my MIL has been stirring up trouble for me for the past year making out her son is somewhat blameless. it's a bit of a serious situation and she has basically made me out to be the villian rather than her son. and her son is backing her 100%. how can i tell her to back of and leave us alone. and how can i get through to my partner what his mother is doing to us?
2006-08-16 04:45:37 · 24 answers · asked by coolbabe2006 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You can't tell your MIL to back off. Your husband has to do it---its his mother! If you try and tell your MIL off, your husband will likely jump on her side, and you will be the bad guy forever. Your husband is a momma's boy. When he married you, YOU became his #1 priority. You two need to put up a united front against your MIL. He has to stand up to her and tell her to stay out of you all's business and he should also stop running to her when the two of you have problems--because this immediately fuels her anger against you, and even when he has forgotten and forgiven you, she will always hold a grudge and see you as bad for her "baby". Gosh, you have my sympathy. Tell your husband to get a spine and stand up for himself and be a good family man! I really hope things work out for you two and your husband sees the light soon. Peace.
2006-08-16 05:21:03 · answer #1 · answered by Poetess_4U 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow you have the ANTI-CHRIST for a MIL too huh? LMAO! Well 1st of all it depends on the situation but the bottum line is this...your husband should support you 100% there is no Grey area there. You have to be open and honest with your husband! I went through this and I plainly told him he could have a life with me or a life with his mother! Because I refused to be made as a bad person in my own home when I did nothing wrong! That was 5 years ago! MIL is NOT allowed in our home, included in any of our plans or involved in our lives in ANYWAY! Hubby still goes and sees her-I wouldn't ever try and stop that because i know he loves his mother as he should but that doesn't mean I have to put up with her. My husband knows the happiness of our family depends on him keeping his mother out of my life and our lives together! My MIL made this choice and I have the choice of making damn sure she lives with that choice everyday! My husband now sees the clear picture and agrees with me. It drives his mother crazy but oh well...that is her issue and I really do not care what she thinks! I am a grown woman and I have a mother so I do not need her in my life. Make your point! Stand your ground and remember you and your husband rule your life together not his mother.Good Luck!
2006-08-17 02:38:50 · answer #2 · answered by lil redneck 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hun u said her SON is backing her 100% i take it her son is your partner.
well to me the problem lies right there with the son not the mil seen as the mil can only and by the sound of it has only her sons input.
possibly the approach would be to get him to stop running to mummy with tales of your lives....cos any mother would listen and believe her child 100%
so the way to the mil is definatly through the son....
2006-08-16 04:59:43 · answer #3 · answered by luna 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wish id known the answer 8 years ago when I met my hubby MIL was kind of serrogot mum to my step daughter as her mum wasnt intrested when I came along and took on mothering role she wouldnt back of, caused no end of problems now shes interfering in mu sis in law marraige too.
I still dont know the answer at least hubby takes no notice of her now he used to let her gat to him but can see her for what she is now.
2006-08-16 06:00:34 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
bless, shame theres not a club to join, tough, tough...when youve been with someone a while and you are in a secure loving relationship you have the benefit of flagging up issues that your partner might not have seen otherwise, takle that first. if he sees your point of view he might see the bigger picture..with him on side you can look at the mother in a united front...its vital that you dont make himmake choices her or me, and try to stick to facts about her rather than guess her motives. im speaking from experience, what worked for us was a united front, trying to understand her made it easier...what has to be said should come from him but in a gentle loving way...good luck,
2006-08-16 05:01:56 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dude, you either need to tell her off and take the chance of never having a relationship with her or you will have to suck it up and deal with it. I dont think there is a nice way to tell them to back off. You are with one of her kids and she will always be in the picture. Kinda like a bad babys momma...hahah...Hope it works out. I could use some advice on this myself.
2006-08-16 04:52:41 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should lay down the law, and just be firm and tell your mother in law how you feel, and tell your husband to act more like your husband and be on your side. Just be open and do not hold back.
Good Luck!!
2006-08-16 04:53:25 · answer #7 · answered by oh-so- Laid-back 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your husband is backing her up, there isn't much you can do because the two of them will make you the bad person no matter what. Actually, it sounds like they deserve each other. Back off, and look at other options, because you won't win with the two of them.
2006-08-16 04:52:43 · answer #8 · answered by oklatom 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
no your mother in-law has been stirring up trouble for herself, there is something going on in her life that she can't handle and she's lashing out at you for it. if her son can't see what his mother is doing then you should be the one to stay away from her and then he will be wondering what is going on and he will see what she is doing.
2006-08-16 04:56:32 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The problem is between you and your husband. If he is listening to his mother, rather than you, the problem is in the marriage. It would be wise if the two of you got professional help to save your marriage.
2006-08-16 04:59:57 · answer #10 · answered by soar 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋