how should i react if i catch my teen daughter " having some fun"?

Question

i m mom of a girl 15 and a boy 12.....it happened tht i caught my child ..u know.. masturbating.... and damnnn i didnt say a word just walk away and pretend tht i hvnt noticed!

Answer 1

You made the right decision. It would be very embarrassing to have your parents catch you in the act. I would take her aside at some point in the near future and have a talk about sex in a helpful non-judgmental way. How much does she know about birth control and the dangers of having sex at that age? Let her know you're there for her no matter what. You just want her to be safe and have a happy life.

Answer 2

1) If she didn't know you saw her, then keep it to yourself.

2) If she knows, tell her to make sure her door's closed and move on.

3) Don't say anything like, "it's a natural thing". Of course it's as natural as trimming toe nails -- would you say something if you caught her counting her split ends?

4) If you don't believe in the act, you can impress your beliefs on someone only so far. This is not drugs and causes no disease, hurt feelings or pregnancy.

5) Want to say something (not during the episode, though)? Say "The most perfect, safest thing to do to keep the basic biological urges under control is to 'keep it to yourself'. It's best to not involve anyone in your sexual experiences until you're older. The drive is very strong and you've chosen a smart way to deal with it."

6) If the child feels comfortable enough to mention a partner or potential partner, ask absent-mindedly, nonchalantly (or jokingly; depends on your child's self-esteem) "oh, do you think he'd make a good father at this time?"

7) If she scoffs, certain she won't get pregnant, say to her that humans are born to make more children and the only way to stop it is to take drastic measures (surgical sterilization). Doctors and scientists are working hard every day and there is still no 100% way to avoid our bodies' destiny.

8) If it gets ugly: time for scare tactics, facts from the real world. "People say the advantage to having a child at a young age is that the parent is young enough to chase after them. It's the only advantage that people can think of and it's not even true. Tired is tired and an adult in great shape will be able to chase a kid better than a teen because increasing hormonal activity causes teens to need more sleep than at any other age."

"So that's not even an advantage. Can you imagine, as a young mother with a school-age child, being taken seriously by [current principal's name here] when discussing a bully, an unfair teacher, bad behavior or getting occupational therapy or other service for your child? Young parents don't know all the paths to take and they receive less respect in the process."

"Are you ready to deal if your child gets lice, nearly-drowns in the pool, has an allergic reaction to bug bites, crosses the street, rides in a car, gets on an airplane, encounters an abuser, stands in a mall, walks home alone, loses their father, gets drafted, gets AIDS, breaks their arm or has some other serious medical emergency? That's what I've had to worry about the last 15 years, and I'm grateful to have a lot of previous life experience, and maturity-- and I'm still a nervous wreck about you! Because I love you! Do feel it's now time to sacrifice the rest of your life for a baby?"

"I'd make more 'alone time', if I were you."

Answer 3

To the person who put in that first sick reply? someone should report him to yahoo .. if they ever do anything they would report him to authorities .. damn sicko

On the other hand! that's a good question, I wouldn't pretend that i didn't see anything if i was you. It's pretty serious reason being that there's influence here by someone she's hanging out with or someone's she's seeing at school. I wouldn't freak out however as that would just distance them from you even more and what you want here is for her to come forward to you and speak to you .

Find out (again don't raise your voice or panic) who taught her this .. just sit down over her favourite snack or whatever and speak to her .. share your experience in life with her .. ask her who taught this to her and that you have no intention of going after the person who taught her this .. (the focus is her after all) ... ask her if she feels that what she did was right or wrong .. explain to her about your bad relationships when you were her age .. then slowly progress to the point where you can tell her about the dangers of teen pregnancy (obviously since she certainly didnt learn this on her own)

IFall else fails well .. there's always internet .. take that away .. and short of looking over her shoulder every minute? start a curfew until she takes what you have done above seriously ..

Not sure if any of this helps but good luck :)

Answer 4

I'm a mom of daughters too. I think you did the right thing. But if it truly bothers you, have a talk with her. (Perhaps you find it against your religion? or something esle?) Let her know in a calm way you do not feel good about her doing that.
But if you feel ok, then just let it be. It is a natural thing for teens to do, even girls.

Answer 5

Well, you can walk away and ignore this, which doesnt help anyone in the long run. Or, you can do what I did with my 14 yo son. We went somewhere, I forget, and in the car at 70 on the freeway, we talked about it. At 70, in a car, he's not going to jump out and run away and say gross. So he has no choice but to sit and listen.

Well anyways, we talked about it and how its normal, and its ok. Its not a bad thing, but it can become a bad thing. He actually ended up being grossed out by it, and vowed he'd never do that. but I told him he would, and so what.

Seriously, sit them down and talk to them about that and about s e x. About having the big O, fellatio, cunnilingus, etc... Hearing it from you, is embarrasing to you and yeah to a degree to them. But I'm telling you, they will look up to you with more respect in the end.

Answer 6

I always knock before I go into my kids rooms, I do not want to see something like that. I don't know what I would do. I think I would just let it go. That is personal. I would be worried if I walked in on them having sex w/ a guy though.

Answer 7

Tell your kids not to be ashamed of masturbating because its perfectly normal and is a better alternative to them going out and having sex. Tell them that its okay to do it as long as they´re alone, preferably at night after they´ve gone to bed.

Answer 8

I think you have to deal with it very cool! Masturbating is how we explore our bodies, at a certain age I think it is common or? There are a million worse things your children could be doing like drugs, etc., no harm in masturbating by yourself in private.

Answer 9

You did the right thing. If she doesn't know you saw her you may want to just let it go. If she is aware that you saw her, just tell her it's alright and you are happy for her discoveries and tell her you are available to talk if she wants to.

Answer 10

Do not be a spoil sport let her enjoy the fun.She has to let out steam.You should be happy she is having fun by her self or you will be grandmother soon.