Question for Agnostics/Atheists?

Question

Recently my boyfriend, who I had been living with for 1 year, left me. The condolences I keep getting are "It just wasn't meant to be".

This doesn't make me feel better. Since I don't really believe in "meant to be" or "not meant to be", this only makes me feel worse. I'm so sick of hearing "If it's meant to be it will work out" and all this "meant to be" talk. That's basically (to me) just a way of sugar-coating the situation and it only makes me feel worse.

Does anyone understand where I'm coming from on this subject? Sometimes I feel like no one does.

The reason I direct this to Agnostics/Atheists is because I am Agnostic and hoping that those of similar beliefs will understand the situation.

Answer 1

I understand how you feel. I have been in the same situation myself, but you must face the reality of your situation. He left you, this is a fact. He obviously did not care for you as much as he needed to, to want to make a life with you. Sometimes our feelings for others change, this is just a simple fact of life, the gamble of love. Not saying that he is a bad guy, but in situations like this you deserve more from a person when you are in a romantic relationship. Be glad that he did not drag this out for years and then leave you, you have only wasted a year when it could have been many years. Take some time to get your head together, then get back out there. He has done you a favor. Now you can look forward to meeting someone who maybe more compatible for you, plus you get to feel that intoxicating feeling of when you first fall in love with someone new for the fist time, try to look forward to that, when looking back on your old relationship, try to look at the things that you did not like, it will make the transition a bit easier.

Answer 2

I think people say things like that because they feel like they should say something. Maybe they want to be helpful, but don't know what else to say. Maybe they're just secretly too lazy to try to think of some other way to be helpful, such as listening. If there is something different you want from your friends, some other way they could help you, you should let them know. But remember that they can't make your hurt go away. Only time and your own processing of the situation can do that, in the end.

Alot of times in life you just don't know why things happen. Sometimes you figure out the reasons later, sometimes you don't. Understanding how a relationship went wrong can be very helpful in having better relationships in the future, but the most important thing is usually to focus on the present moment, on what you can do right now.

As to advice that fits with agnosticism:
It's up to you to find the meaning in where you are right now, or even whether it means nothing or something. Choosing for it to mean something is usually more productive. We have to take responsibility for creating meaning in our lives, and we are all responsible for the life we create. Your boyfriend made his choice, for whatever reason, and you can't control him and you can't go back. But you can choose for yourself how you will move forward. I know it may hurt right now, and pain is part of life, but with time you can perhaps find the meaning even in your hurt and let that make you a better and stronger person.

Answer 3

Well, this may sound strange - and the last thing you want to hear - but while I don't believe in God, I do have at least a tiny little belief in 'meant to be'.

For me, if I say that something wasn't meant to be, I mean that the two people are not suitable for each other - you know, an oil-and-water situation.

I don't mean that about you - I don't know you or your partner. I do believe that some things are worth fighting for. But I also believe that some things just can't happen. I don't have to believe in God to know that 2 + 2 will never equal 5.

The point is that you'll need to have a good long consideration of which one it is.

And remember that it's completely about you and him - not about God, and not about His fan-club...

Answer 4

i'd say specific. it relatively is all we are able to be rather. I mean who's to declare that day after today a deity won't come out of the solar and communicate with us. it relatively is totally no longer likely of path that's why i do no longer have confidence it may happen. Calling your self an agnostic atheist is relatively like announcing "properly i do no longer have confidence in gods, yet that doesn't advise that I thoroughly write-out the possibility." it relatively is sort of on par with announcing a similar approximately unicorns or area-teapots, notwithstanding it relatively is the only way of being intellectually user-friendly: you do no longer comprehend, do no longer say which you do. the whole concept of agnosticism is deceptive to maximum folk it form of feels, as maximum seem to think of that being agnostic purely skill you're sitting on the fence between concept or disbelief in the Judeo-Christian god whilst in certainty it relatively is purely a loss of specific place on any sort of matters. it is why you will desire yet another word in there to sparkling it up - ie: you are able to no longer purely be 'agnostic', yet you will properly be an agnostic atheist, or an agnostic theist.

Answer 5

jim darwin the agnostic here,

i feel bad for you cause you liked him and now hes gone,

i understand also what you mean by not liking the answer "it wasnt meant to be" cause nothing is meant to be one way or the other

life is choices and relationships are choices that affect other people

he made his choice to not continue with you

theres a book its called girl hes just not that into you, but that is more like heh why wont this boy call me back after 80 messages, and doesnt apply to your situation,

but the philosophy behind the start of a relationship is choice,

the philosophy behind continueing a relationship is choice

sorry for your lose of a boyfriend, but, he made a choice and f----- him theres lots of better men out there

Answer 6

I'm not agnostic or atheist, but I get where you're coming from. I don't believe in "fate" or "destiny" or whatever else it is either. I get pissed when someone says "It wasn't meant to be" or something similar. As much as I don't mind people sugar-coating everything, I get burned when I hear this.

Answer 7

It is just a way of sugar coating the situation. He obviously didn't want to compound the situation by telling you the real reason, or maybe he's just confused. I agree with the fact that I don't believe in "meant to be"... It's garbage really. But in his eyes, he's just saying the equivalent of "It's not you, it's me..."

Answer 8

"Meant to be" puts forth the designation that there was some sort of predestination involved in your break up so yes I can see where that would be upsetting. I don't believe that anything is predestined so for someone to tell me that its just that way because it's meant to be that way does tick me off a bit. My usual response is no it was decided that way by the decision you made (or I made as the case may be) because the only one that controls what happens is people themselves.

Answer 9

Well if your agnostic then you should brush it off as 'it happens' or 'badluck'. But in reality your quite right, many things happen which are sad etc.

Did you know that God purposed in his heart that all men would be saved? Yet sadly, so many won't be...

Sorry for being a Christian and answering your question, but Christians shouldn't sugar coat things like this, if something bad happens its generally because another person has done it to you, or you have done things to lead it to happen.

Answer 10

That has always been the ultimate cop-out. It was or wasn't "meant to be". You and your boyfriend broke up because one or both of you stopped working at keeping the relationship fresh and alive. So, it died. Perhaps he found someone else. That also has a tendency to break up a relationship. This "meant to be" crap is supposed to allow you to shift all blame to God, or the Fates, or whatever, and that way you don't have to accept any blame yourself.