Help with my 2 year old?

Question

I have an unruly 2 year old boy, he is stubborn, he hits me and yells at me. I have done all I can, he is still a brat, I sit down and cry because he frustrates me so much. Every day is a power struggle with him. How do I cope with this? There must be someone out there who has had this problem, and conquered it. HELP!!!

Answer 1

Sounds familiar:)
First of all, at this age you cannot 'fix' everything at once.
Choose 1 or 2 behaviors at a time to be working on. If you try to make him good all at once you could be in a constant state of correcting him......just by nature of his age.We dont want that.
You and your son need to be able to enjoy each other and have fun.
It is important for a 1-2 year old to learn their boundaries( they are smart enough) Hitting and yelling at you are a good start.
First of all YOU are the parent and deserving of respect from your children.....it helps them out later in life to respect adults esp.parents.
When my 2 year old hits I tell her 'no hitting ' in a low tone and tell her 'be nice ' in a lighter tone and have her brush your face lighter. I also tell her to say sorry. If she does, ( she can do it by just hugging when she couldn't talk) I praise her and give her a hug and mike a big deal out of it.
If she does not I give her a warning which usually does not work if she hasnt already apologized at this point.
Then her consequence: Whatever you choose....swat on bottom or time out in the corner(this works out best for us) my children hate it!!You can try a play pen ( if you dont use it anymore for anything else)11/2 min. to 2 minutes
After that she usually apoligizes and is ready to move on.
It is important to give lots of praise and hugs after a discipline session. You can continually talk to your child all day. Talking about good and bad behaviors that comes up in every day life.
Just remember, teaching a child is a long term project.
It may seem as if you cannot cope but they do eventually get it.
Hang in there. Maybe find a play group or form one with other parents to meet together and change ideas and also to see that you are not alone and that what you are going through is normal.
You have an honorable job raising and teaching your child/children.
Best Wishes!

Answer 2

First I have to say PICK YOUR BATTLES!!!
Honestly . . . I have to say start by using the Naughty spot see if this helps if not I will give you another thing to try at the bottom of this. My son was horrible. He would hit and scratch and kick or bite. I would go to sleep crying!!! I was so frustrated, i tried spanking, yelling and nothing really helped. Then I started reading "The happiest toddler on the block" and I watched Supper Nanny. I realized that the more upset I got the more he realized that it worked when he did it. He wanted a reaction from me and he was getting one. I would totally recommend getting that book and maybe getting a few others. I will add some more names as I look through my books.
The Happiest Toddler on the Block is the book and you can get it on www.amazon.com
Here are some sites that might be helpful
www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T063300.asp
www.kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/behavior/tantrums.html
www.drspock.com/topic/0,1504,149,00.html
www.babycenter.com/refcap/toddler/toddlerbehavior/11569.html
www.babycenter.com/dilemma/toddler/toddlerbehavior/1410195.html (this one has advice from other parents)
I really hope this helps, if not I would suggest having your child checked for food allergies. We discovered that alot of our sons problems revolved around his food allergies. Many people have no idea what food allergies can do to children. If you want to know more about any of this contact me and please be sure to include your email address.

Answer 3

I completely disagree with ignoring him. I have a two year old as well, and I have some of the same problems with him. I find that all of that anger and throwing fits is usually him trying to get attention, so give it to him. But DO NOT give him attention for throwing a fit. Tell him, don't hit, it hurts when you hit, and back away from him. Then, give him a minute to calm down and excitedly ask him if he wants to do something with you, like play a game (something he would enjoy) if he says no, which is likely for a stubborn 2 year old, then play the game by yourself. He will almost always join in and forget about the fit he was throwing. If he acts up again, start over with something new. This is the best advice I can give you, as I am still dealing with this myself. All I can say is you cannot eliminate this behavior completely in a boy this age, but hopefully this helps you to minimize it.

Answer 4

I have the same problem with my boy. He'll be two October 31st, I was guessing he hit the terrible two's a little early. I know it is tough. Here's some of the things I do, I don't know if it will help or not, but they are starting to help with my little one.

When my son slaps me or hits me I spank him on the hand and tell him no first. He has one of those redheaded tempers though so he would always hit me again. So I would spank his butt, not hard, but enough to kind of hurt his feelings. I would tell him that it wasn't nice to hit. I had to do this 50+ times. I also would get someone else he is around all the time to tell him not to do that or to spank him on the hand, someone who usually doesn't spank him or get onto him all the time like his grandparents. Shockingly that started to work. So now when I tell him no he is starting to listen. Every child is different, but this just started working for me so I thought I would share.

As for the yelling I would do the same thing. Don't get mad and yell back at him though, that only makes things worse. (Not saying you do.) I would cry all the time, but he seems to be calming down a bit now and I am so thankful. lol

Good Luck, I hope something will work for you.

Answer 5

Don't feel bad...no parent is perfect!!! If he's stubborn, stop giving him the things that he demands other than neccessities. Tell him that you aren't going to do______ unless he behaves and stops _____ ( the negative behavior ). As for him hitting you- you need to stop that behavior IMMEDIATELY....when he hits you hit him back and tell him that he does not hit mommy or put him in time-out. When he yells at you, place him in time-out and tell him your expectations. You must remember that you are the parent and he is the child/. Also, there is a show on ABC called nanny 911 (you don't have call the show) but try watching sometimes because I'm sure that there will be situations similar to your own- I watch it from time and get really helpful ideas on how to deal with my 3 year old.

Answer 6

I am currently reading a wonderful book entitled " Children the Challenge" ( you can find them used for 1.50 ! ) Anyway, one of the main points it makes is logical consiquences. For example, if you leave your toys out and do not pick them up, mommy will, but mommy will not put them back where you can find them. Once toys are picked up the child can "earn" the lost ones back. He is obvously yelling and hitting out of frustration, which is common for two years olds. They want to do it all themselves, but do not yet have the skillset necessary to be able to do what they want, and they lack the understanding of this. What you can do is mainitan a positive tone in your voice, and tell him " I understand you are not happy." and them simply walk away into a private area of your home (ex the bathroom, give your self a time out to collect your thoughts.) He will probably scream more, but do not give it any attnetion. After a couple of minutes, come out and resume what ever activity you were doing. If he remians calm, think of a special game, or a special chore he can do with you, and you give him attention. If he behaves badly again, do not say anything, simply walk off to the private area, wait, and return. After 2 times doing this with my daughter, she stopped her whining. Then when he is happy, work on "training" role play ways to be nice, what to do when angry and such. It will begin to sink in and next time he is angry, he may begin to behave differently. Remember talking does not help. You may tell him to stop a million times, but most of the time that will do no good. Spanking only says- if you are angry or not happy about something( which he can tell you are from the look on your face and the tone in your voice) hitting is the answer. Always keep a plesant voice ( and this is very hard- trust me) and go about your business. Make the consiquence relate to the action- logically. If he yells, tell him ina positive way yelling is not nice and it hurts your ears, and walk off. you do not have to battle with it. Once he realizes yelling and hitting are not getting him anywhere- he will learn.
Keep searching the internet for ideas and you will find the best one for you. If things continue to get worse or you feel like you are suffering more than normal for a 2 year old behavior- Get help! Talk to your doctor and the child's doctor to see the best course of action to take to keep you both healthy and happy.

Answer 7

I see alot of people answer with the "time out", not me. I believe a child should be spanked. I took a child care class after I had my son and the woman told me that 3 whacks on the butt, with no marks or bruises IS NOT considered child abuse.

Frankly, I am sick and tired of other peoples little brats running around and not listening. A good whack on the butt will do miracles. My son KNOWS he had better not act up in a public place. I am not raising a criminal, I am raising a well behaved, rounded out boy. One day, he will thank me for his punishment as I did my mom.

Hope I helped.
Have a wonderful day!

Answer 8

Mine screams no at me, hardly ever listens, refuses to do what is asked when he is asked, fights, argues and hits. Temper tantrums occur when he is taken away from a situation or given a time-out. No miracle cure for being 2 I'm afraid.

I have 5 kids so I know my parenting style hasn't changed. He is the worst behaved child at 2 from all of them but each one is individual in their own way.

Patience. It will subside. Stick firmly to your ground rules and don't take any crap. Hitting means time-out, every single time, even out in public. Screaming, yelling is just his way of expressing his frustration and anger because he doesn't understand those emotions well enough to monitor or control them. You can give him the words, I'm angry, to use instead. Just by reinforcing it, 'are you angry?' don't scream tell me what's wrong, use words, say i'm angry...that sort of thing.

Hang on. It will pass. Try to focus on the times he curls up next to you and gives you those puppy eyes and snuggles in. I know they are few and far between but enjoy those. It is NORMAL for a 2 year old to test their limits and to test you. Some are more extreme and that has NOTHING to do with you.

Answer 9

Set rules and no matter what, DO NOT waiver from them. Not now, not in 10 years! All children need guidelines and rules. Without them, they act like him.

First, if he throws a temper tantrum, he gets put in his room. If he continues, he gets a favorite toy taken away until he can ask for it nicely. If this still doesn't work, take EVERYTHING out of his room. When he gets up, feed him breakfast, feed him lunch, snacks & dinner. If he throws more tantrums, in his room he goes!! Once he has NOTHING, he'll learn to appreciate the stuff he used to have and this will help him understand that there are consequences to his actions.

It is VERY important to get it under control and make them understand proper behaviors & manners at a young age, otherwise, it will not get better. The whole, "wait it out with love" thing. Yeah, do the above BECAUSE you love him.

Warning: this is difficult to do. It's very hard for your child to be mad at you, tell you they hate you, etc. But always remember, you are not here to be his friend. You are here to be his teacher in the way of being his parent - his mentor. Once he understands the fine line, the friendship part can get stronger.

Please also note that people will tell you that you're too strict. Well, my daughter is now 16 and although she is a typical moody teen, she is a very good kid. My rules have been exactly the same since she was born and she knows them like the back of her hand and very seldomly even attempts to break them. She learned respect and manners. So to all of the people that told me I was too strict, I hope they take a look at their out of control children and realize that maybe my way wasn't so bad after all.

P.S. NO, I do not and have not spanked my child since she was probably 2.5 years old on her diapered butt! Reason with your children when they are willing to listen, but stand your ground when they test your patience.

I hope this helps. If you need more help, there are alot of books on the subject to help you with ideas. But, bottom line, get it under control now before he gets worse because he WILL get worse.

Good Luck & God Bless

Answer 10

There are three basic rules that I think are absolute law when raising kids

1. Punish bad behaviour with a minimum amount of attention (lock him in his room)
2. Reward good behaviour (not with food). Just dance around and jump for joy at everything good he does
3. Set the example. Don't t do what you don;t want him to do. no exceptions. He doesn;t understand why yet.
4. Follow through. He gets one chanch to listen. If you have to tell him a second tie, punish him. No exceptions, no counting to ten, etc. Never let him ignore you