help! I'm going crazy with boyfriend issues! What to do?

Question

I'm dating & living w/my boyfriend for 4 months. We used to be really happy & stress free. Now we're on eachother's nerves 24-7. He asked work to relocate him 1 hr drive away so we'd fight less, but its not really working. He loves me a LOT, but i don't love him as much (maybe never will). I think i love him, but i feel like i'm walking on eggshells all the time. anything i do is cause 4 him 2 get upset & viceversa - like moving too slow 2 get something or breaking a glass, dropping something. We're fighting a lot but then talk about it & then everything's ok until the next problem. I'm going crazy. He keeps telling me how I add to his stress - when he says this i feel like leaving him - except he lives with me. then we keep almost breaking up but we cant go thru with it, my brain goes up & down everyday - stay, leave, stay , leave, & i cant stand it. something has to be done. i am treating him bad because i get mad @ him, which is wrong. its like i want him to leave me. what to do?

we have so many things in common & like to do the same things, except now we piss eachother off a lot. i feel like i have multiple personalities. we're trying 2 work things out but always same thing over & over again. he wants to marry me & have kids, & i want 2 also, sometimes. But othertimes I am like hell no. he leaves the apt. late at night if we fight to go drive around & cool off but it usually doesn't work. we know communication is key, but sometimes its my fault. I'm upset too because I would be his 3rd wife & i never have married b4. he is getting a divorce once his wife gets her papers to come to the US with their 1 yr old son but not b4 then, she doesn't know yet, so i'm guilty feeling too.

Answer 1

I just moved out with my guy to, so I can relate more so then others. Except for the fact Ive been with mine for 4 years instead of 4 months. Im thinking yall didnt know everything about each other when you moved out together, and didnt have long enough time to determine if you were both meant for each other as often some couples do by jumping the gun. When we moved out it was flawless, yes stressful but we dont even fight at all, disagree sometimes but usually come to a peaceful compromise-thats what relationships are about- give and take- and to make it work sometimes you have to give more then you take. Example I d
o the dishes and the laundry and hes doing all the techinical issues around the house and stuff. May not seem fair but we work together to get things done. Getting mad at your loved one is no way to react, and it seems hes been trying to make it work by relocating for shorter driving time. Its good that you talk but your only talking about the immediate problem, what about the overall problem, how bout talking about reducing arguements, preventing them before they even happen? Good communication is key. And what do you mean you dont love him as much or dunno? You should of questioned that before you moved out with him, if you truely dont love him then what your doing is using him and you should move out. Its shallow and mean to use another person. I suggest you make a list- the good and the bad- and see what outweighs the other. If its mostly bad move out if its mostly good stay and try to work together through yalls problems.



I just read the additional note- leave him- he hasnt left his last wife yet! plus obviously what makes you think it will work with him if it hasnt worked with his last two wives. Dont have kids and marriage unless your sure this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with!

Answer 2

This is what happens when you move in with someone. First off, It will take a while for both of you to adapt to eachother being around all the time. ITS TOUGH WORK. My husband and I have been living together for 2 1/2 years and it took over a yr for us to truly be co habitable together. I went threw all the same emotions with my man so I COMPLETELY get it. If you arent sure about loving him, make a list of reasons why you two cant get along. If you work out one problem, Dont bring up the fights prior to that problem. Take everything one day at a time, Eventually you will learn to be yourself around eachother and then things smoothe out, I've lived with 4 men in my life, the first few years of co habitation are very difficult. Handle eachother with care. Good luck

Answer 3

From just reading this, and I'm not a counselor, but I don't think you are compatible with each other. You need to sort it before it goes to far, and if that means admitting defeat and saying it isn't working out,then you need to do that. The best advice I was given from someone was when I was going to move in with a partner. I was told to go on a 2 week holiday with them, if we could survive that then we could live together. The first 4 days were great and then it was down hill from there. Dating someone is OK because you are not together 24 / 7. But when you move in together your free time is dramatically reduced.

I think you have to ask yourself is it better to have him in your life as a friend or not in your life at all. Carrying on the way you are can only end in disaster.

Good luck!!

Answer 4

As soon as you start living together, things will change. It won't be like the way it used to be when you were still dating. I don't know why, but it happens a lot. But I think that both of you are stresses out. Especially your boyfriend, I don't know why he overreacts when you move too slow or break a glass. You don't walk around breaking glasses do you???? You both should try to take time to be alone and think about it. You should take a break and figure out the culprit. He needs to go to the doctor to check his blood pressure. If he's too stressed and gets upset about you moving too slow, breaking a glass or dropping something, I think he should pay his doctor a visit.

Answer 5

Look the past is the past, forgive but don't forget. Now you all really have to sit down and come to an agreement like lets try to work everything out and take it easy for a while. Or maybe a quick vacation, worry free, would be a good way to escape the real world. I know you love him or else you wouldn't be with him so just try to save your relationship. Be happy!

Answer 6

Sounds like you two need some alone time away from each other, "you never know a person until you live with them", so now that you know the two of you can't live together, don't you think you should both part for now, until you can work out your differences, and he gets his divorce from his wife, the guy has been married 3 times already!...Hint...hint! Save your self1

Answer 7

Seems like ur holding on to something thats not there anymore, if it ever was there to begin with. Why are u guys torturing urselfs?! Maybe u guys can make it work if u both had ur own space. U said u THINK u love him, which in my book probably means u dont. Are u holding on to this relationship just to be in one? Isnt a companion suppose to add to ur happiness, not do the opposite? Take a break babe.

Answer 8

Wow. You're a in a mess!

What about taking some time away from him? If you have a friend or family member that will let you stay with them for a week or two, you'll realize certain things. Maybe you're better off without him.... or maybe you both realize that absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Or maybe some counselling.... it's all up to what you guys want.

Good luck!

Answer 9

ur just like me but instead i have a girlfriend.well i see were your going u cant take much more of this u just want it to end i know. but when u wonna break up and u dont is because maybe your afraid for someone else to take him or its maybe its be-cuz he made you feel so much different.i think u should tell him everything that your feeling and tell him if he really wants this realationship to work than he has to put his act together ...and if u want explain to him why youved been pissed off so he doesnt take it the wrong way and if he really loves you he would make an effort
well hope it helps goodluck!!

Answer 10

It almost sounds like you have it over in your head already. When you say you just want him to break up with you, like it would absolve you from the responsibility of the relationship. If you both are that unhappy why walk on egg shells everyday? Move on with your life while you are young enough.