punishing my girlfriends kid?

Question

MY girlfriend has a 10 yr. old little boy. i am a dad myself of two boys.....but they are grown.
I love her boy like he was my own....
and so i treated him as if he was
i ask him....i told him.....over and over to lift the lid on the tolit seat. i was tired of wiping it off for him because he was too old.
so the other day i made him sit down and write 50 times.....
i will remember to lift the tolit seat.
you would of thought i beat him with a bat, if you would of heard her going off.
was i wrong?
was there another way?
i tacked the paper to the wall over the tolit.....and its been a week with no pee on it...
i know its petty, but someone had to teach him...

Answer 1

I guess, more than anything, it depends on what relationship you have with her and him. .

I don't have a problem with what you did, she obviously had not taught him, and he needed to learn. .

I agree with trushka. . if he is going to be your son, then you need to deal with and discipline him as if he were. .

also, you need to have a talk with her, and talk this out. .

What is your future together?. . are you going to get married?. . does she want you to be her son's father?. . etc etc. .

you need to decide, between the two of you, and agree on what your role is going to be. . father or not. . and every kid needs a father, studies have shown that over and over. .

if she doesn't want you to be her son's father, then she needs to say so, and you both need to agree to whatever the rule is going to be.

good luck and God bless you.

Answer 2

Everyone seems to think you did the right thing, except me. People responded with ...since you are living with her, and ...step-parent..., but no where did it say that you are living together and you plainly stated that she is your girlfriend. There's not enough information to say you did the right thing. How long have you and the mother been together? How serious is this relationship? If you are nothing more than a flash in the pan, you have no business disciplining her child. If you are in a long term relationship, then the two of you need to discuss some ground rules before you step into the role of father.

Answer 3

ah,,step parents,,unfortunately it is an instinct to protect and even if it seems nothing to you she will always worry maybe you did this because he isnt your own,,it seems over the top to her,dont worry too much,,it is just a natural occurance,,maybe next time you could sit down with her and see about coming up with some form of punishment/task/learning proccess together,,that way the boy wont think the two of you are against each other,,he is only ten and yes,he should be able to remember but,the toilet is such a small thing for him and all the things in his head,it is easily forgotten.dont let him think that his own mother seems to agree with him if he does something wrong or that will start bad blood between you,,he will be going through changes soon and will need to be able to feel he can come to you as a man and a father who is fair and has his mothers support.

Answer 4

that sounds reasonable to me...i mean a ten year old still pissing on the toilet seat is just nasty. But since you didn't physically punish him...beeat him or whoop him, whatever, then she needs to stop trippping. The two of you need to sit down and figure out what forms of punishment are and are not acceptable. Let her son know that you love him as well, but that you will not tolerate him being disrespectful and being nasty. Remind her that you love her son and are just trying to teach him how to be a man. If you are going to be a family, then you have to act like it, and that doesn't include keeping your mouth shut and letting the little booger have his way b/c he can hide behind mommy. If she wants you to step in and play the parent role...buy him things, take him places, then she has to understand that you must be able to show authority...also, may be a little late to be asking, but how long have the two of you been together? if it hasn't been long, she may just need time to adjust.

Answer 5

It must be hard for step-parents. Maybe your wife is just a bit territorial when it comes to the boy because he is not your biological son. Or maybe her parenting style is different or maybe she just doesn't want to side off against her kid. I honestly don't know.

But, I would say you did the right thing. At 10, he is old enough to know to put the seat lid up and if he pees on the toilet he is old enough to clean up his own mess- that's called maturing and responsibility. Good job!

Answer 6

If you are sincere about your feelings towards this little boy then it was right to correct his wrongdoings. She is been a little over sensitive about this matter. Mothers sometimes tend to overact and extremely protective over their kids, nevertheless sometimes their punishment could be so severe. Talk to her about this matter, you be surprised what made her hit off. It is always fair to know why one reacted the way she did. Listen to her explanation. Perhaps next time before you decide to punish him, tell her to take over. Watch her reaction, you might be able to solve this issue forever. PS: don't be surprised like I said above , her punishment could be more severe than you ever thought of.... stop her and explain to her. She will be able to understand your stand clearer.

Answer 7

As a father or stepfather, its your duty to teach and make him a better human being in the future. You did nothing wrong mate, if you kept quiet, u would be wrong. But in this case, you are totally right.
Sometimes sensitive issues must be handdled with care.
Do what you and the laws says right....Carryon the good work mate...Never use domestic violence, thats creates a bad future.

Answer 8

good for you and well done, he has to learn that this will not be tolerated however, the only thing i would get in a twist about is pinning the lines to the bathroom wall it must be humiliating for him, its bad enuff in his mind being punished by someone who is not his "dad" but to be constantly reminded of it is mabey a bit much talk things over with your partner and decide suitable punishments together if possible but make sure you share the punishing together that way you will not become an ogre in the lads eyes, good luk mate

Answer 9

Seems to me like you are being a wonderful step-dad. I have two boys myself, of course they are teenagers, but have a wonderful boyfriend and he corrects them. He is the only dad in their life so someone has to teach them. Good job!!!

Answer 10

You didnt hurt the kid. Embarrassed him maybe...and her for not teaching him to aim. hehe She should be grateful to have a decent man in her and her child's life. By her getting upset shows her lack of respect towards you.
Try couples/family counseling and work towards making a good marriage. Living together unmarried is teaching the kids that marriage isnt as important as good aim.