how to handle my step son?

Question

i have a 5yr old step son a 5yr and 3yr old and a newborn all girls. we get our son every other weekend and he is totally out of control. his mom lets him do whatever he wants so when he comes over he does whatever he wants and that's not tolerated in my house he spends most of his time in time out. his mom has done something i don't want to go in detail about but we might get custody of him. my husband works nights so it will be me taking care of all four kids i have no one to help me with the kids. i knew this was a posibality when we got married but he behaved better before him and his mom got their own place and now he has no punishment when he does something wrong. do you think he will eventually get the idea that he will have more fun if he behaves? he is very stubborn

Answer 1

Difficult question... I too am a step parent with a child who wasn't/isn't disciplined. I guess I would recommend a reward chart of sorts. You would have to do it with all the kids though (probably). Keep it simple and easy for 5 year olds and don't expect too much all at once. Start with simply giving a star to put on the chart for using pleases and thank you's. Make earning rewards easy. for instance 5 five stars in one day is worth a prize (use cheapy prizes or pennies, or something he values). I recommend by the day first because of a 5 year old's attention span. After he starts getting a day's worth of good behavior, make it a week's worth with a bigger prize, such as a trip to the park, or an ice cream, etc. Basically you are going to reward him for his good behavior.
Now, for bad behavior, think first about why? Does he not know better? Is it for attention? (that's a hard question to be honest about). However, if you can find an answer or possible one, work from there. Such as, if it's attention - remove him from the room so he get no attention good or bad. If he doesn't know better, start with simple rules of good behavior.
I know it's hard, but don't compare him to your kids. If necessary or if you can go to the library (set # of books ahead for each child - eliminating fights in the library). Get a book about behavior. There are some simple ones that are good. Winne the Pooh has a few. There are others about manners, etc.
Sorry this is so long. It's hard to explain.
Good luck. email me if you need to [e-mail]

Answer 2

As soon as he gets to your house, sit down with him and explain what fun things are planned for that weekend. Things like going to an amusement park, seeing a movie, renting a movie, skating, swimming, attending a sports game, going to the park, etc. Tell him that if he is good then he'll get to go with them.

If he's not good, either tell him that he will be stuck at home with a babysitter while you go out, or if that can't be arranged then you will stay home, but he won't be allowed to do anything. "Anything" meaning computer, tv, video/computer games, board games, etc.

Be consistent when you discipline him; he needs at least one household where he can count on the consequences to his actions. Don't use physical discipline like spanking or smacking him; this hurts but won't really teach anything. Try not to yell either, no matter how difficult he is being.

Good discipline methods for his age are time outs, or specific toys/games/privileges taken away, for minor incidents. If it's major then it will have to be a grounding. Always explain why what he did was wrong, and that whatever punishment you give him will be given next time he repeats it. Give 5 minute time-outs; one minute for every year.

Good luck, and I hope my disciplinary ideas help!

Answer 3

i've been in quite the similar situation with my boyfriend's kids. only difference is dad doesn't punish bad behavior either because he thinks they will hate him because he doesn't get to see him as often. i on the other hand believe in discipline. his daughter is 4 and son 2. they do spend alot of time in the corner and they don't come out till they stop crying and they have to face the corner (they throw fits and cry as soon as they are scolded or put in time out). when it comes to dinner time neither one of them eat anything but rice juice or french fries so they get none of these things till they eat whatever is being served. (mom doesn't make them eat and just gives them juice or milk all day with snacks...) the girl only likes rice and the boy only likes french fries...so whenever we eat they only get what they like or dessert after they eat what is put in front of them and no juice till after supper. i've finally convinced dad that these small forms of discipline are important and he has seen that they don't hate the disciplinarian. also i do praise them and reward (ice cream or a treat etc) good behavior. more and more the kids are starting to behave themselves and are starting to follow the rules, so it takes some time and some patience but it will work out in the end. you have 3 wonderful kids that can help as examples for the son that is coming into the picture in a more permanent way. good luck!

Answer 4

i know some people that in are in a similar problem if the thing that his mom did to him is emotionaly damaging i suggest sending him to a psychitrist, if that is not in your funds show him that you love him too and that he is part of your family, when he does somthing wrong do put him in time out but let him do special things like help you around the house or find somthing that you could do with him.

Answer 5

kids are stubborn, but with consistent discipline he will get the idea that he cannot get away with this! just give him the love, attention and discipline...this is what he needs most. i know with 3 other girls that this is hard, but it will all work out for you all! kids need guidance and discipline...without it they do get out of control, they don't know how to handle their feelings and all that energy they have inside. good luck to you all!!

take care!!!

Answer 6

just spank him a little bit harder than u do befor

theres nothing better than spanking..don't spend your time watching that stupid shows super nanny or nanny or something like that...just show him who is boss.

Answer 7

get the belt!