Teens and drinking?

Question

I caught my 15 & 16 year olds sneaking my wine last weekend, after I went to sleep. I was super mad, but my husband said it was age appropriate and said I shouldn't overreact. What do you guys think? WHat is an appropriate consequence? Good kids, athletes and good grades! So any ideas?

Answer 1

My boys are 15 and 18. While my 15 year old is completely anti-drinking, my 18 year old isn't. When he was about that age he wanted to try a beer. Like your husband, mine didn't see anything wrong with it, and like you, I was mortified. In hind sight, I'm glad I listened to my husband. Throughout the rest of High School, my son would go to parties and wouldn't do all of the crazy things the other kids were doing.

My husband told my son that if wanted to have a beer every once in a while it would be ok as long as it was done with his permission and in his presences. Because it wasn't taboo and we had an open line of communication, it never became a problem.

Answer 2

At that age, they're trying to do the "cool thing". The truth is, punishment may put the drinking off for a couple years if that, but if they're want to do it, they'll find a way. All you can do is discuss with them your disappointment because believe it or not, that stings a little more than being grounded. I grew up with pretty strict parents so there was no way I could get away with it, but when I moved away for college, I did everything they told me not to because of the tight grip they had on me. So tying them up and locking them away is not going to make the situation any better. All you can do is watch them closely and when they say they're going somewhere to check and make sure that's where they're going to be. Never act as if you don't care that they're drinking though, because that may lead to more drinking in the future and turn into an alcohol problem. Stress how much you'd be disappointed if you saw they're futures go down the drain. Most teens figure out for themselves that it's a waste of time, some take longer than others. I realized it very soon after getting myself into the same situation. I realized that nothing is worth risking my future and I don't want to disappoint my parents who expect me to have a great future and life.

Answer 3

If it were me, I'd address it. What would happen if they snuck some wine and even though your husband said don't worry about it, they jumped into a car and - God forbid - got into an accident or jail?

What seems to have worked in my family is that my parents sat me down and said that they can't keep an eye on me 24/7, that they trust me to make the right decisions, and that if I ever need help that I can call them (even if its 2:00 am and I don't want to pile into a car with drunk teenagers).

As for the consequence, I would go with maybe additional chores, or something in the "slap on the wrist" variety. You mentioned they are good kids in general, so I don't think a terribly harsh punishment would be productive. Maybe just reminding them that they could be kicked off their sports teams if they are caught is a good route to go too.

Answer 4

I'm not a parent, but it is age appropriate behavior. Just making a big deal out of it will only make their interest in it greater.

I'm not saying you should drink with your kids or anything. Maybe you could sit down and tell them that alcohol is for older people and that alcohol can be dangerous. They are just curious now, but in a few years there will be peer pressure and other kids drinking.

I'm not really sure you can prevent them from trying alcohol until they are 21, but at least tell them dangers with it and how it should be used responsibly.

When I was that age, I almost killed myself because I didn't know how much I could drink safely. Would have been nice to know the risks.

Answer 5

If they are good kids, with good grades and good heads on thier shoulders, a little wine at home wouldn't be a bad thing at 15 and 16. I'd think it was better that they were doing it at home and not sneaking around and drinking and driving.

As long as there's an environment where open discussion about drinking can take place, it shouldn't be that big of a deal if you can talk to them afterward about it.

Answer 6

Want to know my take on it, I'm only 20, but this is what I think...I feel like I'd be more comfortable offering my kids drinks, where I can control what they are taking and how much they are drinking. I would know where they are too, and they would be more open with you if they knew that you were okay with it. I would rather them be at my house drinking rather then at some party, and in my opinion I think its a lot better then drugs. If you get mad at them and tell them not to drink yet, you'll probably see them rebel and get worse, hiding other things from you and getting into more trouble. I started drinking when I was in grade 9. My Mom let me and my friends drink at my place, never getting too out of hand, and she only let my friends drink when she was able to talk with their parents to let them know and to double check that it was okay. If it wasn't, they couldn't hang while we were....parents rule. I liked the way that it all worked out, and I felt more comfortable to talk with my Mom now about anything
Hope that helps a little

Answer 7

You should come down hard on them. This is the age in which young boys become men and the stupid mistakes they make now in sneaking out could effect the rest of their lives. Come down hard but have an open and VERY frank talk about this kinda stuff. Tell them how teen sex can get them killed or child support payments and drinking can end them up in jail or wrapped around a tree. Be as honest and open with them as you would with your bother or sister that was making the same mistakes.

Answer 8

it might be an age appropriate activity BUT don't tell them!
over-react is ok because you need to add some drama to the situation to help impress upon them that is underage drinking. our sneak-the-liquor happened at someone else's home so the teen was banned from spending the night over there.appropriate consequence...bonding time with parental units a.k.a grounded for a weekend.

Answer 9

They all do it but it doesn't make it right. I rarely attend an AA meeting where someone doesn't mention starting out that way. Not that they will become alcoholics but it is scary. It is NOT age appropriate, it is illegal. Good luck, I really don't know what to tell you. My two older kids told me all kinds of stuff they'd done as teens that I didn't know they were doing cuz they never got caught. They are NOT alcoholics. Good luck. God Bless.

Answer 10

Your husband probably do right thing.

The main reason kids are so into drugs is because parents consider it a taboo and keep tell them it's bad. However if you shrug it off and hide all alchol then they will probably lose all interest because they can't impress you at all.