I just turned 30 years old and the guy I am seeing is 45, he's a very nice guy, but he keeps refering to our age difference as if he's not sure of the relationship. He thinks I will end up hurting him. I really like him and dont plan on hurting him, but him not being sure makes me afraid to get serious with him.
2006-08-16 07:00:56 · 55 answers · asked by Ms T in GI 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Just talk to him about it. Be honest, and straight forward.
2006-08-16 07:04:13 · answer #1 · answered by VL 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let this insecurity he has be a warning. Sometimes dating someone much older than you is not a good thing. If that person is considerably older, he or she may be afraid of being traded in one day for a much younger model...or the older person may treat you as though they are wiser. Seems to me though, that if an older man had a much younger woman, he would be elated! My 30 year old sister is married to a man 20 years older than her, and they have been married now for 8 years and still going. But if this guy is constantly afraid of the age difference, then it doesn't sound very promising unfortunately. You can't go into a relationship with someone who is unsure of him or herself, or the relationship. It doesn't look attractive on their behalf, and it certainly leaves you feeling unsettled. But if you are willing to stick in there for awhile to see if he will get over this hurdle, and if you really like him as much as you think you do, then by all means, keep him! But don't let it go on and on. If you have been dating him for quite awhile now, and he still persists, then I would end the relationship. And one final note, there is a generation gap involved as well and it might hurt your relationship in the way of not having too much in common with your past and growing up. But if the two of you have alot in common and really get along and communicate well (if you are very compatible), then the generation gap will not be such a noticeable factor in your relationship. Regardless of all this, when two people fall in love, there is no age limit. But if their is any doubt there, I would heed the warning. He may be a little insecure, which could lead to bigger insecurities. Read between the lines, if you have doubts about this union, then don't go through with it. I hope this helps in your decision. Good luck!
2006-08-16 07:27:13 · answer #2 · answered by Cherokee 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, my answer to the actual question "How old is too old," I don't think that there is a "too old" simply because relationships shouldn't be hindered by any discrepancies in physical aging, and if it does become a problem, then the relationship should be seriously reconsidered.
As for your predicament, I would say drop the guy, but NOT because he's too old. Rather, drop him because if he is more occupied with the age difference than actually being committed and trusting of you, he's just not a good candidate. From what you're saying, the guy has problems that will probably exacerbate over time, and if you're actually going to "get serious," then his problem with age is just going to get worse over time. It's not his age; it's him.
2006-08-16 07:08:01 · answer #3 · answered by quetzapretzel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This guy needs to stop being such a wuss and get a back bone man! Do you really want to date such an insecure guy? Sounds like he is afraid of getting hurt because he has probably gotten hurt many times before meeting you. Maybe all his worrying pushed prior girlfriends away? Date around, don't settle on anything until you are 100% sure of it.
Also, remind him that you are a 30 year old WOMAN, you're not a kid and you are perfectly capable of maintaining an honest relationship with someone, regardless of age.
2006-08-16 07:06:41 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's 45 and paranoid. I thought men of his age would think more maturely and wouldn't see age difference as an obstacle. To me, a 15 yr age gap isn't much and it's not like he's 30 and you were 15. He's 45, C'mon! Well, since he's too insecure, I wish you go with a younger man but who acts accdg to his age.
PS: Sorry but obviously, he's not keen to have a serious relationship with you.
2006-08-16 07:08:32 · answer #5 · answered by Muffin 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Age difference when you are dating is meaningless, so long as you are both adults.
But if the relationship is serious, you may want to exam the age difference more closely. When you are 45 and in the prime of your life, he will be 60 and thinking about retiring. When you are 60 and thinking about retirement, he will be 75 and perhaps ready for a nursing home or dead.....
2006-08-16 07:05:39 · answer #6 · answered by kja63 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he has a lot of money that is where the concern is coming from. Wealthy people are very aware of people trying to be with them for their money (especially if you don't have as much). If it's not money, than it is a confidence thing for him...why would a 30 year old want an "old" forty five year old. Just reassure him you are in it for the right reasons and let him know WHY you like him and enjoy being with him. Make him feel special, like he is to you.
2006-08-16 07:07:08 · answer #7 · answered by Tunasandwich 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh wow! I know what you're going through. I dated mostly guys in their 40's and I'm only 24. They are usually afraid that you will find someone younger than they are...and leave them. You would think that it gets better with age...but it doesn't. There really isn't an age to STOP dating, but men really need to stop acting like women and get over that issue. We're with them, so that should tell them that age don't matter....but that's why men are from mars.
2006-08-16 07:16:07 · answer #8 · answered by Kiss You Softly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Never is to old he is just having an issue with the age thing but if you like or love him the way you do then just reassure him of it. Chances are he might be thinking that your just with him for a little while until you get the urge for something else. He just doesn't want to invest all his time into something then have it gone to someone younger than him.
2006-08-16 07:08:55 · answer #9 · answered by de4life34 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Generally, if lovers are very different ages, there are two
conflicts:
1: The older one gets bored of the younger one's inexperience
with the world, ignorance, naivete, etc.
2: The younger one gets bored with the old-fogeyism of the
older one, insufficient or uninteresting sex.
Many people have dealt with both issues successfully, but
there are certainly enough who have not to warrant concern.
However, even with these concerns ... you aren't talking
about marrying the guy right now, are you? Why not see
where things go?
Do you need to be looking for trouble?
2006-08-16 07:06:42 · answer #10 · answered by Elana 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the guy has problems with the age difference then move on....maybe he's been hurt in the past by someone much younger. Tell him you really like him and if it makes him feel better then you can take it as slow as he is comfortable with. He might just be worth the effort...
2006-08-16 07:05:27 · answer #11 · answered by WonderTwit 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋