my brother has been in and out of trouble and jail for about 10 years now. he had warrants and unpaid fines in utah, and continued to live there. finally i guess he got caught causehe called my parents asking for money. $1000 for the fine. they dropped several other fines, but kept this one fine. either he pays it or goes to jail for 120 days. my dad asked my last night if i'd pitch in to get him out. but i for one don't have the financial means to be giving him money and two, i don't think i should help him out when he gets himself into trouble. its wasn't me that got caught doing drugs and whatever it was that he did.
my brother has chosen the way of life that he lives. he chooses to be homeless and not get a job. he choses to pan handle and not get a job.
ok, my question is, 1 should i give money to get him out, or not. and 2 if i don't have the money and don't help my parents bail him out should i feel bad about not giving them money to help cause i don't have any either?
2006-08-16 04:39:30 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
oh, just to let everyone know, he is 29 years old
2006-08-16 04:54:39 · update #1
No. If he has been in this "rut" for this long he must know he can always get help from family when he needs it. So it's worth the risk in his mind. If the fine is only 1000 dollars or jail (a choice) the problem isn't a huge one that would warrent mandatory Jail time but this could be a chance to let him think about where this life style is leading him. Would you rather wait till the time he does something worse like accidental death of someone to say "this is enough?"
I am from Utah as well and have a good freind that got caught up in the drug scene and lost everything. He went to jail for only 6 Months but in that short time his wife got involved with drugs as well and they lost their 2 kids. They were put into foster homes and they had to give up thier rights as parents! He was homeless and on the street for awhile and continued in and out of the Drugs. He has since done a complete 180 although he still has to go to meetings every Sat night. Once an addict always an addict is what they say. You are always one puff or drink away from going back.
Talk with your family and come up with a plan to all stick together in whatever decision you make. They should only help him if he is willing to help himself. My freind doesn't have this option because his Mom and brother do drugs as well. So he has to stay away from them. Even though they don't use them as much he can be too easily tempted there.
2006-08-16 04:47:45 · answer #1 · answered by nooodle_ninja 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've been through the same thing over and over again with both my younger brothers .... if he continues to get in trouble and you and your family keep bailing him out he's not going to learn his lesson any time soon ... !
It's hard to see your brother in need, jail is scary ... but 120 days might be what's right for him .... sounds like he needs a good eye opener ... don't feel bad for the choices your brother made ... he put him self there and there's nothing you can to do change it ... !
People make their own decisions in life ... they also have to deal with the consequence that come after ... it's just part of life ... he'll decide when he wants to grow up and do the right thing ... but only him ... !
As for now ... make sure you still support him ... be there for him ... if he calls talk to him ... tell him how much you love him and how much you wish he would stop getting in trouble ... tell him it hurts you to see him living this life style ... he might not accept it ... and he might be mad and resent you since you're not helping out with the money part ... but down the road when he realizes he was wrong for making you feel bad for what he did ... he'll apologize and see that you really did care about him ... you just wanted him to make the right decisions in life without the help of friends and family ... !
Don't be too worried ... jail is scary ... but I'm sure he can handle it ... most people that are there ... have the mind frame that put them there ... so they can deal with a lot more then you think ... !
Hope this helps a little ... don't feel guilty ... only you make your self feel guilty .. nobody else .. if you know deep down in your heart you're making the right decision .. stick with it .. and don't let others try to change your mind .. just because they think different ... !
2006-08-16 05:24:53 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell your parents it's time for a little tough love. If they are asking you for money, they don't have it either. Since you seem to have come out okay, they taught him better than that and he needs to spend the time in jail. Think of it this way.....if he's homeless and panhandles, he will have a roof over his head and food in his stomach in jail. This is the way for him to pay his fine. He needs to be responsible for the fine. If it was the 1st time I'd probably say your parents should help get him out, but it's not, if they do it's just continuing to teach him that they will fix all his problems. I'm sorry it's your brother, I'd be upset too. I have a cousin like that...but I think probably a lot worse.
2006-08-16 05:02:52 · answer #3 · answered by jescl32 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
People, Excuse me? Why do some of you blame me for my parenting skills for his mistakes? I had 5 children and 4 of them are VERY responsible, including Melody.
I am, was a good single parent!!! Lets blame his Step Dad who was a drug addict whom I left 18years ago. OR lets blame his real Dad who was a Wife and Child abuser!!
He is in trouble for something that happened 8 years ago. He didn't know there was a warrant out. They stopped him for a traffic violation and found the warrants.
He had a home and a Job since he has been there. And he is there trying to see his little girl. The mother won't let him see her.
HOW many of us have done wrong but we were lucky and didn't get caught!!
He called me scared and crying.I should not try to help him???
I have NEVER bailed him out of trouble before. But I , his Mom will help him if I can.
I don't know why my husband asked Melody for money. That was wrong!! I would never ask my daughter to help Bail out her Brother.
ANY questions? I'll be happy to answer them!
2006-08-16 06:02:30 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a tough call to make and I know because I'm in the same situation except I'm responsible for putting my brother in jail. He has a drug problem and to make a long story short, I allowed him to move in with my family and I to help get him straight. After three months he started stealing from me and as of Monday, stole a laptop that wasn't mine and traded it for crack. I had no choice but to call the cops. He sits in jail as we speak and though I'll go visit him, I won't bail him out. I will support him 100% in getting through this and seeing that he gets the help that he needs, but that's it. I would strongly suggest that you do not help your brother out of this one but support him emotionally. Don't turn your back on him. You're very right, he chose the life he lives, it was his actions that put him where he is today. You should not have to go in your pocket to bail him out just so he can land right back in there the next time around.
2006-08-16 05:00:05 · answer #5 · answered by purpleama456 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
1. No you should not give any money to help him out. My reason is because he seems no to learn his lesson. 120 days in jail would serve him right.
2. No you shouldn't feel bad. My reason is because you did make him do drugs, panhandle, or be homeless. We all have our own decisions in life to make and unfortunately he made the wrong decisions earlier in life.
I would just explain to your parents that you don't have the means financially to help him out and quite frankly maybe this would be a good learning experience for him.
2006-08-16 04:51:15 · answer #6 · answered by angei0809 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First don't give the money if you don't have it, your right, he chose this lifestyle of crime and stupidity.....second, don't feel bad for not giving it, since you don't have it. Your parents should understand that you shouldn't starve or grow needy just to free a brother that will go right back in jail. Let him do the 120 days, consider it a vacation for him and hopefully he'll see the error in his ways.
2006-08-16 04:48:26 · answer #7 · answered by asajous 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say no. Unless he shows a real effort to get sober. 120 days is not that long. It is only 4 months. Maybe sitting in the jail in Utah for that time might make him think twice about getting in trouble.
Dear he is lucky. Since he seems to be a repeat offender, it could be years and not months that he is in jail.
2006-08-16 04:47:24 · answer #8 · answered by kclarkhorses 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off you are not responsible for the way your brother chooses to live his life. If he knew he had fines and warrants out for him then it was his responsibility to take care of them ..not you...not your parents. Sounds to me like maybe he knew your parents would try to help him out so he blew everything off.
If I was you I would worry about your own life and not give any money. Maybe sitting in jail will give your brother some quiet time to think about the course he has chosen for his life.
Good luck....
2006-08-16 04:52:33 · answer #9 · answered by lisaquinn9 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, you dont need to give him or your parents money to bail him out. And they shouldnt be doing it either. And you dont need to feel bad about it. A parent's responsiblility is to raise a child to be responsible. Apparantly you learned to do that. But just as apparantly, your bro did NOT. He should be old enough to take care of himself in a respectable manner. If he chooses to be a thief, or takes drugs, or doesnt wish to work, then he and he alone must face the consequences.
2006-08-16 04:48:39 · answer #10 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋