must think hearing all of her screaming on those days. She could be singing away, completely happy in her room and the minute she sees him open her bedroom door, off she goes screaming her head off and has been doing it ever since she could. Only in the last few months have I noticed that she isn't doing it anymore. I also do daycare and some kids just get stuck in the routine of being emotional with goodbyes (and hellos as a matter of fact). Talk to her beforehand and tell her when you'll see her again over and over and ask her to repeat back to you when you will see each other again and the minute she starts up ask her what you just talked about and make her repeat it to herself and you again. Sometimes when they hear themselves say it they can calm themselves down by repeating it. Ask her what she will be doing with Daddy and see if she might request something. You could try and say "hi Daddy, we were just talking about going to the park, maybe that's something you could do today?" I would let him know beforehand so he knows what you're trying to do too (so he doesn't think you're controlling his day or recommending something he can't do that day and now he looks worse in her eyes). How does he react to it when she goes on like this? Is his frustration evident to her or does he overreact with going overboard trying to please her? Try and keep the hand off as quiet and calm as possible and neither one of you should react to her behaviour. Just hug her and reassure her. To me it seems her confidence is low and she needs some reassurance, from both of you. She seems to want to control the situation so take her lead and see if you can calm things down a bit. I know it can be upsetting for everyone involved. Good luck.

Answer 3

I hate to sound so alarming, but this sounds like a very serious problem. And your statement that "she's fine once they pulled away SO I'VE BEEN TOLD" indicates to me that you are already suspecting "something" isn't right. I would suggest taking your daughter to a doctor immediately to see if she's being abused. Her reaction to her father seems WAAAAAAY over the top for a child her age. I'm scared for her, to be honest. And I'm scared for you too. I sincerely hope that my thoughts are wrong, but it's smart to be EXTREMELY careful in a situation like this. My heart goes out to you. You and your daughter will be in my prayers.

Answer 4

I've owned a commercial daycare, and trust me, most toddlers have problems of some kind saying goodbye. Its separation anxiety and its perfectly normal. Without other red flags, then its probably nothing to worry about.
Just make the goodbye quick and matter of fact. Don't play into the drama.

Answer 5

Well to be honest I have only 2 theorys in mind......1) my foster siblings were abused by there step dad....my foster sister got the worst of it. Basically he is a registered sex offender for raping her. It started when she was young mostly because he was bigger than her and he was "in charge". He took advantage of her and her brothers untill they finally told someone about this. If someone would have caught it sooner it could have saved some of her respect for the world......2) your little girl might just not want to leave you. I used to have problems leaving my mom because i was simply attached.

Answer 6

I think if it was something serious.she wouldn't want to see him or go with him.You are saying she doesn't care to be picked up by her father.It also sound's like you don't trust the dad.You have your doughs.Just talk to the dad ,tell him about it.Sometimes when i am demanding towards my son,or when he gets punished he'll say mommy i don't love you.So it may be normal.But then again ,it may be something not so normal.Definitely keep an eye on the situation.

Answer 7

you have 2 choices here
A- her dad is either abusing her or is simply not giving her everything she wants.
B- shes cranky because shes hungery or still tired.

a- my son throws tantrums when ever he comes back home from Grandma's for a visit we literally sometimes have to hold him down so that grandma can leave again or if i'm picking him up i have to drag him across the yard kicking and screaming. and what we found was that he for 1 dont have to compeat with his brothers for attention at grandma's (she rarly takes any one but him) and she lets him get by with more than his dad and i let him get by with. ( And WE Know we dont abuse him) (ask the dad what his idea of proper little girl behavior is, his idea might be stricter than yours and the problems that simple!)(my son has even told me that he hates me in these moments only to cuddle up to me 5 min later and tell me how much he missed me and how much he loves me) (kids are funny that way)
allso
b-My son will throw fits about going to school in the moring to the point you think they must be beating him their (and you know their not) One morning my mom was going to take him to school and she came to get him a few minutes early (he adors his grandma she's usually the one to take him so i dont have to drag him little brothers with me to take him) she walked across the yard with him to her house and took him inside my dad was eating breakfast and my son ended up begging it off him. but when he got to school he didnt throw the usually fit. each morning we fed him at home he went ok if something came up or we ran late and didnt feed him he'd scream like someone was killing him and the teacher would have to hold on to him so that my mom or I could excape. once we left and they ordered breakfast he would calm down and be fine. (they always have breakfast first thing in the morning there , thats why i haddnt thought of feeding him before he went.) But it worked and he would even eat the school meal better too. next week he will start kidergarden and the next one down will start Pre K and i will (thankfully) only have one at home for a while!! (yippy)

Answer 8

I can understand your frustration. I had a similar problem with a baby sitter. Just realize, what ever you do...trust your gut. Mommy's know. Whether we realize it or not, mommy's know. Even my own family wouldn't believe what I was telling them, so don't be swayed from whatever your mommy vibes are telling you.

Answer 9

Dads are not mommies... they are not as comforting and have different ways of raising children... as long as you are absolutely positive he is not abusing her in any way she may just be noticing the differences in how you both respond to her and wants her mommy

Answer 10

sounds like she needs mom and she has attachment issues. she doesn't hate her dad though