Here is the situation, I am getting married in January and the problem is that my family and my fiance's family are total opposites. My family is reserved they do not drink and they are Baptist and my fiance's family are Catholic and they like to have a good time and drink and party. I want a small wedding with only immediate family but being from different religious backgrounds I am not sure how to do the ceremony. Also, I don't know what to do about the reception. I know his family will bring lots of alcohol and I don't want my family to feel out of place and leave. Any suggestions?
2006-08-16 09:27:22 · 12 answers · asked by Concerned 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
For the ceremony, have you spoken to an officiant yet? Will it be a Catholic ceremony or Baptist? They will help you develop the ceremony.
As for alcohol, many venues won't allow people to bring in their own alcohol, so that may nip that fear of yours in the bud.
Consider serving only lightly alcoholic drinks, like sangria, a punch which is made with 50% wine, and champagne punch, too (non-alcoholic punches as well, obviously). That way people can have a little something if they choose to, but are very unlikely to be drinking a ton of alcohol. It'll all look really festive, and people won't notice that hard alcohol is not being served. You can also expect people to drink less if you have a luncheon reception instead of a dinner one.
You're the hosts. If you don't serve it, they can't drink it!
2006-08-16 12:15:36 · answer #1 · answered by Etiquette Gal 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Instead of having a church ceremony, you can have everything at a reception hall. As for the alcohol, I understand what you are saying. My mother's family is devout Baptist which isn't a bad thing but they don't drink and they comment when anyone drink's. My dad's family is Anglican and my grandfather made homemade wine when he was alive so we had one side of non-drinkers and one side who, although they do not drink to excess, do drink. I would keep the eating part of the reception as dry and then once the dance starts, have a cash bar for those who want to drink. My parents had a non-alcoholic punch for toasting and, unfortunately, when the dance started my mom's immediate family left.
Unfortunately, there is no easy medium here and you may have some people leaving early. My aunt and uncle (who were in the bridal party) flat out refused to even drink the non-alcoholic punch and they left early but the thing to remember is people are going to do what they are going to do. You may not be able to prevent this but you can make some changes so that people don't feel blatantly left out. I hope your family is understanding and considerate of the circumstances and that you have a great wedding day.
2006-08-16 14:02:16 · answer #2 · answered by Patricia D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Part of being a christian is accepting and loving others even when they don't make choices you would necessarily approve of. It is your day, and you need to accomodate everyone that will be attending. Don't pick a side at all. If there is alcohol served at the reception then adults will chose for themselves if they are going to drink or not. If others pass judgement on that then they will have to deal with that themselves. Im sure they don't have a problem going to a restaurant that serves alcohol, and I'm sure they're well aware the other side of your family drinks. Perhaps you could discuss it with them and let them know this is the way its going to be ahead of time and they could decide in the mean time what they are going to do. My girlfriend had the exact same situation and so the wedding party rented a hall and had a suprise reception for her (her parents were Baptist) and they ended up finding out and joining us! Hope this helps. Don't stress too much,its supposed to be your happy day. Good luck.
2006-08-16 09:43:41 · answer #3 · answered by paughco 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you aren't planning a church wedding, have a Justice of the Peace perform the ceremony so no one's feelings are hurt (though if your fiance is very Catholic, that may not go over too well).
Lots of people cut out alcoholic beverages for the reception to cut down on cost if they are working with a tight budget and will have champagne on hand for the toast. If that isn't agreeable to your fiance and his family, make sure to provide coffee, tea, sodas, sparkling water or even sparkling grape juice or sparkling apple cider as an alternative to alcohol for the non-drinkers.....and simply ask his family to drink in moderation since you want everyone to get home safely and enjoy the party.
2006-08-16 09:39:13 · answer #4 · answered by Molly M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if your hubby to be is Catholic you are going to have to get married that way unless he agrees not to. But you do not have to convert to Catholic only agree to raise your kids that way. That was the situation with my parents. I am sure that your family deals with people drinking often when they go to resturants and such. You can serve alchol. People expect that. My friends father is a pastor and her whole family does not drink so they had a dry reception. But after the reception the took everyone to another place and had an open bar. That way they didn't have to deal with it at all and it was in two different places. You could think about doing something like that but it calls for a long night for the both of you@!
2006-08-16 10:03:05 · answer #5 · answered by michiganwife 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For the ceremony you can always mix the cultures. I come from a strict Mennonite religion, and my fiance/husband is very liberal. We're making the ceremony a mixture.
For the reception...ask for no alcohol. Just make that clear. Have a rehearsal dinner or an after-party filled with a party atmosphere, but my advice is to make the reception as YOU TWO want it to be done.
2006-08-16 09:44:49 · answer #6 · answered by FaZizzle 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your family love you then they will stay and intake all this fun they are going to see before them....
have a place where everyone gets there own drinks and even if his family is bring their own drinks have someone at the bar serving it... for your family have apple cider and wrap it with a napkin so his family will thing that there drinking the samething inform your partents that you love them very much and you need them there ... please for that one day put your difference aside and do this for you..... just today.....remind them after today you and your husband are one.... and you won't need anyone celebt. 4 you any more....
After today its just you and your husband building a new and happy life......don't worry about a thing....cause every little thing is gonna be alright....
Enjoy
2006-08-19 21:37:46 · answer #7 · answered by lapeachroses 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time for a family meeting with both sets of parents there. Make sure you and your fiance are decided upon what both of you want, then talk to the old folks.
2006-08-17 03:39:50 · answer #8 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Surely religion is about accepting other people, I wouldn't worry about it, you seem to be finding problems before you are even married, are you sure you want to go ahead with this marriage ? There is no problem with your in-laws having a few drinks, as long as they don't try to force your family to do likewise, live and let live.
2006-08-16 20:13:54 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
have your ceremony at a chapel or non-denominational church. have your wedding reception at a banquet hall with a cash bar. i think you're probably worrying to much over it. everyone is there for the same reason, to celebrate your marraige. nobody would do anything to ruin your day, especially someone from your immediate family.
2006-08-16 09:38:49 · answer #10 · answered by sleepygirl 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋