Why the mixed signals?

Question

Why do women play hard to get?

I don't mean by putting out, I mean strictly during the flirting stage.

Come on, we know you're laying there at night picturing what our kids will look like and that white picket fence.

Yet you persist to come out and say it.

Say what you ask? Hey, whats your msn? or Hey whats your phone number?" Or even, "Want to grab a drink?"

But no, you leave it up to the guy, who needs to take that leap of faith. Sometimes it hurts landing on our heads too.

Regardless, you phone me and get all pissy that I didn't move in on the "Obvious" hair flicking/twirling, eye battering, and whatever other bullshit you girls do instead of just taking the initiative and asking "me" out for a drink, bowling, or whatever.

Fair. Very very Fair. Guys are always the jerks. Wait a second...

Any women out there take the initiative? Is it really that hard/bad?

Answer 1

There ARE women out there who take inititive. You obviously are not in an area with woman libbers. But, you know what? Even with woman's lib, we are still not far from where it was considered "too forward" for a girl/woman to ask a guy out. If a girl/woman did this she was considered uncouth, pushy, forward, a floozy, easy, etc. Girls and woman are still under the impression that it is the guys peroggitive to ask her out, not the other way around. Many girls/women feel it is too aggressive behavioral wise to ask a guy out, that he will see her as aggressive, rather than ascertive, which is not considered attractive qualities in a girl/woman. So, we send out signals and hope the guy picks up on them, and if he does pick up on them that he finds her attractive and would want to ask her out.

Now, think of how frustrating it is for a girl/woman to have to "hope" her "signals" are "seen" and then that the guy "wants" to ask her out, that he finds her "attractive" and "desireable". It is a two level process for girls/woman and horribly frustrating. First is the signaling. That is putting yourself out on a limb too by the way. When a girl/woman sends out a signal she is attracted to a guy, if he isn't he very well may make fun of her with his friends. Then she has to wait and see if he did pick up her signal that she is attracted and/or likes him romantically. She just has no way of knowing if he is picking up the signal and just not responding or if he is not picking up the signal. This puts her in the position of having to continue to put out the signal not knowing if she has already been rejected and is now the butt of his jokes in the locker room, or if he is just not getting it. How is that a great situation for a girl/woman to be in? She feels she should not be "pushy" "forward" "aggressive" or any other unwomanly traits, which were beat into her head by her mother while growing up.

So, is it "fair" that the guy has to take "a leap of faith" by asking a girl/woman out? Lets compare the two situations. He thinks he is picking up a signal and asks a girl/woman out. He knows right away if he is going to get a date or get shot down. So, he is then free to move on to the next girl/woman who may be sending out signals. So, a man gets to know right away if the woman finds him attractive and may wish to date him, and is not hanging out on a limb asking again and again by some obscure signals!!

Just so you know only 7% of communication is actually verbal with the other 97% body and facial language. This is just the way humans interact. It is very normal for us to use body and facial language to communicate with others, not just the opposite sex but all people. It is up to us all to learn how to decode those body and facial languages, which is something usually done in the teen and early twenties. In the meanwhile there is a lot of fumbling about in the dark and a lot of embarressment on both sexes.

I say the guys have it way better than the gals. Does this help you understand these dynamics a bit better and not be so bitter about this situation? It really is much harder on the girl/woman than on the boy/man. As boys and girls grow into men and women, it does tend to get a bit easier. Also, a woman is much more likely to be prone to ask out a guy than a girl is. Girls are much less confident in this dating dance than women are. So, please don't be so hard on the girls. It is the same with boys. When both sexes are still young they are still learning how this dance works and what types of signals to put out and how to pick up those signals. Do you know that many men will think a woman who smiles at them is putting out a "signal" that she likes him? A woman only has to be friendly and the guys think she 'wants' him!! These are guys who did not get past the teen early twenties period or learn the most basics of the dance. It is very uncomfortable to know if you just simply smile at a guy he is going to think you find him attractive or are flirting with him!! Jeez Louise!!

So, guys get to know right away, and then move on rather quickly to the next possibility. Gals on the other hand don't get informed very quickly at all and often waste time sending signals to guys who they are unsure whether or not they got the signal or just are signal blind. We are often left not only hanging but as the butt of jokes from inconsiderate guys who tell their friends how this woman or that woman just 'can't take the hint" that he don't want her! How is a woman suppose to know he isn't interested in her unless he sends her some type of signal back stating that or tells her? But no, he won't do that, in fact, he will often tell a woman he went on a date with he will call her when he never intends on calling! She is left waiting for this call and had he just said thanks for a lovely time but I am not interested in further dates, she can move on after a short cry at home.

No, this dating dance is skewed in favor of men not women. I hope this has helped illistrate that very well. I wish you much happiness in life and joy as well. Blessed Be.

Answer 2

Don't generalize..not all women are like that...some actually do ask guys out. There's absolutely nothing wrong with it. I think that stupid "hard to get" crap is ridiculous and I am sure other females feel the same way..but some girls think that it's what guys want. I say screw that..If I wanna approach a guy at a bar I will! no biggie

Answer 3

I understand where you're coming from, and ur right...we do tend to play hard to get sometimes i guess its in our nature. Hey after all we get to have a monthly cycle, makes babies, nurse babies..etc..its the least you guys could put up with...lol..seriously though i think we put out so much because we generally don't want to be hurt, had some unfortunate experience before, or just being extra careful coz once we see a guy as prince charming thats it...its head over heels

Answer 4

uh, wow, i think ur the first guy who actually comes out and say it, i guess all girls are different, some play hard to get because they probaby think ur cute, but the reason they don't do much is probably because they have someone else, and just feel like having fun with someone else, i've seen that hapend, i don't really have a real answer for ur question but i guess thats just how it is, i even get confused when i see other girls flirt with guys,but then just end up saying" oh we're just friends, or he is cute, but not my type of guy..... before i ramble even more... i even get confused, and i'm a girl! i guess girls just want to have fun!! lol. uh, good luck with whomever ur with at the moment, and just hang in there!

Answer 5

Depends on the age group of women, I grew up probably in alot different time then you did. If a woman made the first move, she was called alot of things. And I'd like to believe that most mothers are raising her daughters to act like ladies.

Answer 6

Girls play hard because they think the more difficult the longer the realtionship is going to be.

Answer 7

Wanna go out for a couple drinks later on?

Answer 8

They want that "layer of deniability", where they drop hints, but never fully commit to anything, so if something goes wrong, they can (truthfully) state they never really said that.

(And before you go abashing, my wife does this ALL the time)

Answer 9

Dude..... you have no fukking idea how right this question is....
Unfortunately, I am not one to make the move. I don't have the nerve.... I just keep on over-analyzing what would happen if I asked or told how I felt...

Answer 10

Life is crazy like that.