Is this correct Etiquette?

Question

My best friend and I just got and invitation to a house warming party for one of her co-workers at work. On the invitation is a list of things she wants in each of her rooms based on the themes, the size sheets needed for her bed and her daughters beds, what bed sizes she needs for example: Twin and Queen Size, the color she wants for her walls etc... and she's asking people to give her these things. It's a BYOB (Bring your own beer) and BMS (bring me stuff). With the job she has she can afford this things herself.

Is this correct etiquette or not? I think it's pretty tacky. And this isn't the first time she or any of her others freinds have done this.

What's your opinion?

Thanks for you answers. I'm glad others out there were raised right. It seems nowadays people throw etiquette out the door and become very BOLD.

We decided we are not going to a party that focuses more on the items we bring rather than our company as so called friends.

Answer 1

I think it's REALLY tacky AND it's NOT proper etiquette!!

Perhaps you should direct your co-worker to this website that actually explains proper etiquette for a house warming party ... minimally, SHE should be providing food and drinks for everyone: http://rebecca576.tripod.com/etiquettebyrebecca/id60.html

Answer 2

That's pretty awful.

The concept is interesting. If your group of acquaintances are accustomed to serious house warming gifts, I can sort of see that she's trying to put people's money to good use. After all, if people are left to their own devices you end up with stuff you don't like, don't want, and can't use.

Still, it doesn't seem right. Quite tacky. Would you feel better about this situation if she registered somewhere? I could see it working better that way. You call her to RSVP and ask "is there anything you need in your new place" and she responds with a comment that she's registered at Target... ?

If it's BMS, she should be providing the beer. If it was me and I decided to go, I would get something nice and boring like a plant or something you personally feel comfortable giving.

Answer 3

1. WRONG!

2. A house-warming party is to celebrate a new home, or apartment.

3. You are invited to enjoy the new dwelling & socialize, not finance the party.

4. This is just a tad 'too' intimate a request for a relationship that is with a co-worker.

5. My honest opinion is to skip the party, but give her a card from the two of you simply stating 'Congratulations' — no money.

6. What unmitigating nerve this woman has.

7. Next she'll be asking the office to finance a patio in her backyard. Now's your big opportunity to not get sucked into future invites.

Answer 4

It sounds like this woman isn't your friend or you'd have a good idea what she needs or would like without her having to give you a detailed list. I don't know though. I'm one of those reserved sorts who feel guilty and a little eeked out for posting Amazon.Com wishlists at a relative's request, so yes, I think it's quite tacky. People move all the time and they don't give their coworkers lists of new things they want nor do they expect others to fill their home with nice new things. They sure can wish though....

I've got to ask: is she young, single and newly employed, just getting out of a really bad situation? Coz then take pity, maybe it's the custom or someone told her she could do that.

It really depends how much you love her and can forgive this, if it's "correct." If you can live with her being miffed or hurt, then don't go to her party.

Answer 5

Very tacky. If someone invited were to ask the hosts what they needed/wanted in particular, colors, etc., then it's perfectly o.k. for the hosts to answer the question. However, to send out invitations stating what you want people to give you is just downright rude. It's right up there with money only wedding and baby showers. It's up to the guests to bring a gift of their choosing.

Answer 6

It sounds pretty tacky. While house-warming parties started as family and friends bringing food and items to help the person out as they start with nothing. If they have a lot of stuff, they don't need to be begging for it. When we had our housewarming party, we didn't have a list, and we supplied food. People gave us money or small gifts, because we already had our house put together and everything.

Answer 7

I'm with you. Tacky tacky tacky.
Having a "Come See My New Place" party is acceptable, but even then it should not be a BYOB theme. I'm totally against people throwing themselves parties that request gifts. (With the exception of children's birthday parties, family birthday parties, etc. But never a it's my birthday party so bring me gifts.... though a come celebrate with me with no gifts is quite cool.... )
You get my drift.

Answer 8

I think it is very tacky! It's like she is trying to have a housewarming party, but freeload at the same time. That is sooo wrong. I wouldn't go. Then I would send her an invite to dinner and make her pay!! lol

Answer 9

She sounds like a single parent?You mention her and kids but not a husband.
She should be having an open house to welcome her friends to see her new place.
This sounds terribly tacky if she can actually afford to furnish the house herself;however,a housewarming party is usually for first time homeowners as a way to furnish the house.
"back in the day"
I would say if you don't like the idea of it don't go.
I don't think I would go.

Answer 10

Darn right it is tacky!!!!!!! You never list on a invitation what you want. Can you imagine receiving a wedding invitation with a list attached. It should be up to the individual if they want to arrive with something. Myself I wouldn't even waste my time in going.

Answer 11

Very tacky...almost as tacky as asking for cash for a wedding gift..Housewarming is to get people together to see your new place, not to expect gifts. If they bring them, then great but that is tacky, I do not think I would go.