Troublesome child or just normal behaviour?!?

Question

My 6 year old is a very sweet, well behaved boy when he is at other people's houses so I know he can behave nicely, be polite and not contrary. However, at home it is a different matter. He can be quite contrary, has tamtrums, is rude and does not stop when asked.... What to do?! Anyone has any useful advice? Have tried the usual: star charts, pocket money, activities, state good behaviour, etc.

Answer 1

boys will be boys!! have you tried the positive parenting programme? I dont know if you've been watching the series 'driving mum and dad mad' on bbc 1 on a monday night, but it is used in by the families taking part in the programme and it works quite well.
Basically how it works is:
1) Ignore the 'little' bad behaviour and reward good behaviour ie when he does something after been told no- ignore it, he sits at the table nicely for dinner- praise him. This sends out a clear message that bad behaviour gets no attention.
2) If he is misbehaving continually or answeering back so that you cant ignore his behaviour, sit him down wherever he is for 2 minutes so that he can calm down. Keep repeating as necessary.
3) As a last resort (if you have to say 'no' 3 or more times) use time out where you take your son to sit alone on the stairs or in a quiet room away from everyone and leave him alone for 6 minutes- one for every year of his life. You then explain why he is sitting in time out and tell him that if his bad behaviour continues he will have to do time out again.
That outlines the basics of the scheme. Dr Tanya Byron who can be found on the BBC website has some great tips too.
I hope this helps.

Answer 2

You need to be consistent. Often when people try these techniques they do one, then drop that and try another. Or they do the technique at home but forget outside. Or it may be if you have a partner,childminder, their discipline style is different.
These techniques don't work in isolation, you have to do the whole package, all the time. No use getting fed up one day and abandoning the latest technique for the day, then hoping it will work a day or two later.
There are a few basic rules: be consistent, state clearly the behaviour you want and reward instantly with praise when this is complied with, consequences should be immediate if the child is naughty.
If your 6yr old is misbehaving, it could be because he gets mixed messages, or feels he gets more attention by misbehaving than behaving.
One new technique I have seen is quiet time - 2 mins of sitting quietly wherever the misdeanour occured, followed by time out (or naughty step) if behaviour is repeated. The two minutes is to disrupt the beahviour and to give the child time to calm down.
If all else fails, call Parentline, they give free courses on child taming and are v friendly.

Answer 3

Sounds fairly typical. Try asking him in his terms why he behaves so well when out but not at home. Priase him for good choices, set up a system of consequences & rewards. Such as if he does something first time of asking you will ..., if he doesn't ask him again but explain the consequence of refusing.I.e if you continue to... then you are choosing to not be able to have the playstation for ... Always give him a choice & time to comply. Hope this helps. Whatever you do you need to stick to it. Good luck

Answer 4

Try exclusion to a room where he does not have any toys etc and don't allow his behaviour to detere you from keeping your word. If you say it then he has to comply with it, dont allow him to come out until he apologises and promises to behave. It's hard at first but if you are consistent he will realise his poor behaviour brings about being disciplined.

Answer 5

Its not him its you the parents. Stop being a push over and put your foot down. He needs harder discipline. I'm not saying beat the crap out of your child. Just simply be more firm, if you say something and put a threat in it then follow up on what your saying. Stop yelling be more forceful and let your child know, I am the parent and you will listen. Your child thinks your a joke and its up to you to change it now, before its too late.

Answer 6

Use time outs over and over. When he misbehaves, warn him once, " If you do that again, you will go on time out." . If he does it again, calmly put him in a time out spot for one minute for each year old he is. When you release him from time out, require and apology and ask him if he understands why he was put there. It will take time and energy but he will be a better kid and you will earn his respect and love. You must not give in or give up. Not easy... but if it was easy, everyone would have well behaved children.

Answer 7

Bless... Hes a normal child, be proud of his behaviour when he's out, you obviously have taught him manners. All kids are better behaved for other people, I know worked with them for years, can be little swines for parents and angels for me. My 7yr old son is just like yours, boys will be boys, just mean what you say and carry it out, but try and keep your sense of humour. What hits home is when his mates come to play/tea, it makes you realise how good your own kids are compared to others. He will grow out of it.

Answer 8

Its only with you, so its you. (sorry).
Dont talk to him like a friend or adult, and when chastising, cut the talk/explanations completely.
Ive been a single parent, and have 7 kids total. I know, when a single parent, kids are ill behaved as you tend to be a mate, as they are your comfort, and reason for "doing it". However, with a partner, you can play good cop/bad cop, and this unwelcome, difficult role, is hard, when you care for them. But in experience, less explanations, and appologies for tellin them off from you, just few words, frowns, body language.
Ive mentioned this to my current girlfriend, we have a toddler, she says he doesnt "listen" to her, but she always over talks..and explains why she's telling him off...he's a toddler!
Short, sharp, body languge, a firm no. Its HOW you say it, not what you say. But when you love em, this can "hurt" you more than them! but gotta be done...from experience, not a book!

Answer 9

Ever thought of going to parent link group..I went and it was great..learnt lots and my children were good but now it so much better..spoke to children about what was expected of them, what was acceptable behaviour and what wasn't and asked what they thought their punishment should be if they needed it...different punishment for each child, depending on ages..it worked really well and now house runs really smoothly..always state that if they carry on such behaviour they will have punishment, and always follow through..as they agreed with it they cannot moan about it...worked for me and hardly need punishment now as we all kinder to each other....phew...so recommend parent link. my children boy 10 girl 6

Answer 10

Sounds like he thinks he rules the roost. The only thing I can think of is sit him on the stairs, forcibly if you have to, and make him sit there for six minutes. Let him know you mean business.