How do I go on?

Question

I just ended a 7 year relationship. We have 2 kids together adn I had 2 before, so I have 4 total. He lied, cheated, gambled, lost his job and is losing the house. I have no job, no money no friends or family. How am I supposed to take care of my kids now? All I want to do is get drunk and drive into the river. I have no clue what to do. If I don't get some help quick, I fear it's all over for me and my kids too.

Answer 1

OK first stop it and breathe - things will work out - you can't see that right now but they will ok so breathe. Things is life happen as they should so don't panic - trust your journey and breathe. It is important that you calm down.

Don't do that. Don't harm yourself or your kids. If it ended, it ended for a reason. He will have to give you money for the kids - you can go to court and get a judgement against him- he will have to work sooner or later. As for now, go to social services in your area. You can get money for food and rent every month and other assistance for heat, etc. So - first thing tomorrow find out where to go (look in yellow or white pages or call information and find out where social services is for your county) If you have no earnings/assets, you will qualify. Second, get a hold of a church adn ask them for help or seek a shelter. You are somewhere now with a computer so you must have had money at some point - I don't know where you are staying now but can you stay there til you get some money - can you talk to your landlord? Is it his house or yours that you are losing and can you do anything not to lose it??

Try to get a part time or full time job at a daycare center and see if they will let your kids stay there with you if they are young.

You will be ok - your kids will be ok. You are a strong woman and will survive this. Just relax. Don't get drunk around your kids. You want to be a role model to them and show them how to be strong and how to get through this - that they don't need a man to make it in life. That they can do it by themselves if need be. There are tons of single women moms out there who get by - and who have great lives and provide for their families - you don't need him.

I know it is hard right now but call around for the services and/or church. If shelter is a problem ask them about that too. You need to get some income coming in though so you will have to try to work or go to social services until you can find a job and then get off of it - but you CAN do this- you can make it and you can give them a great life. Don't even talk like that - you are depressed and hurting but don't make any rash decisions - not now - not yet.

You HAVE to call social services or a local church - do you have anyone you can talk to ?? Even a friend that you haven't talked to in a while? Just reach out to someone - a neighbor, a cousin - there must be someone you can call sweetie.

Calm down and breathe - try to relax. Don't HARM your kids or yourself - that is the easy way out - don't do it. Call someone now and first thing in the morning. I don't know your kids ages but maybe they can work and help with the income now - there are too many details I don't know to really try to tell you what to do but I do know that all states have social services and if he was providing for you and now he's gone - you have to go down there and fill out a rush app for help - tomorrow morning. They will give you extra money per kid for food and housing and stuff so go.

You don't have the right to hurt your kids like this - losing him is enough so you can't leave them too - don't!! Be a strong woman - an example by action. Don't be weak and give up - don't let your kids see you get beat by this - this is a struggle but you can make it through this and get to better days - maybe he will come back and you can work things out if he gets help for his addiction (for some reason I think he has one maybe including alcohol or drugs - obviously gambling and lying too)

Call social services, tell your kids that you love them and it will be ok. What about your ex - the other 2 kids' father or his family - can you call them - can they stay with him for now? Does the guy who just left have a family that can help you out?? Make calls and don't cry in front of them - don't get them down - they have suffered through this too I am sure - the fighting and all of his lies - don't do this to them - don't do it please.

Call for help - hug your kids and tell them over and over again that you will do WHATEVER it takes to make it - to give them a good life - tell them it will be ok - that they are loved NO MATTER what - that is what they should hear from you - not this - not that you can't make it without a man - no. Not that ever. You are a strong woman you can do this - all by yourself for now - you can. Call the dad's families and see if they can help watch the kidsor something or give you money for them until you can find a job or get assistance.

You are in my prayers~ good luck.

Answer 2

Get shelter 1st. Don't waste time. Some good examples posted previously. Homeless shelter anything. Don't waste time on materialistic items, with no family or friend support pack the kids and some clothes, pack the car if you have one but get on the move.

The depression is real, it hurts. But until you get your kids covered there is nothing you can do about yourself. Before you get your stuff together... make sure on a piece of paper you get your mans SS#. Gonna need that to file paperwork with the authorities when your kids get settled. When you get your chance... suffocate him with paperwork and do not let him breathe... Make him eat paper until he pays you back or he's in jail. And... "FOLLOWTHRU" on this personal promise to yourself. Your drink and your drive down the river will feel much better this way.

I've seen this done by women with 5 kids. The follow through is the tough part. But must be done. Also... sorry to say it.. but stay away from men until you get mental help or just focus on your kids until they are adults. Your track record is not good with men and this will only happen again until you can get professional help.

Certainly this is all easy for me to say, while not be in your situation, I only hope god sheds a little light your way soon. Good luck.

Answer 3

Whoa! Hold your horses! You have children to think about.I know that you feel helpless right now,but just try to calm down and come up with a plan.First go to your local DHS and apply for assistance.They will help with daycare costs,food and after school care,and even provide you with job training..Then go find a job.You don't have time to be picky(your children are depending on you)they have learned that their father doesn't care and they need to feel that they can rely on you.Take whatever job you can get right now( some money is better than no money)Just do it until you can do better.You will find friends when you find work.Just take a deep breath and try to think clearly.You CAN do it if you just put your mind to it and refuse to let you or circumstances rob you of your life.If you can't live for yourself,live for your kids.It will take eating some humble pie for a little while,but that is such a small price to pay to regain your independence.Sometimes we are knocked down because we took being up for granted.It's just GOD's way of reminding us how blessed we really are and that things could always be worse.Even when we feel they can't.Take this time in your life to strengthen yourself.You will be so much more grateful when you are back on top and can one day help someone else who has fallen,

Answer 4

You need to call a hospital or something. I have a little experience in the suicide department. If you are planning this you need to tell someone who can help you. You also have no right to hurt your kids. If you want to hurt them, give them to me. Anyone. You are not the first person that this has happened to. There is welfare. This is what it is for. People who need it. There are food stamps, government housing, cash assistance, etc... It is there. They might be able to get you child care so you can find a part time job or something. See a welfare caseworker for all that stuff. I promise you that if you stay strong this too will pass. I wish you guys all the best.

Answer 5

don't ever lose hope. things could have been wrose. you could have had 5 other kids with many different problems. it's normal too feel that way after such a long relationship. but get yourself together and focus on your life. try not to think about the past relashionship and only think of your life now and how you can make it better. Get a job , it'll help you forget the past and pay your bills.

Good luck!

ps. show some love to your kids even if you're too busy getting things together

Answer 6

First of all, the only way you are going to cope right now is one day at a time. Count your blessings, not your mistakes. You are so fortunate to have your kids, you don't even know. I'd look for programs that teach skills so you can get a job to help support yourself. Don't give in too that urge, it would not only end your life but haunt your children and everyone else that loves you. Pray for guidance and to lift your spirits and remember - people do care about you.

Answer 7

You should really seek professional help and that is something you will only find in your real sourroundings - not in the web. Either call a friend, or see a psychological service or go to a church that you trust. But don't give up!!!!!!!!! Bad things happen but the sun always rises the next day and it may take a while but you will find someone who really deserves you and you will be happy that you stayed around to be with that person and to watch your kids grow up.

Answer 8

Seek counciling for yourself. You are lucky to have a chance to start over with your children. I was in a bad marriage, it ended the 3rd time he cheated and the state said that if I didn't get him out of the house, they would take my daughter. I am alot better now for being without him. I raised her to adulthood and am looking forward to starting a life on my own. One day, You might be strong because he might see you are doing good, and try to comeback. He will play you like this as long as he can(my ex tried for 10 years before he married somone else). Take care of yourself and your children now. Do good things for yourself:)

Answer 9

There is always hope...don't give up! You have to stop thinking about yourself now and think about those kids. You have to work and support those children. I worked 2 and 3 jobs at once to raise my 3 children alone. I am a strong independent women today. My kids are in their early twenties and take care of themselves now. It was all worth it. You will learn many things. Pray...ask God for help and strength...wisdom to make the right decisions. He is just waiting...He is ready and willing to help. He helped me. We never went without food or shelter. Trust me...what doesn't kill us, makes us strong! YOU CAN DO IT!

Answer 10

Then get the help, Honey. There are counsellors for this sort of thing.

Now, my mother snatched my brother and me out of a BAD situation with my sire. We escaped with the clothes on our backs and very little else.

First, get good advice from someone who can take a first-hand look at what you're dealing with.

Next, try to get a job. You'll need income of some sort that does NOT depend on him.

Look at the expenses you have to deal with, then figure out how you're going to do it.

Rebuild. There is nothing else.

Good luck.