so happy. I love children my husband was very happy also. Four days later I miscarried my baby. My question is how long do you feel this empty and sad? I am not ignoring my girls they get alot of attenttion. But I just dont like feeling so damn sad. Please dont tell me other people can not even have children, I feel bad for them. This does not fix my sadness. If you have some good advice please send it. Thank you.
2006-08-16 12:39:16 · 12 answers · asked by mary m 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
Miscarriages happen for good reasons. More than likely, something was wrong with the baby.
Your chances for having a baby with birth defects, is severely high at your age. Chromosomal defects, especially Downs, increases in chance drastically when a woman hits the age of 35. Yes, women have been noted to give birth in their 50's and even later, without complications. But - these women hit the news, because it is a rare thing to not only have a baby at so old of an age, but to have one so old without defects. Your girls would not want to take care of a Downs person after you are gone, or too old to care for a person like that. Be relieved, that you won't have to. And that they don't either.
Be glad for the children that you have. God only gives you what you can handle. And just remember, what is - is what was really meant to be. I'm not stating this to be rude, just matter of fact.
You should find a psychologist to talk to. Your OB should have recommended you to someone who specializes in these sort of things. It is normal to grieve over loss.
2006-08-16 16:21:49 · answer #1 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry for your loss. I am at 16 weeks and I am also 38 years old. At 7 weeks my Dr said that my baby was too small and I would probably lose it and I was devastated. It turns out his measurements were wrong and things are now going well.....but until I knew I was a wreck. I do see a genetic specialist due to the fact that I am over 35 and overweight....maybe an appointment and some blood work will help you find out if there is anything you can do to prevent it from happening again. I know it's a rough time for you but all the documentation states that if you miscarry it's usually for a reason.......I believe that if it was meant to be then it will happen. Do what you can to get healthy and start taking prenatal vitamins now and try again. Mourn your loss, but dontt let it stop you from trying again. go get a book called Taking Charge of your fertility by Toni Weschler. It will help you understand your body and all the myths about it. It will help you time when you are ovulating and the best times to conceive. My Doctor recommended it to me and after 1 year of trying I got the book. It worked the very next month. It turns out that my timing was wrong due to mis-information. I hope it helps you, too! It's not only about getting pregnant. It's about knowing your body and knowing when you are fertile or not. You can pick and choose what you do with your info. Good luck and don't listen the all the myths!
2006-08-16 14:58:50 · answer #2 · answered by jachooz 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The sadness goes away after awhile,but you never really forget.I knew my baby's due date and for about 5 years I would try to guess what he would put on his Santa list and even 12 years on some Christmas's l still wonder.Even since then l have had 2 more children,and l suppose that's how l cope,because the chances are if l had not lost the baby,l probably wouldn't have my 2 wonderful children l have now (l have 3 altogether).I hope you feel alot better soon.take care.
2006-08-16 12:59:45 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry for your loss. It's never easy losing a child, even if you just found out you were pregnant. It's a bond you create almost instantly. Everyone is different in how long they feel sad and empty. For me it was weeks after I lost my daughter (infant loss at 24 weeks), it gets better with time, but you always remember just the same.
I have never suffered a miscarriage, but my mom did and her first was before my oldest brother and her 2nd was right before me. I was sort of a surprise baby, my brothers were 12, 10 and 7 when I was born. My mom just knew she was to have another baby after her 2nd miscarriage. Shortly after I was conceived.
Take time to grieve your loss, it's a loss that only you and your family really knows how to grieve. Cry, be angry and remember your joy at finding out about the baby. Hug your girls and let them know you love them and are grateful for them everyday.
Best wishes if you plan to get pregnant again. Your a great mom to 4 children, don't let anyone tell you any different.
God Bless
2006-08-16 12:51:15 · answer #4 · answered by Ericka K 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
a lot of people feel sad for a long time...i would be very sad if i miscarried cuz u know that there was sumone inside of u that u had connected with from the the first thought of u knowin u was pregnant and it was just like they was already here....its like death except it wasn't in a human like form like everybody else...it might take some time to get over cuz its not an easy process...i hope u are ok...i am so sorry to hear that
2006-08-16 13:20:21 · answer #5 · answered by sexielyse0604 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry for your loss. All I can say is allow yourself the chance to grieve for this baby. It is a death and you should allow yourself the time to deal with this as you would any other death in the family. It always upsets me that when you have a miscarriage it isn't viewed as the same degree of loss. Hang in there!
2006-08-19 03:19:24 · answer #6 · answered by confused by court order 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its feels empty and sad for a few months.
There are grief support groups at alot of hospitals for couples who have miscarried or had a still birth.
I am so sorry for your loss...
2006-08-16 12:46:15 · answer #7 · answered by Lisa the Pooh 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this has never happened to me and i am sorry for your loss....i am sure its very hard but look at it this way, god took that baby for a reason, maybe the baby wasnt going to be healthy so god decided to keep it.....you have seem like you have a great family and some nice girls so be happy for what you do have and some day when its your time to go, you can go rock your baby up there waiting for you...im soooo sorry for your loss
2006-08-16 12:48:30 · answer #8 · answered by dani may 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My advise: let yourself greive as long as you need to. Don't put a time limit on it. Find people who are OK with you talking to them about it--even if it has been a few weeks or months. It is normal and expected to be sad.
2006-08-18 18:37:58 · answer #9 · answered by Sylvia M 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh, I'm so sorry for your loss.
I think that only time can restore your happiness. Remember, it's a member of your family who has died, so allow yourself to grieve properly, perhaps talk to a grief counsellor, or one who specializes in coping with your kind of loss.
I do hope that you feel happy again soon.
2006-08-16 13:55:01 · answer #10 · answered by ♥Pamela♥ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋