my proposed wife say no to my proposal after 3 years of relationship because she discovered that i had a 6 year old baby girl out of wedlock, before i knew her.
2006-08-16 03:36:00 · 19 answers · asked by Sir Joe 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Your girlfriend obviously said no for a reason. She is hurt by the fact that you had a child with somebody else and maybe she wanted to have your first child. Speak to her about this and find out what is bothering her about it.
2006-08-16 03:42:57 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's a lot of information needed to really answer this! Did you tell her about the child when you first started dating? Did you tell her about the child as soon as you knew, if you didn't know when you first started dating? Did you wait and tell her after you'd been dating for 3 years? Did you never tell her at all? It sounds like, by your use of the word "discovered," that you never told her at all and she found out anyway.
If that's what happened, then it's likely she feels she can't trust you because you didn't tell her. It's one thing if you don't tell her you broke your toe when you were six. It's another thing if you try to hide the existence of a daughter. If you told her, but not until you'd been together for 3 years, then she probably still feels that she can't trust you. You just can't date someone for three years and not tell them that you're a parent without their feeling that you can't be trusted to share important things with them. And that is a HUGE deal if you're trying to build a lifelong relationship. Next time, tell your new girlfriend right from the start that you're a parent, just like you tell your age or where you went to school or where you're originally from.
What can you do? Maybe nothing. Broken trust can sometimes NEVER be healed. You can ask her to give you another chance, but you're going to have to work very hard to gain her trust again, and that might mean another 3 or 4 years before she's willing to think of marrying you. If ever.
If you told her all along about your daughter, and she suddenly decides it's a problem, well, then, she's the one with the problem. There's probably not a thing you can do. Someone better WILL come along, though.
2006-08-16 10:51:47 · answer #2 · answered by kimberhands 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she is this narrow minded then you might be better off without her. There are a lot of women who won't mind the baby girl situation. Women do like to know everything so it is best to at some point early on have a common meeting of the minds and divulge anything that seems relevent. Life and women and yaddah are a game plan without a set of fixed rules attached any you have to work by feel much of the time. Women are usually 100% right and we men are usually 100% wrong so get used to it.
2006-08-16 10:44:27 · answer #3 · answered by acmeraven 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
explain to her that having a child prior to your relationship will not change your feelings for her and let her know how much you love her despite your past.....remember though that some women are sensative to the fact of their man fathering a child with someone other than them....it will take time but after 3 years with you i believe you 2 will get through this
2006-08-16 11:00:33 · answer #4 · answered by Honey Dip 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why didn't you tell your girlfriend about your daughter? That's a huge thing to keep from someone you plan to marry. Try and look at it from her shoes. If you keep away the fact you have a child, what else could you be hiding?
2006-08-16 10:42:51 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
A relationship of three years? She should have know about the baby, now deal.
2006-08-16 10:41:56 · answer #6 · answered by buldawg 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well Joe, females like to know these thing up front. Her reaction is not surprising. She probably feels you were holding it back from her. She wasn't expecting a step-child.
2006-08-16 10:44:19 · answer #7 · answered by Zorb the alien 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think that was worng for her to do to if she love you at all she could
have expct that no matter what becase that caild is a part of you
but sents she will not expect the caild thin i guess she rellt did not
love you
2006-08-16 10:52:17 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
tough one u just gota talk it out man the fact u witheld that info for 3 years prob means she cant trust you, tell her everything and say your sorry and hope she can forgive
2006-08-16 10:41:25 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
after 3 years she should have already known about your daughter. sounds like you screwed up.
2006-08-16 10:42:47 · answer #10 · answered by Intelligent Donkey 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋