please help my mate is making a big mistake?

Question

how do i tell me freind who's planning to get married this dec
that she's doing the wrong thing
they only been together for 10 months & he treats her like **** but she just cnt see what everyone else can see
he is in the raf & we are all worried he will get worse when she is away from freinds & family please help

raf= R A F royal airforce
& ilike the idea of taking her out for dinner & explaining how i feel
thanks you lot

Answer 1

I know exactly what you mean and how you feel coz i've been in that situation before. The only thing you can do is really talk to her one-on-one. Take her out for dinner w/o her knowing that you're gonna have a heart-to-heart talk.

Be careful with your words -- your friend's obviously BLINDLY in love. So strike a happy conversation at first where you just let her talk about her relationship and her fiance and how everything is.

Then when you think she could be ready to listen to you, say "You are my best friend, and you deserve to be happy. What I'm about to say is something that has worried me for a while, but don't take it against me because i just need to tell you because I care for you. I am just worried because I see that the guy is treating you not in the way that you deserve to be treated. I hope i'm wrong. I'm not asking you to change your mind or anything drastic like that...all I'm asking is that you give it some more time and really think about it. And after some time you still think you want to spend the rest of your life with him, then I'll be by your side to support you. I love you coz you're my friend, and I just don't want you to get hurt. I'm always here for you if you need anything at all."

Time is the only way for her to really realize if he's the one for her.

Answer 2

I think that there is just no way to stop her. Always be there for her and supportive of her, because there are 2 options here. The first is that he is exactly the person you think he is, in which case she doesn't want to feel like you are thinking "I told you so" when she leaves him. The second is that there is something (or more than one thing) that binds them together and there is a side of their relationship that you just can't see.

A lot of my husband's friends thought we shouldn't get married and 2 even told him so and all they succeeded in doing is losing his respect. They didn't know me, they didn't know our relationship or the things we've been through. They just saw that he likes to spoil me sometimes, and they assumed that I was being demanding. I mean from what you've said it would seem he's pretty bad, I'm just using that as an example.

As for right now, all you can really do is sit her down and make her think about it. Ask her why she wants to marry him right now, what it is about him that makes her want to marry him. And if she even gives you an inkling of something like "no one else will marry me" or whatever, you just jump right in and tell her that you know she deserves better than that. After all you want her to be happy and she'll understand that. Just let her know you'll always be there with her. Good luck!

Answer 3

Ask her why it is she is marrying him...she may have some reasons that you don't know about. Maybe he has the sweetest way of saying he loves her, or maybe he does treat her well when they are alone. She probably does have some reasons, so give her a little credit and talk to her. From what you have said a lot of people have come down on her, trying to get them to not walk down the aisle. Be a supporter letting her know that you are there for her no matter what will let her know you care...and possibly allow her to see your point because you aren't being negative or standing in their way. Good luck!

Answer 4

Sometimes trying to drive 2 people apart will only make them stick closer together. The most important thing is not to fall out with your friend over this, the last thing she will need is to be stuck with that guy and feel like there is no one else around to support her. Make sure she knows that you are always there for her, and she has friend and family who care about her so that she has the strength and support, when the time comes, to get away from him. You could try to speak to her about the way he treats her but don't take it far enough to make her angry. You mustn't let him drive a wedge between you.

Answer 5

In the end, it's her choice so if she decides to marry this guy there's not much you can do. However, if the wedding goes ahead, just make sure you keep in regular contact with her after she's moved away. My best friend married a guy who turned out to be a wife beater and although she stayed with him a lot longer than I would have, she is now divorcing him. If you keep in touch, when something bad happens, you'll know so you can help her out of that situation.

Answer 6

All you can do is be honest with her.

Tell her that 'what you are about to say' is your personal opinion and if she doesnt like it, she doesnt have to pay it any attention and you will support her final decision whatever it is.

If she listens .. great.
If she takes it on board and ignores you .. be there to pick up the pieces
If she shuns you as a friend .. thats life.

As a friend you cant ignore it .. I am lucky enough to say that my friend did this for me and although I was angry at his words my common sense kicked in .. I thought 'why would he say this if it wasnt true ?' ....long story short he saved me from a life time of misery, I have moved on and now very happy and he is still my best friend ;)

Answer 7

This sounds very sad, have you spoken to your friend about the way her fiancee treats her ? If you have and she still can't see sense then I guess that she is going to marry him, the only thing you can do is stand by her and wait to pick up the pieces. Lets hope that you are all wrong and that things turn out well for her, please try not to alienate her otherwise if things do go wrong she will feel unable to come to you for fear of being told " I told you so ".

Answer 8

I know what you mean. A friend of mine is marrying someone she met less than a year ago and everyone hates him because of the way he treats her - to the point where her father is refusing to go to the wedding because of it. I'm close enough to her that I told her how I feel but I also told her that it's her decision and I have to stick by her no matter what. In my opinion that's really all you can do. You can let her know how you feel but ultimately it's her decision.

Answer 9

Hey girlfriend this is a situation we have all faced one time or another.

You have to be objective first about their relationship, does he really treat her that bad or is it you who just has a downer on him?

If you believe he really is a jerk, then try and create some breathing space between them. Take her away for a girlie weekend, away from his influence. Try and figure out what is clouding her judgement, what his hold is over her then, nice and easy like try opening her eyes slowly to what this guys is really like.

Heavy handed never works in a situation like this, so just play it cool.

Good luck

Answer 10

Not enough detail really but sounds a sad case. Is he violent? Does he play around?How do you know and she doesn't?
You have to create the scene where she sees what he is (if he really is..). Get someone to chat him up and take pics? Just make sutre that you know he really is bad as they could be made for each other and this could ruin everything....