How to forgive your love ones who has been making use of you for more than 20 years?

Question

My mum and dad are my dearest kin. Until few years back, I was forced to accept the reality that my mum has been treating me like a tool to do bad things to my dad. My mum has never love me.
Each time when she is nice to me, there's bound to be a motive.
When I need her help, she was nowhere in sight.
I've reached to a point that I am prepare to severe all ties with her at all cost but was discourage by my dad.
He said that, "She is afterall your mum..."
If not for my dad, I won't have overcome the agony.
Now that, he's gone, I do not have the obligation to stay with my mum. I still can't bring myself to forgive her.
Doesn't matter if she wants to sue me. She had done that to my dad. My dad had compromise cos that time I was still a kid.
Now that he's gone, I've nothing to fear...

Answer 1

Can i tell u something?every relationship in this world is that way why did ur father discourage u from being on ur own?that was selfish of him too he was sticking by ur mother they are husband wife ive gone through the same thing ive been there for every person but my parents the most but when i need something no one is ever there so now ive realised ive got myself when i need anyone and noone else believe it or not its true in ur case u have u for urself go out get a job live on ur own make money live life have good relationships only with people who are there for u then live a loving wonderful happy life

Answer 2

In this world, forgive and forget is the hardest to be used practically. Try to apply these two words in reality and u would be surprise that how light hearted and calm u would feel. It doesn't matter, whether u had been used for a purpose or motive as long as u are sure u did all that she ask u to do without understanding it. The basic fundamentals must be u did it with no intention and with a clear conscience. The affected person here was your dad but he had also compromise and given in cos he may have valued the relationship of both of u. So if he can forgive, I think u should follow in his steps to forgive and let bygones be bygones. The thought of she going thru 9 months of labour for you is enough a punishement than anything else. Trust me, just forgive and forget and u will realise that all burdens in u has lighten tremendously. In fact, you are hating some of the actions of her and her as a person. So learn to let go and be a happier person. Take this as a example and ensure that such thing doesnt happen when u sustain a relationship with your loved ones in the future

Answer 3

The way you write things, she sounds like a bitchy person to me, especially when you say that she wants to sue you. To sue you what for?
And I would like to know, why you want to forgive her since she has treated you so badly all these years?
Come on, grow up and leave her behind! Hate is not a good feeling after all and being a pathetic martyr does not help you at all.
Why do you say that now that your father is gone you have nothing to fear? What did you have to fear before?

Answer 4

No one in this world has the right to make you feel like nothing, we can choose our friends but not our parents, sometimes in life it is hard to take a stand whn it comes to your mother,but you pray fr the right time, you stand up and you stock of your life and you move on.Good Luck.

Answer 5

Take my advice, dont listen to the usual phrase "shes your mum after all"... it will only put you at a risk for potential hurt caused again by her. Dont be afraid to express your feelings. Give yourself a break now.

Answer 6

look at it this way.

no one has a right to treat you like a doormat!
don't sever ties.

just tell her it is your expectation
to be treated with respect.

tell her this is not open for debate,
and let it go at that.
you won't regret it.

Answer 7

wow well dont feel bad wen i turn 18 im leaving my mom & hopfully i wont hav to talkn to her for years