My cousin slept with my ex when I was with him and then went off with another of our cousins' b-friend. In between she had gone out with my b-friends cousin & treated him shitty. Didn't talk to her my nan died & she was a cow to me. 2 years later she got in contact & she was still with the guy. I saw her about once a month, now the guy has left & she has noone except me. I know i am probably being used but have to go with my conscience. My boyfriend said that I didn't have good judgement (due to another family matter) & that I should keep her at arms length. While he is probably right, I don't agree he has the right to tell me what to do. He said that I wasn't equal because I dn't have good judgement. He said I should know my place as a woman. I have a hard time accepting that. He is not controlling or mean, he does have a quick & bad temper. I haven't seen him since Sat. he is waiting 4 me to call. I don't know how to sort this out.
2006-08-16 01:11:22 · 19 answers · asked by Honey 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He can ask, and you consider , but it remains your choice, not his!
Ignore his tantrums and show him the door if he doesnt grow up.
(this is advice - not an order. Make your own mind up!)
2006-08-16 01:15:53 · answer #1 · answered by 'Dr Greene' 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, NO MAN has the right (especially one that you call your boyfriend) to tell you that you are not his equal, because of your judgement or otherwise. Men who say that are COWARDS who feel the need to control women. And he obviously IS trying to control you. Rather than telling you what to do, he would offer advice, but in the end let you make your own decision. And you should know your place as a woman? Oh, girl. Why would you allow yourself to be treated that way? You sure as hell don't deserve it. I really think that you should have a serious talk about the way he treats you. And he doesn't quit it, walk. No stupid guy is worth ruining your happiness.
2006-08-16 08:27:33 · answer #2 · answered by LoVeLy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Aside from the last few sentences, which seem to be a completely different topic. I would say he is just looking out for your best interest. He has seen or heard (from you) what this cousin has done and how she has treated you. I would guess he was trying to protect you rather than control you.
Now, about those last few sentences - my boyfriend JOKES about me knowing my place. But if he ever said, and really meant, that I was not his equal- he'd be gone. You don't need to put up with that. Imagine what life might be like in the future - would you want that?
Good Luck.
2006-08-16 08:19:33 · answer #3 · answered by goodlittlegirl11 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your boy friend does not have the right to TELL you anything you HAVE to do. When you were a child, your parents could tell you what to do, and as an adult, there are laws you must follow, but...
...your life is yours. Who you hang around with, what you do, what you feel, what you think - those things are all yours.
If someone in your life is trying to control those things, you'd do well to either straighten that person out quick, or move on from them. If you go the rest of your life letting others tell you what to do, you'll end up an old, sad woman.
Good luck! - Stuart
2006-08-16 08:15:39 · answer #4 · answered by Stuart 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well if she has been out with one of your ex's and you have forgiven her, then its not up to him to say, how she treats her fellas is her choice, not yours.. he should not tell you who you can and cant see.. after it's family.. he can say or explain any worries he has, but at the end of the day- you are in charge of your self. for me the statement "He said that I wasn't equal because I dn't have good judgement. He said I should know my place as a woman" would mean he would now be my ex boyfriend.
2006-08-16 08:19:34 · answer #5 · answered by dianafpacker 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No-one should tell you what to do. Your bf sounds quite controlling to me. I am sure you could find someone better. But your cousin is definatly not very nice. Just because your her only friend doesn't mean you have to see her if you don't want to. Suggest her to get a hobby, join a club or something, she will make lots of friends then. Or maybe she should do speed dating as she is good at that!
2006-08-16 08:19:34 · answer #6 · answered by Lisa G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should make the decision and not him. However, use your best judgement and intuition. If you feel like hanging with her is going to be a bad idea--it probably is. But make the decision on your own, never let anyone tell you what to do.
2006-08-16 08:19:05 · answer #7 · answered by CheekySlag 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has a point - he is trying to ensure that you don;t get used and hurt, but the way he has expressed it is terribly poor - he can give you his opinion but has no right to impose it on you, and the rubbish about woman knowing your place and not being equal is pretty unforgiveable.... and I'm a man....
2006-08-16 08:16:42 · answer #8 · answered by eriverpipe 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
often when guys seem to be too 'controlling' it's just them trying to find security...they want YOU to WANT to be with THEM more than anyone ELSE. okay? and he has every right to tell you if he believes you should do something or not. just like you have every right to tell him what you think about what he does with his mates and who his mates are, etc. and infact, talking about these things is key to a healthy relationship
2006-08-16 08:29:27 · answer #9 · answered by mylittlewindmill 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he's only worried about you and can see what you can't..... try to understand his view.. he's not being wrong.. and he's surely not being controlling.... maybe you should assure him and SHOW him that you're not being used, and he'll understand.. maybe u have to make him a part of the steps u decide to take... that's what lovers do.. that's why u'r in a relationship - to do things together!
2006-08-16 08:16:33 · answer #10 · answered by conspicuous 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋