Married for 37 years and four months to date and what is this grief that I have gone in?

Question

My wife lost her nighteen year fight with Breast Cancer and the way she was treated in the last months is the part that hurts the most.

Answer 1

It sounds like you deeply loved your wife. Your grief is natural for
such a loss, and it will take a while to accept...although her
memory will always be with you. In most places they have
support groups for people who have lost their spouses
(example)http://www.supportworks.org/cat758.htm
Others who have been through similar experiences might be
helpful to you.

Answer 2

Hi,
I am really sorry to hear about your wife. I also feel sorry that that the same as to what you are goingthrough is going to happen very soon to my lovely wife of 20 years and my two teenaged sons. I really fought hard and felt I had won my war against cancer but the tides have turned again and it seems that it was just the battle I had won and not the war. The cancer has won and my time is limited to another few months. However, I still go to work but now spend a lot of quality time with my wife and kids. It does not seem real to them but I am dreading the time when it comes - not for me but for them. I have fought enough and have lived a beautiful life and have no regrets about anything wrong or right I may have done in my 48 years. I have lived life the way I wanted to and am not scared of what is to come. The clock cannot be reversed - so its best to just accept things as they are and move on. I know its easy for one to say that but I have been talking to my wife and sons and keping them updated so that when the time comes they are prepared for it.
I realy dont know if I made any sense - but what i really want to say is there is no point mourning over someone you have loved has left you. That person has gone to a better place and is watching over you. Look at it from that point of view.

Answer 3

Wow , you had 37 year and 4 months marriage. that is something to be very proud of it don't happen much these days.
Sorry for your loss of your wife to cancer.. and i don't know what you mean by how she was treated her last months . She has gone to a better place now.. and she no longer feels pain.. that is something to be greatful for.. As for your grief.. it take a while to get through but the pain does lesson.. I lost my dad10 years ago and it still hurts and i still break down in tears.some days so it does lesson the pain and you will get through this.. If you have good friends and family just remember that they are all there to help you through this . and they are grieving too and don't know what to say to you.. so be easy on them . you need time to your self.. but get back to doing what you would normally do that is what your wife would want you to do.. live your life.. you will never forget her or the happiness that you had together so look back on it often and smile.. it helps.
In your alone time you can still talk to her I believe that they hear you and if you are very sinsitive person you will feel them around you.. but they are close by watching over you and waiting for you on the other side.
I know this might sound like a bunch of hooey to you but I think it is true. I talk to my dad about every morning. and i know he is with me.. that is what keeps me going..
Make sure you take your time to grieve your loss then start living your life again.. good luck to you sir..

Answer 4

The last months of terminal cancer are very hard to manage. I believe that some people choose aggressive, radical treatments in the hope of a few extra months, and some people accept fate and deny treatment to enjoy the final months.

This is a hard decision to make and I'm sure you and your wife tried what you thought was best. I am sorry to hear that you were not happy with her final months, this is a common thing to hear and is a great shame.

I have not experienced the same grief as you, but would like to offer you and idea that may or may not help you. My mother works in aged care and she takes great joy in helping people die with dignity and comfort. Would it help you to help other people who are going through a similar grief to have a better experience than you and your wife?

I hope that you come to terms with your grief soon and find a way to live the life that I'm sure she would wish for you.

Best wishes.

Answer 5

I am so sorry for your loss.You really don't say what happened in the last months.Even though I did not know her, you said that she lost her fight of 19 yrs, if she fought for 19 yrs, she had to have been a really tough girl, and I dought that she would want you dwelling on the last few months of her life, and what was the worst part. But you should celebrate the rest of her life, the joy, love and beauty that she brought to you for 37 yrs. I know that it is not an easy thing to do, but if she was that much of a fighter I am sure that she would expect no less from you.
My guys have already been told that I expect them to go on fighting, well actually I told them singing and laughing!
I don't have cancer, mine is my ticker.
Be strong, and remember her heart not her hurt.

Answer 6

I am very sorry for your loss. Rest assured that she does not have to suffer anymore and that is very conforting. She is now looking over you from above and grateful for all the time you spent taking care of her. You should "feel" her presence and be happy with her and to let your grief or guilt (if any) go. A good memory is the best way to handle your life now!! In cancer, at time, the therapy can be worse than the disease! Best wishes and God bless!!

Answer 7

I can't imagine the pain and devastation you are going through. All I can say is that I would give up everything to be with someone who loved me for 37 years. You were truly blessed. Tonight I'm sitting at home crying because I got dumped by someone who was incapable of caring about anyone but herself. Could I be anymore pathetic?

Answer 8

Sorry to hear about your loss. :(
I too lost someone to cancer who was not treated well in her last months.
You should try to find a therapist who specializes in grief. It helps to talk about it.

Answer 9

I'm sorry I wish I had talked to you 9 months ago

God Bless