Do you really think that 3 weeks before my wedding is a good time for my mother to remodel her house?

Question

She called me a "selfish brat" because I told her that her timing with the house remodel was bad. I said she is so busy that I don't feel like I can ask for her help with anything for the wedding because she needs some time to rest. She says she is doing it for me because she wants my guests to stay in a pristine house, but it is just her pride because she wants everything to look perfect so she looks good. I'm trying to check myself on this, but I feel like I'm going crazy. I think it could have waited another month. She has years to make home improvements, but hopefully I will only get married once. She is redoing the roof, reflooring the kitchen and one of the bathrooms and putting up sheetrock in the living room. (yes, all in the next two weeks). How do I get her to let go of all that? Plus she just had surgery for cancer last year and she is supposed to be resting, but she works really hard and doesn't take any breaks.

We set the wedding date 11 months ago. She loves my fiance like a son. The contractors were supposed to be finished 3 months ago, but kept moving the dates. At this point, I thought she should have put it off until after the wedding so she doesn't work herself to death. I DO tell her I'm concerned for her. That is my whole point.

She bought the house last year and none of the remodels were "necessary" it doesn't look bad. People are coming to see us (her too) not the house.

Answer 1

If she can get it done, then you need to back off. Or, offer to help her out with everything. You can tell her that you are just worried that she is taking on to much stuff, don't center it around You You You, and you can ask her what will happen, realistically, if the repairs aren't done. Approach it like an adult - like you would talk to a friend about it.

If she has enough people in there, it can easily be done in 2 weeks. Reflooring the kitchen & bathroom can be done in a few days - possibly a few days each location. New dry wall/sheet rock can also be done in a few days. I'm guessing roof repairs can be done in less than a week. It will be cutting it close, but it's possible.

Express your concerns. Address what will happen if everything isn't done. Perhaps ask her to only do one or two things? And from there, if she's set on it, all you can do is sit back and offer help without being pushy. Good luck!

Answer 2

Okay, try not to worry so much about it. I'm wondering if her surgery last year has maybe scared her a bit. Cancer can be a very scary thing to go through (as I'm sure you realize) and, although I hope this doesn't happen, if the cancer comes back, she doesn't have years to make home improvements. Major illnesses tend to make people think about life and what they have not accomplished. Both my mother and my uncle, who have passed away from cancer in the past 3 1/2 years, went through the same thing when they knew their time was limited. This is not to say that your mother's time is limited but she may want to accomplish some things in case something does happen.

I'm assuming since you haven't mentioned this that the wedding and/or reception is not at her house but at a hall somewhere. So, the only thing is that people will be staying there from out of town. It is her pride and she wants the house to look great for when the company is there but since it is contractors and they have set the dates, there's probably not much you can do. Just something to put this into a different perspective for you - every wedding that I have helped plan, have had at least one set of the parents doing home improvements. Although people are visiting to see you, your fiance and your respective families, parents inevitably feel that their house is on display so they want it to look as good as it possibly can. Hopefully your mother will not drain her energy with all of this but the most you can do is keep an eye on her and watch out for her. I hope she knows when to take it easy and that everything will work out for you.

Congratulations on your wedding - best of luck.

Answer 3

Now that it's started, things are in quite a mess, so it's best you let it continue. There's a chance that this can be done in two weeks if the weather holds out & everyone shows up to work. & everything goes smoothly. But that's not usually the case.
She's known for awhile now, I'm sure, that you were getting married on such-n-such date. She's gotten an idea and a hair up her wazoo. She could have done this sooner if she wanted a "pristine" house.

You're going t have to make concessions here, realizing that you won't be able to depend on her....for anything for the wedding. But should the carpenters not be able to pull this off, as there's an AWFUL lot of work, expect some more trouble from Momma.

BTW, how does Mom really feel about you getting married & the man you chose?

Answer 4

The best advice anyone ever gave me was to only worry about things that I can control.

You cannot control the actions of others. Personally, I think your mother's actions are very well intended, and you may not and you have that right. But, that doesn't matter. You cannot now, nor will you ever be able to control your mother.

This is a VERY good lesson to learn before you get married. You will not be able to control your husband's behaviors, either.
That was tough for me to deal with, especially when my husband would do or say things that I didn't agree with - especially to other people. I thought that others would judge me based on my husband's behavior. This simply isn't the case. I cannot control him, nor should I ever want to do that. And, I am not my husband. He is a whole person and has his own needs and desires, some of which I will never understand, some of which I can learn to tolerate, some of which, when I really listen, can help me to become a better person.

It's a good time for you to experience letting go of a need to control things that are not under your control. It is your mother's home, it is her life, it is her need to present as beautiful a home for your wedding guests as she can.

You might rather focus on what you are going to do in the next two weeks to prepare for one of the most important days of your life - the day you unite with the man you love. What can you do to ready yourself for your new life and new lifestyle? How can you make both yourself and your future husband happy, in small ways, on a daily basis?

Remember, Love is all there is.

Answer 5

It's not the best time for a remodel, but then it is summer and that's when people do home improvements.

When my one sister in law got married, her sister (my other sister in law) went to Greece the day after her wedding, and spent the whole wedding day not helping out because she had to pack, and talking only about her upcoming trip. So believe me, it happens all the time.

Answer 6

If this was to be finished three months ago, and you're complaining that she's not giving you enough attention, than YES you are being a spoiled brat. She is doing all this stuff to her house for your wedding. Everyone wants their house to look good for out of town company. It's not her fault it took the contractors so long to finish. Grow up, I have to tell you this, but it's not ALL about you.

Answer 7

you ought to have a verbal replace to her and ask her to face down as MOH. 3 weeks formerly the marriage is too close. you may want to enable her to convey her newborn to the marriage. there's a wide large difference between children and older children, for numerous causes: (a million) they don't desire a seat and meal, (2) they don't run round so it doesn't remember if the venue isn't newborn pleasant, (3) it truly is amazingly, very confusing to get them babysat by technique of a few different person. no longer in uncomplicated words is expressing milk a discomfort, yet newborns might want to correctly be truly fussy, desiring in uncomplicated words their mom. (the man who gave a lengthy lecture about with the ability to leave the toddler, i'm merely about particular from her previous solutions she isn't a mom. i'm a mum of three). So definite, you may say definite to her newborn and no to different households. there's a wide large difference and households who already have children will understand.

Answer 8

may be she right in a way cox its her daughters weddin and wants everything to b perfect.she wants the house to look good.but as u said she had a surgery last year this will drastically effect her health if she continues to hard work .tell her politely its not good for her and if possible can extend the wedding date so that the work gets completed peacefully without ny hassals

Answer 9

You are so ungrateful,. She is doing this for you so YOU look good, is your wedding and not hers... I mean..hello? Those are your guest that are coming to stay and she wanst everything to be perfect for your wedding. She is the hostess and she is doing the best she can as the mother of the bride to give you the wedding of your dreams.

Check yourself little brat. You are the one that set the wedding date, not her ans she is doing all in her power to prepare for your wedding even though she is istill recovering.

Jeez lady, Youa re a piece of work. I can't wait to hear about your married life.

Answer 10

i was so freaked out about my wedding, that i made my fiancee help me paint the whole house before anyone got there, and that was about 2-3 weeks before the wedding. never mind all my other obligations, i wanted a freshly painted house. it all worked out for us, and it will work out for you too. pick your battles, and you'll have a much more enjoyable wedding day if you don't stress the small stuff! congratulations!