He was arrested for something that happened 8 years ago. I assume it was drug related. he called me begging for help. as "Please don't make me sit in jail for 4 months" We can borrow the money from Bank to pay but I know he will never pay us back. We just lose $1000. How bad is the County jail?? will he be raped or beat or anything like that? I feel so sad for him I want to help but it's highly possible he'll get in trouble again for not doing probation stuff.
Help!!
2006-08-16 06:35:12 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
He has been in Jail several times in different states. He is always asking me and his sister for money. He went to the Pen in Dalles for probation Violation about 9 years ago. And I am pretty sure he still does drugs. He is in Utal, I am in texas so I can't be sure about it.
So long as he is safe I will be Ok with him being there. At least he's not here living off us and his 30 YO sister like he has done twice.
I can get him a toll free number to call me and I can 3 way to anyone. And I can send him some spending money.
I have 4 other children that are holding down Jobs and taking care of their families. Several of them work their butts off 16 hrs a day and his sister is a Single Mom and she works hard and takes care of her kids.
Casey (the one in Jail) hates to work. That is why we can't have him here Both times he was here for 4 months at a time we had to buy the bus ticket to get him out of our houses.
I beleive most of you are right and I should NOT bail him out. Thank YOU!!
2006-08-16 07:53:59 · update #1
I think if it was my son I would definitely pay to get him out, it is not a picnic sitting in jail, so he would have been twenty one at the time, hopefully he has learned his lesson.
You will just have to take your chance that he will do right when he gets out.
Jail and prison just makes for a more hardened criminal, if his parents don't support him who will?
2006-08-16 06:46:11 · answer #1 · answered by brown.gloria@yahoo.com 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's hard for many parents to watch their child suffer. But, my question is why doesn't a 29-year-old have $1,000 to bail himself out of his own mess? He's an adult and should be able to take responsibility for himself, at least when it comes to paying his way through life. Also, you say that you don't believe he will comply with the terms of his probation. This says a lot. Your son is irresponsible and tends to look to others to help him when he makes mistakes. He needs to learn some self-responsibility. If you know he will never pay you back, then maybe you should let him do the four-month stint as a form of "tough love." Also, you don't have the $1,000 on hand and would have to borrow it. Do you really need to take on another debt right now? It sounds as though times are tough for you too. Let him serve the time. Maybe he'll learn something and in the future avoid putting himself and others through such difficult experiences.
2006-08-16 07:12:17 · answer #2 · answered by DeeDee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A 29 nine year old is an adult and responsible for his own actions. There comes a time when you must show tough love. Perhaps his stint in jail will cause him to make some tough decisions regarding the direction his life should take. I get the impression, from what you have written, that your son plans to do life in jail on the installment plan. If this is so, it's really time to let go.
2006-08-16 06:54:04 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well my mom and dad told me when I was younger that if I ever ended up in jail to call them just to let them know where I was, but that they would never bail me out of jail. He is 29, it is time for JR to grow up and face the music for what he himself has done. If you need to borrow the money, they you really don't have the money to just throw away. Four months isn't that long and he will be okay, it will give him some time to figure out if a life of crime is for him. The old line is, don't do the crime if you can't do the time. Time to let him go mom, I'm sure dad has told you the same thing.
2006-08-16 06:44:20 · answer #4 · answered by Injun 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am having this same problem with my current boyfriend! He was arrested a week ago for something he claims he didn't do, but he wants me to pay his bond out! its a $3000 bond no 10%, plus i know he needs to be there right now to teach him a lesson, because he already stopped reporting to his probation officer one time, and i know he will probably do it again! No county jail is not that bad he should be fine, but really it is a choice you as a parent will have to make! Whatever your choice is just make sure you feel okay with it and that is all that matters!
2006-08-16 06:43:22 · answer #5 · answered by flutter_by_baby20 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you're unsure or even doubting that he will pay you back, then just don't risk it...this man is 29 yrs old, he should know a thing of two about consequences...granite he's 29 years old and calling on mommy and daddy in his time of "need"...but how long will you continue you to bail him out of situations he puts himself in...at the end you said "its highly possible he'll get in trouble again"...while this 4 mth sentence may or may not teach him a lesson...it gives him time to think if he is going to continue on the road he is on or not...this time in county jail is probably more than enough time to let him figure out what decision HE IS GOING TO MAKE...i feel for you mom, but your son has to grow up sometime or live with the decisions he makes...its NEVER TOO LATE TO CHANGE...
2006-08-16 07:20:15 · answer #6 · answered by sweet_latina830 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only you can answer this! If your son is continuing to get himself into situations then I would let him spend the jail time. If he is still into drugs this time in jail can help him get clean... with soome hope. If he is an addict, I would give him one chance... I would tell him I would pay the $1000 IF he goes into rehab. Have him sign the papers before leaving jail. He needs help, but I wouldn't make it easy. He needs to learn how to take care of himself properly and learn responsibility before he becomes worse, he is young enough that there is hope!! Hope it works out for you!
2006-08-16 06:44:11 · answer #7 · answered by trollunderthestairs 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is such a hard one because it would break my heart if it were my son. But listen, he did something wrong, he must pay. We all have to pay for our mistakes, it helps us to learn, grow, and even change. Deal with your broken heart and do not bail him out. I feel for you, but that's the best thing. Tell him you just can't get it if you don't want to outright say no. You are helping him this way, trust me. Ps, county isn't that bad. Its not like the pen. Just other people in there paying for their bad actions too (unless their parents/wives bail their bottoms out.
2006-08-16 06:49:39 · answer #8 · answered by el 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most likely, the statistics say he will end up there again. Unless you are certain that he was innocent and doesnt use drugs, get him out. But if this son of your is going to get out, smoke his weed every now and then and end up back in jail, why waste your money. Tell him this, where is your car, ill go sell it and use the money to bail you out, cuz you dont have money. You need to respect yourself, and not get him out of jail if you know he will end up in jail again. County jail isnt that bad, my school took us on a field trip there one time.
2006-08-16 06:44:06 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Jail and Prision are two different places. No dought your son can come across the wrong people in both but prision is going to be ALOT worst then jail. Dont get me wrong, both places are bad to be in but jail is not as "HARDCORE" as prision. So if you know he is just going to get back in trouble let him sit in jail for a while. Not saying for the complete 4 months but enough time so he can get his stuff together. And i wouldn't even let him know that you are going to get him out. Just surprise him. If he has never been to jail before then maybe he needs this wakeup call.
But if he has been to jail a few times before then i wouldn't waste the $1000 to get him out.
2006-08-16 06:45:31 · answer #10 · answered by Latavish G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋