I recently discovered that my new boyfriend is pretty racist and it really bothers me. It's such a huge turn off. I've told him that I don't agree with him and to keep his comments to himself.
I'm hoping that I can bring him to see the light, because I really like him for other reasons. There's a possibility that he can change right?
2006-08-16 05:49:45 · 39 answers · asked by CC 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
People can, of course change......
Does he just make silly comments that you consider racist, but to him are just that....funny & joking around?
or are his comments full of anger & hate?
There is a difference..
2006-08-16 05:58:36 · answer #1 · answered by petsrus2002 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him 'race' is a stereotype that doesn't really exist. Anthropologically, white people are white strictly b/c of their ancestors growing up in cold climates. Black people are black from their ancestors in hot climates. It's just a pigment of the damn skin. What he is actually discriminating is cultures as a whole. He's extrememly biases by believing that say, all mexicans suck, or wahtever he'd say about them. Just b/c their skin is light brown, doesn't mean they're all teh fukin same. And so what if the majority are the same? It's how they grew up. By being 'racist' he basically has no respect for other humans. He wont' change unless it hits him that he's being biased with stupid assumptions. Otherwise, you can't possibly sit around hoping he's going to so you can be happier with hiim. He may or he may not, in time.
2006-08-16 05:58:44 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please don't be one of those women who live in a dream world thinking that the warmth of their love can change a man. Kisses don't turn frogs into princes, and love doesn't turn beasts into princes either. A frog will always be a frog. He has developed these attitudes over a lifetime of experiences and social conditioning. People can choose to become better if THEY ACTIVELY WANT to and MAKE that choice for themselves. This is a major character flaw in your man. It exposes who he really is behind the good face. This is just a warning sign for you to act upon or dismiss until you see the next warning sign. What will you do then? Will you dismiss more issues of integrity in the future?
You have three choices.
1. You can overlook his racism and love him in spite of it. This means accepting that if this relationship grows into a marriage, your children will be implanted with racist ideas by their father. But you can ignore and dismiss it for the rest of your life.
2. You can stop trying to change him and you can be the one to change to his ideas and become a racist yourself. (That sounds about as absurd to you as the truth of changing him actually is.)
3. Or you can choose to find someone else with a higher degree of character and integrity.
Sometimes making good decisions doesn't feel good. Best of luck to you.
2006-08-16 06:02:29 · answer #3 · answered by lizardmama 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Many women think that they can change their boyfriend. But that's so the opposite. The guy will probably start turning on you for pushing him to change. He might become abusive in the future too. He will not change because that's his personality. He was probably brought up that way and there's nothing you can do to change his lifestyle. Just ask yourself if you really see this relationship going somewhere? If not, then get out of it.
2006-08-16 05:59:41 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well girl, I understand about liking someone, but also, people are who they are & as much as you might want to think they will change or you may be able to change him...you cant. They gotta wanna change them selfs!! Racism is usually distilled in a persons mind at a young age. Via: the family environment or friends or jus thoughts on their own at a young age..I dont think change would happen in this case! If you love him, then stand by ur man, if it bothers you that much, then get out while you can...I would hate to think of you two having children & their fathers beleifs being passed down!!
2006-08-16 05:59:32 · answer #5 · answered by BooSha 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your dating someone who has strong racist views and your not a racist too; then your wasting your time. He's not going to change and unless you have plans to join the KKK any time soon; you guys are doomed to failure. I'd recommend finding a boy friend you actually have something in common with. Sound reasonable?
2006-08-16 05:53:35 · answer #6 · answered by perfecttiming1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People rarely change. Most are too caught up in themselves to think that they are wrong about anything. Even if they try, and for a while they might be different, they will always return to being the same way they were.
2006-08-16 05:58:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am married to a racist. He knows that i am not and do not want the kids to be. He was raised that way and it is very hard to change a person pov. If it bothers you that much leave him otherwise you must accept him the way he is.
2006-08-16 05:57:30 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not...........he got it from his parents. No one is born a bigot. As long as he returns home after being out, he will continue to think like that.
You might be able to speak to him with different words than he hears in his house, but the parental influence is far, far too great.
Maybe if he goes away to college and is in a different environment he will begin to change.
2006-08-16 05:56:42 · answer #9 · answered by brian k 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah if you say so....being a racist is the hardest thing to change I think. If you think you can do it then go for it. But I would dump him and move on! Find someone who you are totally compatible with.
2006-08-16 05:55:36 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋