I have a very sweet 7 yr old son. He usually gets along well with other kids but he is a little bit quiet. I noticed that most of the boys his age are much bigger, much more aggressive, and he sometimes gets picked on. I don't think that there's ever anything very severe but he gets hurt very easily and the other boys see this so they pick on him even more. How can I help him to be able to stand up for himself. When boys have pushed him etc. I tell him he should push them back but he says he doesn't want to hurt anybody. He's a very loving child. I just don't want him to be a target. I can't confront parents everytime a little boy says a mean word to him or looks at him the wrong way but I need to teach him to stand up for himself. Any suggestions? He does play sports and that helps his confidence a little but need some more help.
2006-08-16 09:48:59 · 28 answers · asked by coconut 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
He plays basketball and soccer. To small for football. Also my husband will not allow him to do martial arts....don't ask....i've fought that but he's won...so no martial arts.
2006-08-16 10:08:37 · update #1
I haven't had any kids but I was picked on at school. i think I was just overly sensitive and took things personally, so maybe sit him down and explain to him to laugh along with the rest of the kids - because bullies will always look for the kid that responds to being picked on. If your child laughs it off, it will make him more confident also, and seem less of a victim. I really hope he can brush off the bullies in this way, he is at a great age to make him understand this now, instead of later. He is lucky to have such a caring Mum!
2006-08-16 10:00:42 · answer #1 · answered by favershambles 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Aside from being loving (or weak), your child may not defend himself because his mind is preoccupied with other things. I used to be a bully and part of the reason I would strike someone was to illicit a reaction, usually one that acknowledges that I was stronger (i.e. pain). When there was none, usually because they didn't care, I would move on. Tell your child to not pay them any attention and rather, pay attention to what he likes to do. Tell him to also find others who share his interests. Teaching him about what will happen later on, i.e. becoming a doormat if he doesn't fight back, is futile since your child at that age has no concept of the future and does not give him much of an option since making him fight against kids much bigger than he is (and most likely losing) will further decrease his confidence. If you truly feel pressed to make your child defend himself, then enroll him in a martial arts class: most preferably muay thai; try to avoid karate as that is more about looking like you know how to fight than actually having the ability. Otherwise, foster your child's interests as that will give him an alternative view/outlet of what else is around him.
2006-08-16 18:13:29 · answer #2 · answered by Oly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Martial Arts. My son took Taekwondo starting at about 5 yrs old. He did'nt stay with it for more than a year or so. I wished he could have. Later, in High School he shared a story about a kid who kept picking on him and one day he just cut loose on this guy and really surprised everyone. My Dad offered to put me in a Judo class when I was about 13 but I declined. I often wish I'd taken him up on it.
The good thing is they don't teach you to go looking for trouble or to flaunt it but when the time comes.....natural reflexes take over. It's not an instant solution but in the long run it can mean alot.
2006-08-16 17:13:19 · answer #3 · answered by Gregg J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop coddling him and let make him go out for sports. Have him play little league baseball or basketball or football. Let him develop himself out on the field instead of being stuck on the sidelines every day. It's great that he's a loving kid, but make sure that he develops fully as a guy. Don't be afraid of him getting hurt because that's all part of growing up. Let him make mistakes so he can learn how to deal with them when he's older.
2006-08-16 16:54:42 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Man that is hard to answer. I should know about this, since I was that 7 yr. old 25 years ago. I don't know how I got over it, it's a very tactical game that you must play. You need to find a way to make key freinds, I used the fact that I was smarter than most of the larger kids. So they would cheat off of my tests and then protect me from bullies. As you get older you learn to let it go more. It's hard.
2006-08-16 16:57:12 · answer #5 · answered by xphile2015 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Isn't this a Dad thing? I mean, don't men know what they did to stand up for themselves when they were boys? I think Moms should stay out of this kind of thing. Moms just make these issues worse, because then the boy is a "Sissy Mommy's Boy" to the other boys. Maybe that's why your son keeps getting hit.
If he has no dad in the picture, find a trusted man to help him. Any advice from you will not be heeded, because you are a woman, and have no idea.
No offense, but I have 4 brothers and 3 boys of my own, so I know.
And don't even listen to superlawyerdude, he's an idiot!
2006-08-16 16:57:17 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
You have just described my 7 year old son, too bad they can't know each other!! I don't really have an answer, I just tell him to be strong and brave and remember there are alot of people who love him and will listen if he needs to talk. I try to boost his confidence by acting out situations with him that happened at school. Like I pretend to be a mean kid or let him be a mean kid and act out how I would handle it. It seems to help. Good luck.
2006-08-16 16:57:00 · answer #7 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1) quit being his mother if he falls and scraps himself put a band-aid on it pat him on the back and send him right back out. If he is crying tell him he is not dieing shut up. You need to get tough with him.
2) martial arts classes will teach him to fight. You need to teach him when fighting is OK and he will not get in to trouble with mom.
3) dance classes sounds silly but it is a real confident booster. He may even enjoy it, it even teaches socialization skills for later in life.
4) If dad is not around get him in the big brother program. This will teach him how real men act.
Please note this is only if dad is not in the picture. Other wise get dad involved make dad do these things with him.
2006-08-16 17:19:15 · answer #8 · answered by big T 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Tell him to be a man! I a loving person to and I don't see who wants to harm that. Get some workout machines and make him workout, after a while of that, tell him to not let anyone push him around and to tell them to go away, and if they don't, give them a warning like a good kick or punch in the shin/stomach to tell them to leave him alone.
2006-08-16 17:01:38 · answer #9 · answered by TheTallGuy55 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
martial arts a good instructor can teach him to defend himself without having to hurt anybody but shop around and explain your sons situation to the instructors to find the right person for training a quality instructor will kick a kid out of his dojo if he finds him fighting in school
2006-08-16 16:57:31 · answer #10 · answered by qpistol 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋