what is the best way to punish your child without getting CPS involved?

Question

i have a 11year old son who is constantly back talking and not doing what he is told and doing things he is told not to do and i dont know how to controll it without him saying he is going to call CPS (child protective services) I also have a 9 year old and a 8 year old and they are tring to act the same way. can anyone suggest something?

Answer 1

I'd whoop his little behind and put him is his place. Where I live, unless your home is a trainwreck, you're running a crackhouse or meth lab, and the kids are obviously neglected and abused (scars and bruises, psychological trauma, etc.) there is NOTHING CPS can do about a good old fashioned asswhooping.

Here is some things that I do with my son too instead of spanking, matter of fact, I hardly ever have to spank my six year old boy because HE KNOWS BETTER!! Try these. If my six year old can do it, I know your eleven year old can:

1.) Make him do 10 push ups for every smart word he says to you
literally count the words, and make him do them. Then make him turn around and do elevated crunches for 20 minutes while he repeats over and over "I won't talk back to mom again"

2.) So he wants to be grown, eh? Treat him like an adult. Double up on the chores. Make him work extra hard around the house just to earn his lunch money. Take his allowance away.

3.) So he think he knows everything, eh? Well, make your little Einstein of eternal knowledge watch a program on the Discovery Channel or the History channel (preferably a documentary) and make him write you a complete report of the show. I usually only make my 6 year old tell me about what he learned, but your 11 year old will find this invasion of his free time a burden...especially in addition to his usual homework. He won't have time to talk back or call anyone.

4.) Take ALL his gadgets away. No video games, no CD player, no PSP...NOTHING. Take it out his room and hide it. Make him wash his hands and put him in charge of cooking dinner for the week. Of course, supervise him. But make him do the brunt of the grunt work.

Oooh, I can go on and on...but this is a start, and I have to go!! LOL!!

Once the younger siblings see the example you make out of the oldest, they will cease fire. Or, you can punish them all together, and let them know that they are going to get the same treatment big bro is getting because they should know better. This is a military training tactic used when you have one troublemaker in a platoon or squad. You punish them all, so they will keep their buddy (or sibling) in line.

Good luck.

Answer 2

frankly im not sure how these new parents do it , but if you want to do it the old fashioned way im sure you grew up to i think you have the right to , theres a fine line between discipline and abuse , and why is your child threatening you ? he must feel like he has too much power over you , hes probably just making empty threats , and the younger ones are just taking after him. i think its ok to smack them slightly on the arm or something just so they wont do it again , a slight hit (not to hurt him just to make it known that your annoyed) and in a firm voice say i told you not to do that , or something along those lines . as for things that wont get cps called on you um...i think the new parents use this 'sit in the corner and think about what youve done' kind of thing...it only makes them plot more against you but if youd like to try it then go ahead , i had that treatment before and it never works , it just makes you lonely . i was raised mostly on the slight smack when doing something wrong and i turned out very disciplined from what ive been told .

Answer 3

We live in a really rural area, so we know people in CPS and can communicate freely. It's possible that if you are in an urban area you wouldn't have good results with this, but I suggest YOU get CPS involved. They have access to lots of resources that you may not have even thought of. Yes, the school might have access to services, also, but since your child seems to think that CPS is his backup (which they are, for good reason) why not get them right in there to help the whole family?

It is possible that there are certain behavior traits that run in your (or your husband's) family that cause the kids to behave in difficult ways. You might even be encouraging that without realizing it, especially if it is something that you were brought up around. It's not a crime to go to someone who deals with difficult children to ask for help. You might find a parenting class helpful. They might connect you with a person who can do some testing to see if there is a behavioral disorder that needs to be addressed. You might find that you have exceptional children who need to be challenged more in other ways. You might find there is a chemical disorder that needs to be addressed.

Of course, taking your child to the pediatrician and discussing your problems openly is a great way to get the help you need. Your child will be part of the solution if you involve him in the process. Yes, children test the limits, but sometimes they really just DON'T get it. As difficult as it seems, you still need to be patient with them and help them the best way that you can.

Good parent? Bad parent? I think you'll find that in the end, kids grow up to be what they grow up to be. Keep your patience, respond in love, try to be consistent, set reasonable boundaries, don't try to win every conflict. Time passes. As long as you keep your cool when you are presented with irritating behavior, your child will eventually achieve his potential. You might be surprised at how well he does.

Answer 4

Ground them.

Even is they do threaten to call CPS on you, CPS can not do anything about them being grounded. The only time CPS can step in is if you are beaten them or putting them in danger.

Don't be surprised if CPS does step in though. Kids at that age have great imaginations, so they might make up a story. By law if CPS gets a tip on child abuse or neglect they are suppose to investigate.

I know a child here that went to School mad at his Mom (he was younger then your children) and told the Teacher stories about his Mom hitting him and stuff. Well DHS stepped in. It was horrible. She wasn't really doing anything to him, just not giving him what he wanted.

If needed, services are offered to parents to help them solve their problems and learn how to care for and discipline their children in ways that do not harm them or place them at risk of abuse or neglect. These services may include:

counseling,
day care,
homemaker,
evaluation and treatment, and
parenting training.

All you have to do is call CPS yourself. They will give you tips on what to do.

I hope everything works out well for you.

Answer 5

THis kid knows he can control you. Try to show you are in control.
Take your son one day and tell him you are going somewhere. On the way, tell him you are going to drop him at the CPS since he thinks it is so great to call them. Tell him also that you are going to tell them about the way he is acting , and if he dares to do the same things he is doing to you to the CPS people and see what they do.

Or take him to an orphanage or other institution and tell him thats how life is for children with no parents , the CPS will send him somewhere similar if he calls them.

But dont threaten your kid with beating or dont spank him. He will go crazy in anger.
Try to understand why he is acting this way. Was he that stubborn before , or he changed his behaviour recently?

Answer 6

Children today have a serious lack of respect towards their parents, (not all, just a big majority) due to the CPS threat..Simply sit him down, tell him that you are his mother, you love him and care for his needs, show him respect, but at the same time, you will not allow him to treat you this way, you will not allow him to disrupt the family..if he still blows you off(and this conversation may take a few times to stick), call his school counselor, they are there to help, if they can't, they are a good community resource for you..good luck

Answer 7

Talk to your local police department. Arrange with them to come out when you call during one of his torrents. Explain to the police that you do not want him arrested but a little scare put into him. They will have to make an officail report that you called and they came out so something to think through first. Hearing that he must obey his parent(s) or could be arrested may straighten him out. SOme departments will do this, some won't.

He's 11. Take everything he has away from him. Make him do his own laundry. Just make sure he has access to food and water.

Take him to a therapist. Sometimes that pain of having to go see one will straighten them out a bit.

It will only get worse as he gets older.

Answer 8

You need some advisors. Have you ever seen the tv show, "Super Nanny" or googled any sites about child rearing? I'd also consider the school that you kids attend. There are counsellors who work there and their advise could help you find some parenting classes and support. Find some answers soon because when an 11 year starts to grow physically, your difficulties will escalate.

Answer 9

Okay. Take every thing from your kids except the clothes they need for school, their beds and the food YOU want them to eat. That includes TV, video games, junk foods, everything. Then tell them to go ahead and call CPS. They will have to earn their things back, and you can tell them that CPS doesn't care if they have TV or not.

Answer 10

first, your child is abusing you,by saying he'll call [CPS]. hes tring to rule you...God at my time all it took was a look from my mom & i was staight!! Now a days kids know the law.tell him youll call CPS yourself & let them know the abuse hes putting you threw.Id punish : ground him 4 a week or so.Dont let him go out with friends.you need to set the example with him before you loose the other 2 kids to the same problem.