how can i help her?

Question

I have a South African friend who got married and moved to France.She has a little girl of 5 years old whos living in S.A with
her dad.My friend gets phone calls from people who she doesn't know and they tell her that her child is being abused by her grandmother.The child is very spontaniouse and very talktive but lately when we phone her she dont talk allot and it seems like shes affriad.What can we do about this?

Answer 1

Well... there is no Child Protective Service in South Africa so that possible solution is OUT.. I know that South Africa does not have any similar services either.

The ONLY thing that the mother can do is return and take the girl with her to England..Because in South Africa, it is VERY difficult do do anything else UNLESS she has other family friends there who would care for her girl

Answer 2

With what you've described, it seems that there is a need to investigate on the matter. The child used to be talkative and spontaneous but the 'sudden' change in her is enough to cause a concern.

If you 'feel' strongly about the calls you're getting (even if it's still unfounded), DO act on it and try to know what's going on. Of couse, if you were to ask the alleged 'abuser', she/he wouldn't squeal and would tell you that everything is going on just fine. Even if you asked the girl's dad, he wouldn't say anything is wrong and would even think otherwise of your concern if ever you ask.

Better visit the girl and talk to her in private. In most cases, abused children don't 'talk out' easily but with gentle persuasion and not trying to insinuate something, ask her how she's doing with her stay at her dad's place. How she is doing with her grandma, etc. Ask her as well how she spends the day and what she thinks of her dad & grandma, etc. Even if she doesn't tell you anything about the alleged abuse, observe intently on how she answers the questions and how she behaves in your presence. Observe as well how she relates with her dad or grandma in your presence. If you think something is suspicious, bring her to a child psychologist who'll be able to help her. Also, it will be very important to ask the child for the cause of any bruises or marks on her skin. Try to be discreet about all these things. I don't think the other party will be happy with it.

Overall, there could be a lot more than what meets the eye. As much as possible, make sure the girl is 'ok' in the presence of other family members and relatives. Isn't the child living with her own mother?....well, just asking. 'Cause a child who is torn between 2 divorced parents are most likely to suffer emotionally and psychologically as well. She may be suffering too much already.So, be gentle and understanding toward her.

Answer 3

get her new husband to sort some money and snatch her, she is obviously being abused and there is no social services or such like out there, therefore this will go on and on if she does not do something herself for HER child, WHY on earth did she leave her in the first palce...enough said, just go get her. Also what she must do first is get a recent photo and get a passport done for her, then she will be able to get her out ov the country reasonably easily, provided the authorities have not been informed before she gets to the airport, there are people on the web that can help to do this BUT it costs money

Answer 4

do not send the child to her grandmother and sit and talk to the child and sort of bribe what her grandma does out of her
then you might wanna take her to a psychiatrist because she had to deal with this at a young age
and put the grandmother in jail.
all you have to do is use the people that call your friend as witnesses and then let your friends daughter speak the truth and let her know if she does things will get better.

Answer 5

Your friend should put her child first and get over to SA and check on whats going on. It might be she just misses her mum and doesn't want to talk long distance, or it could be something more serious. The only way she can find out is by seeing it first hand.

Answer 6

this is a very delicate situation and has to be treat as such the mother will know if her child is behaving differently andyou should never ignore a child no matter how young TELL SOMEONE how would you feel if it came to light years later and u did and said nothing its up to us as adults and parents to report anything suspicious and make sure no children suffer if ur this suspicious to come on here and ask advice you know in your own mind that theres something going on do something about it NOW i hope it all goes well tc

Answer 7

Thats a horrible situation to be in but i would have to ask why she doesnt have her daughter with her in the first place? Im not asking out of nastiness as she may feel threatened there but If it were me and it was my daughter i would be on the first plane back and I would take a baseball bat to anyone who had harmed her in any way. I hope she finds out soon.

Answer 8

Send SRS over there. Find out what South Africa's version of SRS is and alert them. If they don't have one then try the same thing through the French Government or whichever country the custody decree is through. If there is no custody decree.... GET ONE.

Answer 9

The best thing you can do is to advice her to go over to S. A to get the baby. Sometimes they may be rumours about things like that. But if she can go there and see things herself things might change. She is to go, first to know if what she heard was truth, second if it is truth there is nothing she can do than to take the baby along with her period.

Answer 10

I would advise her to go over to SA to see her little girl for a while to find out if anything is happening. I also think she should take someone along with her ie a friend for support etc.