Be honest: Would you have a tough time raising a child with "special needs"?

Question

This question is not intended to be offensive, although I'm sure it will be to some people. And I apologize for that. But I am asking this because I wonder if there are others out there who feel the same way I do.

Don't get me wrong. I have nothing against kids who are disabled. I have a cousin who is... severely. He is 17 and totally dependent on his mother to do everything for him. My aunt is also an alcoholic and it's highly suspected that that's where his "developmental challenges" started in the first place. But that's neither here nor there.

As for me personally though, I have thought about this... and even prayed about it. In the end, I prayed that God would not give me a child like that. I don't think I would be good for it. I am terrified of having a child who would be that needy. I know ALL children are needy. But there are different levels... trust me.

It's not that I'm more selfish than the next pereson. But I am honest. Anyone else feel the same way?

Answer 1

I intend to adopt more children with special needs so I don't feel the same way. However, I do applaud your ability to express yourself. many people end up taking on challenges that they are not prepared or equipped for. in the case of parenting, our society makes it very hard for someone to say they are just not up to the task , even if the child is more challenging than the average. This is not fair to parents and especially not to children. Children should not be forced to have parents who are not able to be the best parents for them. I think we should all work hard to make it easier for parents to find alternate placements for their children without being condemned. Not everyone can be good at every thing. Our society makes it virtually impossible for women to admit that they don't want to have children or that they do not wish to raise them. I don't think it is selfish to decide that you are not the best parent for a special child, it actually would be more selfish to raise such a child just to avoid the condemnation of society.

Answer 2

I don't think your being selfish at all. I do feel the same way. When I was pregnant with my son I was scared all the time. I didn't even want to sit down the wrong way or stand the wrong way. I was lucky, he was a preemie and only weighed 4 pds 7 ounces. He fit in my hand and was so small. I think all the stress I put on myself made that happen also. All he got was just having to wear glasses. He was so cute wearing glasses at 1 years old. But other than that he was fine. I would have a very difficult time with a special needs child. I don't think I could take it, my heart would literally break into pieces knowing I'd probably never have any grandchildren or a life of my own ever and then have to worry about that child if something ever happened to me. You are truthful and that's what matters. There are special places that a child could go with special needs that families are willing to take and care for. I think God put those people on this earth for that reason. If I knew a head of time I would end the pregnancy and beg for forgiveness. I am being truthful also. It's a very painful subject to talk about.

Answer 3

That's ******* terrible if they change the name just because it wasn't the 'perfect child'. Yes, of course ai picture what Delilah or Noah (my favorite names) might look like, but I wouldn't love them any less or change the name just because they didn't fit what I pictured them as. However, they might have a reason behind the change...for example: 1.) They probably realize that kids get made fun of in school - a lot. Names & disabilities being two of the most common reasons (wealth & appearance high up there too), and decided to give him a more common name so cut down on a lot of the teasing he'd get (Let's face it - the more uncommon the name, the higher teasing would be). 2.) Maybe they realize raising a child with downs syndrome will be harder than raising a 'normal' child, and have decided this will be their last, and want to honor a family member named Michael. Both are pretty far fetched, I know, but possibilities. The point is - they might have a good reason for the name change, even though they haven't told anyone why.

Answer 4

If and I pray you only have healthy children, you did have a disabled or extra needy child, you'd love that child as unconditionally as the others if had more.

I come very close to losing my son, and for many months I was told he was going to be left disabled. Brain damaged, deaf dumb some with realization of him making a recovery like some sight, most of his hearing but he was definately affected by the traumas of meningitis.
I loved him as unconditionally as when he was healthy, as my other children. He grew to make almost a total recovery and exceedingly intelligent,
I also have a child who was perfectly healthy but I got told she should have been an only child because of the attention she demanded, shes 17 now and grown up so much. She was such hard work, needy and attention seeking. It isn't just the disabled who need extra attention, love , children need it generally

I actually even wondered what you asked myself once, when I was a kid lol....if I had a disabled child, and even if I could love more than 1 when I grew would/could I love them
I got my answers when I grew up (mum of 7 :D)

Answer 5

Most people who have children with special needs do not feel equal to the challenge, but they rise to the occasion. You do what you have to do. One of my children was born with a cleft palate which required multiple surgeries and speech therapy but thank God was a correctable condition. When he was first born, we were told he might have a number of other problems that are often associated with the genetic condition that caused his cleft palate. Mercifully, after making the round of all the specialists, we learned that he just had the palate problem, but we saw lots of other families dealing with very challenging situations. I am grateful my son was spared those difficulties and has grown up fine. But I like to think I would have dealt with whatever I had to do for the sake of my son.

As I watch my kids approach adulthood, I have to think that much harder than having a child with special needs would be having a child grow up to be an evil person. Serial killers, rapists, murderers...I bet their mothers didn't raise them to be those things! Becoming a parent is an incredible gamble.

Answer 6

Raising a normal and healthy child can be challenging enough. Add special needs on top of that and of course it would be difficult if not downright overwhelming at times. But there are programs out there to help these families get the support they need. Social services can hook the family up with help in all sorts of ways so don't give up hope.

Answer 7

I don't think that I would be able to. Some people just can't deal with those sorts of situations as well as some others would. I know that that was one of the scariest things about being pregnant. I just didn't think I would be able to handle a "special needs" child. I got lucky with a very bright son. My sister, however, would be able to handle that sort of situation and even wants to be a foster parent to "special needs" children. I have a lot of respect for her because of that.

Answer 8

it would be challenging in every way possible but it can be done...
if you dont have a child you could never ever ever imagine the love that exists between a mother and child...
god never gives us more than we can handle and it only makes us stronger
it would be a hard decision to make if you knew there was a problem at pregnancy but sometimes people are willing to accept what god gives them... this is life... i commend anyone who has a child with special needs... it does not matter what the child is like they will always know you love them and will respond to your love in whichever way... that is all we want as a mother... for our children to know that they are loved

Answer 9

Yes it is tough. But we don't get a choice in such things. Rest assured the odds are with you to have a healthy child. It is amazing what you can do when you have to. My son has cp.. not severe. I don't know how I would handle it if he was really bad. By the way forget about that social services help. They are not what they seem. Example: March of Dimes only bothers themself with fund raising and putting out brochures telling pregnant woman to not smoke while pregnant. (I never smoked)

Answer 10

You don't know your own abilities until they are tested. When we first read about our daughter in her state files I was scared. My husband convinced me that she was worth a try. She has ADHD - severly impulsive and confrontational. I really didn't think I could handle her. Well, it took some time getting to know her and learning which buttons not to push (while not letting her push ours). And you know what? She a great kid (well, most of the time). But I also surprised myself. I didn't think I could handle her and I do - not as well as I should but I do the best that I can and that isn't too bad.
It is tough to handle a special needs kid and I do not think you are selfish. I just think that you do not have the confidence that you will be able to care for one - you won't know until you are tested. Most of us do pass that test.
I do hope you never need to know for sure.