Relationship issue!! help?

Question

The situation that resulted in me losing it on my GF and breaking it off stemmed from me hacking into her myspace account (I know, invasion of privacy another huge no-no). I found what I cam going to call pre-cheating messages. She was going to Vegas soon and was messaging this guy daily (almost half pages) planning to meet up with him. I was very disturbed by this as she was about to move in with me and she knew I planned on asking her to marry me. I also found other very flirtacious messages to random guys. I was infuriated and went off on her but am now wondering If i overracted to this "emotional cheating" she embarked upon on Myspace.

We are in negotioniations "text messaging like each other like mad w/ each others point"

Am I totally screwed, can I trust her?

Answer 1

I am really sorry that she did that to you. You obviously care about her and you do not deserve to be with someone that you can't trust.

Whether she did anything physical or not, she still hid it from you. It is wrong for her to be having an "affair" (if you will) whether it be emotional or physical.

You know in your heart whether you can trust her. These situations only lead to resentment. I know you want to forget all about this and be with her and go back to normal but unfortunately - after this happening you will always have a doubt in the back of your mind. You will never truly trust her. (I'm sorry to be so blunt but I think honesty is the best policy.) Distrust only leads to resentment and this leads to MANY more problems.

I know this isn't what you want to hear but you are most likely better off without her. You deserve to be with someone who you can fully trust withoout ANY doubt.

Another thing I would like to point out is that you seem to feel like this is all your fault. That is how she wants you to feel. She did something wrong - she got caught and turned the tables on you. This is the best sign that she is guilty. Guilty people always turn the tables on the accusor. It's a way of getting the spotlight off of themselves.

Good luck!

Answer 2

The question is, why did u hack into her account in the first place, shows something happened to make you do it, something she said or did, unless you are in the habit of breaking into peoples accounts!So you have to figure out the reason. When did the mistrust germs enter your mind?Even before you hacked, right?
Another point it, sometimes people do strange things on cyber that they wouldnot dare to embark upon in real life. They flirt, and do all sorts of things, inspite of being emotionally committed so to say. Most of the time its harmless. But like you said the messages were long and to the same guy, its kind of unlikely they were harmless!
Did she really plan to go to Las Vegas meet up wit this guy? Or was that a ruse too?.
All said and done, its upto you. A relationship doesnt thrive without trust, not in the long run. If you feel u can trust her totally again, and put this behind you, depending on her reasons/ justifications for her actions, you can give her a second chance. Also depends on the length of your relationship, the time u have been together. If you love her so much and find it in you to forgive & FORGET, well and good.
If not, if this bugs u no end and u will never put it behind u, i suggest you drop the whole thing now, better sooner than later.
Whatever u do, Good luck!

Answer 3

no you obviously cant trust her sad to say...Would you really want a wife that would be flirting with almost every guy or basicly cheating on you? I think that you are better off on finding another girl but dont rush things.Make sure that you find the right one first and then plan on asking her to marry you.Yes, you did get into her myspace account and you invaded her privacy but you only did it because you obviously care about her. The only reason she got mad at you going into her myspace is because she knew that she has been caught cheating. Like whenever my parents check my room for cleaness or get on my computer i let them because i know i have noththing to hide.You need to find an honest women and someone you can really feel like you trust them....Your prolly thinkin that you dont need advice like this from a little kid or something but i do think that coming from me on my oppinion...you had the right to go off like that i wish you the best of luck and hopfully things go okay for you! =-)

Answer 4

mm.. toughie. Thing is while it was as innocent as fun and games when she went down there she probably would've met up with this guy. Flirting can happen online, with guy FRIENDS, in real life, I don't see anything wrong with that- its just being friendly and it strokes the ego, alot of people do it. But- plans to meet up... that is a cheating HEART you are dealing with and when she went down there the only result would've been a date. Maybe it would've never led anywhere. But its the fact that she was willing to explore that option. And if you hadn't have hacked into her MySpace, you wouldn't have known about it because she would've done that on vacation- what happens in vegas, stays in vegas right?
I personally think she has NO RIGHT to be mad about you hacking into her MySpace, obviously you had a reason to. This shows it. She should really be feeling ashamed of her own actions really. But it sounds like she's mad at you for hacking and you're mad at her about her intentions, etc... So, you two need to talk it out- she should by now have explained what the hell she was planning to do down in Vegas with this MySpace boy and why she was chatting him up in the first place and keeping him from you. Thing is, if it was innocent, she would've mentioned it "Oh I messaged someone in Vegas so he could show me around when I get down there" -and if she's naturally outgoing than this might not be that weird of a thing- BUT since it wasn't mentioned it was secret- for a reason..............
And that is something to be concerned about.
I think there wasn't alot of trust to begin with (you hacking, her flirtacious messages/meeting up/etc) and now whatever was there just got sh*t all over from this 'revealing'... so you decide if this is worth working out. And if you two decide you want to give it a try, both of you need to know that this CANNOT WORK if either of you bring this up as a trust issue ever again... example- I found out a huge lie the guy I'm seeing told me. I confronted him about it, calmly, we talked, he explained his train of thought, etc. And I decided to stick around. And never do I hold that issue against him, I trust what he says and does as though that issue never happened. Its forgiven and put away in my mind. If you can't do that... if she can't do that... than there will only be resentment/fights/etc and this relationship will be miserable. How many times can you hear "ha- like how you hacked into my stuff" in the middle of a fight before you want to slam your head against a wall. Or how many times can she say she's going out with some girlfriends and hear you "its just you guys right?" "yes honey" "Sure, like it was jsut going to be you guys on that Vegas trip".... anyway, good luck.

Answer 5

You did the right thing. I cannot determine whether you should trust her or not, but it is very good that you brought this up before you guys moved in with eachother and obviously before you decide to get married.

Maybe it's cuz she is afraid of a real commitment.

Only advice i can give is for you to be careful.... if you show any weakness to her about this situation, then she will ultimately have the upperhand and do what she pleases, while you're wrapped around her finger (or however that saying goes).

Answer 6

I'd be pissed, if I ever had a boyfriend get into my personal stuff. Not because I'm cheating just because I am a very private person. I do see what you are saying though it doesn't sound good. I don't know exactly what was in the emails, but if they were pretty bad, then I don't know how you can trust her. People shouldn't set themselves up to cheat, it is never a good thing.

Answer 7

emotional cheating is the prelude to physical cheating an internet hoe is still a hoe and in my experience you gotta let a hoe be a hoe. if your relationship was strong enough to hold on to you never would have had to ask this question in the first place. so either accept her for the lying cheating rat the she is or find you someone who really wants a monogomous relationship but if you stay dont be surprised next year when the same thing happens again .

Answer 8

I think the fact that she was habitually chatting with this guy everyday shows her lack of respect for your relationship. Did you suspect this, is that why you hacked into her account? I think you need to have a serious talk in person about it and express your concern regarding your trust issues. If you still are paranoid and can't resolve your suspicions, just let the relationship go and find one that is more satisfying and healthy for both of you.

Answer 9

ok ... you should get out now. it is wrong, of course, to snoop. however, did you have a reason for doing it? were you suspicious? i will tell u that my EX husband did the same thing--cheated via the internet. i suspected it and i went into his email. my suspicions were validated. he had been chatting it up with all sorts of chicks. telling them he was single, etc. i stayed with him, and guess what? he ******* cheated on me. the best thing i ever did was leave his sorry a$$. not all situations are the same, but if she was chatting in a flirty way while in a monogamous relationship ... well, i think it's very safe to assume she would cheat. sorry. this is just based on my experience.

Answer 10

Once the trust is lost, you'll always be wondering if she'll do it again. Is going to be hell for you and her: you are going to think about it everyday and of course you'll be calling her every 10 minutes wondering if she is alone, if she is with someone, what is she doing, and she would fell like you are fathering her and not letting her having her own space.

It's a lose-lose situation. Sorry she didn't appreciate you enough.